Liberals & Conservatives

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-01-16 05:33pm

Saw this from Arthur Dent on SB and asked him to bring it over here, but I see he didn't get around to it, so I'll post it for y'all to see:

A conservative and a liberal were walking down the street when they came upon a homeless person. Feeling the need to help, the conservative gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person to get cleaned up for the job.

The liberal was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the conservative’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept fifteen for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

Now you understand the difference between conservatives and liberals.

So endeth the lesson. 'Nuff said.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-01-16 05:50pm

somewhat funny...

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2003-01-16 05:52pm

And very true!

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-01-16 05:53pm

Won't somone PLEASE think of the children!

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-01-16 05:53pm

amusing

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-01-16 05:53pm

You forgot that the conservative wouldn't have given the 20 bucks to the bum and instead would have invested in hog futures hoping that the investment would trickledown to the bum (hmm...that doesn't sound right!)

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-01-16 05:59pm

A fiscal conservative would prefer to give money directly to the individual, a social conservative like Bush would want to cut divideds which are already largely in retirement accounts.

But it is a funny joke.

I like this one:

Q: How do you turn a Democrat into a Republican.

A: Mug him.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-16 06:01pm

Riiiiiiight.

Well, thats so one-eyed as to be cyclopean.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-17 06:40am

Except of course that the conservative would tell the beggar that he deserved to be where he is and doesn't deserve the Conservative's hard earned money.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-01-17 08:13am

Except of course that the conservative would tell the beggar that he deserved to be where he is and doesn't deserve the Conservative's hard earned money.

Only some, And of course those hard up themselves

But admit it, its the basic idea of Convservatis and Librialism

Cons-Do it yourself Gdamn it!
Lib-We'll do it for you

Skelron · Post by **Skelron** » 2003-01-17 08:23am

Well going from the UK perspective, I'll take the old school Split in the Conservative Party and slightly modify that story (Thisa is on the hop)

A One Nation Conservative, A new Right Conservative and a Socialist are walking down the street and see a begger. The One Nation-Conservative does mostly what the Conservative did in the previous story. The New Right Ignores him if he can, and if he can't tells him that it is not only HIS fault for being homeless and on the street, but advantagous to society that their be such inequalities, that without them Society would suffer, then would claim that in any case that their is no such thing as Society, rather the Nation would suffer.

The Socialist would set up a collection from Society where twenty people each gave a Pound, Arrange for the person to have a guarenteed minimum Standard of living and push to have the person reintergrated into society.

(note One-Nation conservatives are not Rascist (in case the name misleads.)or anything, they come from a Famous speech by a Conservative Prime Minister who said that in Britain two nations exist, and that it was the duty of those in power to make it one nation. Where everyone lived with the same sense of pride. they are the caring Connservatives, and those identified as belonging to that philosphy are among the few conservatives that I respect, even beforeI knew about such a philosphy, simply from their own actions. Nowadays of course it's the new Right and Thaterism in power, but strangely enough the old war continues on, hidden under the cover of Europe, but the sides balance up along the lines of Europe often as the did under the argument of One Nation and Thatcher.)

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-01-17 09:44am

weemadando wrote:Riiiiiiight.

Well, thats so one-eyed as to be cyclopean.

This is Arthur "I'm so freaking conservative it hurts" Dent. What exactly did you expect?

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-01-17 10:36am

Or how 'bout this?

If you're over forty and still a liberal, you have no brian.
If you're under forty and conservative, you have no heart.

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2003-01-17 10:40am

That's a Winston Churchill quote isn't it?

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-01-17 10:58am

I don't know. Somebody told it to me the other day, and I was amused by it.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-01-17 11:31am

irishmick79 wrote:Or how 'bout this?

If you're over forty and still a liberal, you have no brian.
If you're under forty and conservative, you have no heart.

I thought it was:

"If you're over thirty and a communist, you have no brain. If you're under thirty and not a communist, you have no heart."

As a side no, I'm somewhat baffled why so many people believe liberalism to be left-winged in nature. I always thought that liberalism was a free-market ideology promoted by the likes of Adam Smith and Milton Friedman.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-01-17 02:11pm

innerbrat wrote:Except of course that the conservative would tell the beggar that he deserved to be where he is and doesn't deserve the Conservative's hard earned money.

Of course, because we know conservatives are generally speaking, not interested in charitable giving, a perfectly reasonable generalization.

By the way, Simon, that liberalism you're thinking of that promotes laissez-faire and individual liberty is classical liberalism. I would gladly identify myself as a classical liberal, in fact, were the term in wider use today. Nowadays typically liberalism typically refers to left-wing politics, at least in America. In other countries, this is not always so.

Tatterdemalion · Post by **Tatterdemalion** » 2003-01-17 02:27pm

left wing politics? Are you sure? I always figured it just meant the steriotypical democrats and that the rest of us were just evil-pinko-commies.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-01-17 02:46pm

"Liberal" generally refers to those with politics ranging from left-of-center to middle left....when you talk about people on the far left, the term "radical" is somewhat more suitable than "liberal," since "liberal" has not been historically associated with extreme leftism. You could call a somewhat more moderate Democrat, like Gary Condit (horrible, horrible example, but bear with me), a liberal just as well as a more leftist Democrat like Barbara Boxer could be called liberal.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-01-17 03:12pm

I always figured it just meant the steriotypical democrats and that the rest of us were just evil-pinko-commies

You mean your not?

ArthurDent · Post by **ArthurDent** » 2003-01-17 03:25pm

Stormbringer wrote:This is Arthur "I'm so freaking conservative it hurts" Dent. What exactly did you expect?

A picture of Hitler, perhaps? That is how the lefties try to vilify those of us who actually see the world for what it is instead of some idealogical/social experiment.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-01-17 05:51pm

Meh. I'm a moderate, pretty much straight-down-the-middle political person. One of my government textbooks had 14 points on which the Republicans and Democrats differ. Checked each one, ended up with a 7-7 tie.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-01-17 06:13pm

ArthurDent wrote:
Stormbringer wrote:This is Arthur "I'm so freaking conservative it hurts" Dent. What exactly did you expect?
A picture of Hitler, perhaps? That is how the lefties try to vilify those of us who actually see the world for what it is instead of some idealogical/social experiment.

I don't think you're that way. I've got serious issues with your veiws of religion and sexual mores but I don't think you're evil, jeez. But you are a bastion of hard line conservatism and this joke isn't exactly unbiased itself. Still it was a funny joke. Hell I agree partially with it.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-01-17 06:58pm

Meh. I'm a moderate, pretty much straight-down-the-middle political person. One of my government textbooks had 14 points on which the Republicans and Democrats differ. Checked each one, ended up with a 7-7 tie.

Most fokes Say Moderate are afriad to make up thier mind(In the poltical arena at least its pretty much true)

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-01-17 07:48pm

Mr Bean wrote:
Meh. I'm a moderate, pretty much straight-down-the-middle political person. One of my government textbooks had 14 points on which the Republicans and Democrats differ. Checked each one, ended up with a 7-7 tie.
Most fokes Say Moderate are afriad to make up thier mind(In the poltical arena at least its pretty much true)

LOL...no, I'm not afraid to make up my mind. I just don't believe either party is entirely correct. I believe in full equal rights, and the limitation of corporate power. I also am against affirmative action (it's merely racism under another name), in favor of the death penalty, and pro-medical cloning. My political views are very odd by any definition, but they're solid views.