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Some bad shit happened today...
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:16pm
by Falkenhorst
Well, I work in a large chain grocery store in SE Wisconsin, as some of you may know. Today, I experienced perhaps the most sickening series of events I have ever been unlucky enough to be involved in, except for the kid who left a trail of puke around the store and the guy whose colostomy bag spilled in Aisle 8. What follows is a description of today's woefull goings-on...
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FALKENH0RST (7:53:07 PM): man
FALKENH0RST (7:53:13 PM): some AWFUL shit happened today, man
FALKENH0RST (7:53:24 PM): I was bagging groceries
FALKENH0RST (7:53:27 PM): happy as could be
FALKENH0RST (7:53:32 PM): when I got something in my eye
FALKENH0RST (7:53:46 PM): so I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and see if I could get it out
FALKENH0RST (7:54:24 PM): and suddenly someone in one of the stalls unleashed a GIANT stuttering stream of farts and diareahha
FALKENH0RST (7:54:56 PM): and it started smelling like a fucking barnyard or a sewer or some bastardized combo of both
FALKENH0RST (7:55:10 PM): and I took off and ran
FALKENH0RST (7:55:17 PM): and like 10 minutes later
FALKENH0RST (7:55:20 PM): I went back up to the front
FALKENH0RST (7:55:27 PM): and this guy John was up there
FALKENH0RST (7:55:29 PM): and I'm like
FALKENH0RST (7:55:52 PM): 'Well, I'm glad it wasn't YOU back there blowing out tons of steaming shit'
FALKENH0RST (7:55:55 PM): and he's like
FALKENH0RST (7:56:20 PM): "Are you nuts? I just had to mop it all off the floor and walls and stuff! It was everywhere!"
FALKENH0RST (7:56:30 PM): and we're like HOLY SHIT
FALKENH0RST (7:56:34 PM): and then a few minutes later
PrimeTime2783 (7:56:56 PM): That's fucking disgusting
FALKENH0RST (7:57:04 PM): this GIANT FAT HILLBILLY in camo-jacket and sweat pants comes waddling up to the checkout
FALKENH0RST (7:57:18 PM): and everyone starts gagging and their eyes are bugging out
FALKENH0RST (7:57:26 PM): and he STUNK LIKE A SEWER TOO
FALKENH0RST (7:57:38 PM): and at that moment we all knew it was him
FALKENH0RST (7:57:47 PM): as we backed off to a far distance
FALKENH0RST (7:57:55 PM): it was fucking sick
FALKENH0RST (7:58:00 PM): so later on
FALKENH0RST (7:58:06 PM): I went and used the bathroom
FALKENH0RST (7:58:25 PM): and the stench was only barely losing the battle against gallons of QUAT-44 and industrial cleaner
FALKENH0RST (7:59:07 PM): fucking shit eating goddamn hillbilly bums
PrimeTime2783 (8:00:00 PM): God damn it. rednecks should be confined to Quality Farm and Fleet and Walmarts
FALKENH0RST (8:00:10 PM): LOL
PrimeTime2783 (8:00:13 PM): I had shit like that happen to me all the time at Meijers
FALKENH0RST (8:00:19 PM): yeah
FALKENH0RST (8:00:31 PM): these filthy fuckers who wipe their shit on the walls and stuff
FALKENH0RST (8:00:52 PM): John said there were footprints of shit out in the hallway by the bathrooms
PrimeTime2783 (8:01:01 PM): fuckers out to get handed over to the police
FALKENH0RST (8:01:03 PM): and it looked like they wiped their asses on the floor
PrimeTime2783 (8:01:09 PM): sick fucking bastards
FALKENH0RST (8:01:13 PM): no shit
I think from now on, my slogan is going to be an emphatic
"NO SHIT!"
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:18pm
by Exonerate
How hard is it to shit in the crapper???
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:22pm
by Anarchist Bunny
You should keep a magnum and a mob on hand for those situations, give them the mop, if they refuse, present magnum.
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:24pm
by Stormbringer
Exonerate wrote:How hard is it to shit in the crapper???
Given that some of those people's shits have more brain power than they do it's tough. Really tough.
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:25pm
by Sea Skimmer
This is a job for .45 JHP and fire, pure cleansing thermonuclear fire.
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:27pm
by Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
I laughed my ass off reading that. I've been is restrooms with no toilet paper, clogged-up toilets, and a horrible stench coming from the toilets, but nothing close to someone who shat all over the place.
People like that should be forced to clean the bottoms of latrines. They shitted places up and left others to clean it up, why ont turn the tables?
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:33pm
by jaeger115
Reminds me of the time I saw a toilet which bowl was full of shit TO THE BRIM! It was so full that the water was on the floor, and the shit was bulging out of the bowl and bubbling.... *shudders*
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:45pm
by Frank Hipper
I'm terrified of shit. If the toilet paper slips or rips and I get a miniscule brown dot on a fingernail or so, I freak right the fuck out.
I can only wonder at some of the things I've seen.
Like "Hi" fingerpainted in shit on the restroom wall at a bar. Two fingers, mind you. I'm at such a loss when confronted with scatalogical hijinks I don't know where to begin.
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:49pm
by kheegster
Frank Hipper wrote:I'm terrified of shit. If the toilet paper slips or rips and I get a miniscule brown dot on a fingernail or so, I freak right the fuck out.
I can only wonder at some of the things I've seen.
Like "Hi" fingerpainted in shit on the restroom wall at a bar. Two fingers, mind you. I'm at such a loss when confronted with scatalogical hijinks I don't know where to begin.
Perhaps the scato-graffiti artists have the exact opposite of your view regarding such matters...
Scato-philes anyone?
