Americans Annyed by Internet

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-01-20 06:17am

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS
INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON INTERNET

Web's Increasingly Worldly Flavor Threatens Americans' Worldview

PULLMAN, WASH. (SatireWire.com) — The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to ignore the rest of the world, a trend researchers say threatens Americans' long, proud history of disregarding anything not about them.

"With all the foreign newspapers and multi-cultural sites, the Internet is making it almost impossible for the average American to remain uninformed and apathetic," said Samantha Lessborn of Washington State University, which conducted the survey. "Americans can still do it. But it now takes effort, whereas before it was as easy as turning off Tom Brokaw whenever he said 'In South Korea today...'"

According to survey participant Danny Grisham, a 22-year-old from Cheyenne, Wyoming, it's not just the plethora of international news on the Web that is irritating. "Look, I can get around the news. I just turn off Reuters headlines in MyYahoo," he said. "But even some of the search sites like Yahoo and Alta Vista are available in different languages. Like everybody in the world doesn't speak English. Yeah, right."

"I can see where it's important if we're, like, beating some country in the Olympics or bombing them or, ideally, both," Grisham added. "But if some Colombian drug lord sinks a ferry full of Israeli soldiers in North Latvoania or Serbo-Malaysia, or wherever, and Americans aren't involved, what has that got to do with me?"

Other respondents said they were appalled, not just by the availability of non-U.S. news, but by the way important U.S. news is reported by some of these foreign sites. "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."

Sensing a market opportunity, Net Nanny, makers of Net Nanny filtering software, announced this week it will introduce NetNarrow, an English-only product that automatically filters out content that appears to be international. Specifically, the software looks for world datelines and keywords indicative of irrelevant foreign stories, including "Shiite," "post-Apartheid," and "Bob Geldof."

Survey-taker Craig Barker of Brooklyn, New York, said he will be among the first to get NetNarrow. "On the Web, there are so many ways to get news from so many different places, I could really get some fresh insights into what's going on in other countries if I wanted to," he said.. "But I don't want to."

"You'd think these Internet people would know that," Barker added. "I mean, that's why the Internet is called America Online, right? It's supposed to be about America."

http://www.satirewire.com/news/0010/international.shtml

Satire I Know

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-01-20 06:26am

Oh, bugger me, thats funny, I needed the laugh.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-01-20 07:01am

That makes two of us

Red Knight · Post by **Red Knight** » 2003-01-20 07:05am

Heh, that was pretty funny..

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-01-20 07:12am

Faram wrote:AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS
INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON INTERNET

I wholeheartedly concur! Especially since Al Gore invented the damn thing in the first place.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-01-20 07:12am

Actualy pretty accurate, though slightly exaggerated.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-01-20 07:14am

"Hey you! Git the hell off mah intarnet!"

Archaic` · Post by **Archaic`** » 2003-01-20 07:33am

Editor's Note: It seems that after reading this entirely fictional story, some investors/customers of Net Nanny believed the company actually was going to produce NetNarrow software. As a result, Net Nanny asked SatireWire to please assure people that this is not the case. No, really.

Assuming that they aren't pulling a fast one with this......is anyone as disturbed by this as I am?

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-01-20 08:45am

Now this IS comedy!

Still, isn't there a little bit of truth in it?

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-01-20 09:11am

Warspite wrote:Still, isn't there a little bit of truth in it?

Yes, much more than I'd like to admit.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-01-20 09:19am

One aspect of satire is that it's designed to take something suspected to be true (whether by stereotype or other), blow it out of proportion, and take it to its greatest silly extreme.

Example of truth in case, my aunt's neighbour in Cincinnati, Ohio: AOL Customer. Believes America 'manufactures' the Internet and exports it to other countries. Has a Bible in her bedroom drawer. Dyes her hair a colour not found outside of sci-fi plasma explosions. Didn't finish high school, married a rich, shallow man instead.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2003-01-20 11:10am

this is truly golden.

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2003-01-20 11:22am

Faram wrote:"But if some Colombian drug lord sinks a ferry full of Israeli soldiers in North Latvoania or Serbo-Malaysia, or wherever, and Americans aren't involved, what has that got to do with me?"Satire I Know

Actually, that's quite right. Would the world rather have the U.S. get interested in this incident and get involved with it or rather have the U.S. leave it alone because it has nothing to do with the U.S.?

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-01-20 12:08pm

OLD but funny.

"Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-20 01:31pm

ROFL!

Even if I'm American, that's damn funny. Reminds me that we need to get off our asses.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-01-20 01:52pm

Wait, you mean this isn't true?

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-01-20 02:03pm

neoolong wrote:Wait, you mean this isn't true?

Relax it is all true!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-01-20 02:36pm

I'm glad I relieved myself before visiting the message board, because otherwise I would have pissed my pants laughing at this!

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-01-20 02:55pm

Sounds like one of Azeron's pipe dreams

Dirty Harry · Post by **Dirty Harry** » 2003-01-20 03:13pm

Other respondents said they were appalled, not just by the availability of non-U.S. news, but by the way important U.S. news is reported by some of these foreign sites. "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."
good stuff!

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

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