Posted: 2003-01-11 09:52pm
by Vertigo1
I am SO glad I finished eating over an hour ago....
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:05pm
by TrailerParkJawa
I hated Christmas time at Circuit City. Never understood why customers in December and January had so much trouble shitting. That was always the time of year when some idiot would shit all over the place.
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:05pm
by Darth Wong
jaeger115 wrote:Reminds me of the time I saw a toilet which bowl was full of shit TO THE BRIM! It was so full that the water was on the floor, and the shit was bulging out of the bowl and bubbling.... *shudders*
Gaaah!!
*runs away in terror*
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:14pm
by Sea Skimmer
Darth Wong wrote:jaeger115 wrote:Reminds me of the time I saw a toilet which bowl was full of shit TO THE BRIM! It was so full that the water was on the floor, and the shit was bulging out of the bowl and bubbling.... *shudders*
Gaaah!!
*runs away in terror*
This from the ultimate anal advocate
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:15pm
by Darth Wong
Sea Skimmer wrote:Darth Wong wrote:Gaaah!!
*runs away in terror*
This from the ultimate anal advocate
Nobody said you had to like shit in order to like anal.
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:17pm
by Ghost Rider
Whew...there's a tale to tell to the kiddies
.....yeech
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:29pm
by Cal Wright
I remember one time the toilet in our store had shit in the bowl, smeared all over the seat and the back. It was fucking disgusting. And I had to fucking blow the bottom out of the commode too. That was the fastest waddle I have ever managed in order to make it to the back bathroom.
Posted: 2003-01-11 10:32pm
by Shinova
How does one smear that stuff all over the walls?
I've seen piles of it on the floor several times, but how the hell do you get it on the walls??
Posted: 2003-01-11 11:49pm
by Cal Wright
Your the only person I know who has asked. Luckily, I have NO answer.
Posted: 2003-01-11 11:52pm
by Falkenhorst
One time, in the same store before they remodeled it, someone wrote, in BLACK PERMANENT MARKER, on the TOILET SEAT,
"I TOOK A CHAMPION 14 INCH SHIT IN THIS TOILET"
I shit you not.
Posted: 2003-01-12 12:16am
by Sokar
Exonerate wrote:How hard is it to shit in the crapper???
You would not believe how difficult it appears to be for some people. I too work in a large retail outlet, Wal-Mart or as I know it, the E-Ring of Hell. Our bathroom are defiled at least once an hour or so. Over Christmas some asshat let his retarded son attempt to use the restroom like a big boy. A noise or something set him off and he would up throwing his own shit and toilet paper all around in the larger than normal handicapped stall. Took maintenence like 2 hours to clean it all up.......
As it is , I fear attempting to take a shit during a long shift due to the horrors that are visited upon our restrooms. If it isnt folks missing, and I mean missing by like a good foot or more, the bowl, we also have to put up with the local Latin Kings and Neo-Nazis smearing thier filth and insults all over the walls in bright red or green permanent markers. Gotta love four foot swastikas duking it out with Latin crosses and PUTA!! to entertain the kiddies when they have to pee-pee.........Have I mentioned I despise working retail.........its a hellish existence.
Posted: 2003-01-12 12:20am
by Sokar
Falkenhorst wrote:One time, in the same store before they remodeled it, someone wrote, in BLACK PERMANENT MARKER, on the TOILET SEAT,
"I TOOK A CHAMPION 14 INCH SHIT IN THIS TOILET"
I shit you not.
We had a rather talented artist visiting our restrooms for a while, to bad his 'art' was gay men having anal sex with gigantic genitalia.........scary thing was that his style was incredible for just using a Sharpie marker, too bad it was that theme and in a Wal-Mart shitter.
Posted: 2003-01-12 12:41am
by Sea Skimmer
DG_Cal_Wright wrote:Your the only person I know who has asked. Luckily, I have NO answer.
They pick it up with a wad of toilet paper I'm told. My school had problems with it before someone got caught in the act it and was expelled.
All this makes me very glad I have had to take one shit in a public or rather school bathroom in the last five years.
Posted: 2003-01-12 12:49am
by Kamakazie Sith
OMG I think this guy stopped in for a bathroom break at my dads work.......your story sounds remarkably similiar to his.
Posted: 2003-01-12 01:07am
by Falkenhorst
Man, there's lots of bizarre shit that happens in that store. We used to have this manager named Gary, OK? He worked there for a long time, like 10 years. Well anyway, one day I'm in there trying to take a dump and someone comes in. They walk over and stand at the urinal and they're doing their thing, dum-da-dum when suddenly the guy starts coughing and horking like he's dying, and drops a giant hocker in the urinal, PLOP! And I'm like ooookkkaaayyy... and the guy KEEPS ON DOING IT for like 10 minutes, coughing up endless hockers and loogies and phlegm balls and PLOP SPLAT keeps on dropping em... well I had enough of that shit, I quit trying to crap and got out of there as fast as I could, I mean it was SCARY SHIT, you know, I didn't know if the guy had medical probs or what and I didn't want to be around if he croaked. So as i'm going out, I look, and it's fucking GARY doing this shit! Damn that was freaky.
Well, his dumb ass got fired, because some egghead in the office finally got smart or somebody ratted on him because it turned out that he was stealing carts full of groceries out the back door every night for 10 years to feed his miserable damn family, ALL OF WHOM worked in the same store as him at one time or another. Damn nepotism.
Posted: 2003-01-12 01:11am
by Anarchist Bunny
I always it would be funny to take a shit in the sink or urinal just for the response it would cause by people. Ofcourse the water fountain would be halarious too, cause you could wait around and watch the responses and not seem wierd.