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For those of you who did get hit growing up. I was one of them. So for me it was.

• 1. Got slapped in the face for calling my mom stupid
  
  2. Got hit by my father for standing on a farmer's porch steps, reaching up and touching/hanging on the low roof (it's hard to describe) , with both hands. I later got hit in the car after harsh lecture after I called him an asshole for hitting me.
  
  3. Got hit by my uncle once for having a really bad attitude and saying I wanted to see my mom for something while she was at a neighbor's house partying.
  
  4. Got hit by another uncle for having a real spoiled attitude
  
  4. Got pulled out of my bed and swung by the arm across the room when I was being put to bed when my father said "Good night," and I replied "Bad Night"
  
  5. Got hit for getting up and running out of a movie theatre with my cousin after the movie ended, quickly before anyone else had got up and exited the theatre.
  
  6. For eavesdropping on a telephone conversation by picking up another phone on the same line.

On a side note, what would you do if you child's friends parent hit your kid. Once my mom tried to slap my friend (and missed) after he was laughing during her lecture on how we were treating my younger brother like shit. After she missed, she grabbed him by the arm and swung him across the room. I assume he never told his parents. He didn't turn out well, and has been in and out of jail his whole adult life, but I told my mom she could get in some deep shit.

And, do you think that children being forced to give relatives kisses, or their parents thinking they have the right to kiss thier child even if they don't want them to. I'd say that's sexual abuse.

Your parents sound kind of violent. I was only hit once, when I was sixteen or seventeen, when after a very heated argument with my mother I said some nasty things involving profanity, and she slapped me (I had it coming). Other than that, I honestly can't remember a single situation when either of my parents hit me, nor any of my relatives or friends.

Guardsman Bass wrote:Your parents sound kind of violent. I was only hit once, when I was sixteen or seventeen, when after a very heated argument with my mother I said some nasty things involving profanity, and she slapped me (I had it coming). Other than that, I honestly can't remember a single situation when either of my parents hit me, nor any of my relatives or friends.

My Grandfather (whom I never met, he died 2 months before I was born) was pretty violent. He once beat up a cop (obviously, he wouldn't get away with that today) when he told him he was too young to drink. He beat my grandmother sometimes, and my mom's family. But, my grandmother and my mom's family assure he was still a "good man", and to semi-follow his example of harsh discipline. While they never did any of those things to me, they did hit and believed it was a good thing. I always thought my mom was serious when she said she's hit me (she was joking) with a big wooden spoon decoration on the wall. I got things said to me like "He'd hit you so hard you wouldn't be able to sit for a week!" or that I told him I wanted to go home or his vacation, he'd either say "Hit the road Jack, start walking!" or slap me in the face.

For my father's side. His parents were not violet, but they were strict. My other grandmother always loved to nit pick and wanted things just perfect all the time.

I've been hit with a belt for swearing and even had to go outside on numerous occasions to choose a limb from a bush to be hit with for the same offense; the latter drew blood.

JLTucker wrote:I've been hit with a belt for swearing and even had to go outside on numerous occasions to choose a limb from a bush to be hit with for the same offense; the latter drew blood.

Just wondering? How old are you now? I almost got hit with a belt once, but I wonder when the most harsh period was, perhaps 50's to the 80's? Or maybe earlier.

I got slapped once for threatening to slap my mother when I was 5 or so.

Then some time later that year my parents made a decision to not do that sort of thing.

Shrykull wrote:

JLTucker wrote:I've been hit with a belt for swearing and even had to go outside on numerous occasions to choose a limb from a bush to be hit with for the same offense; the latter drew blood.

Just wondering? How old are you now? I almost got hit with a belt once, but I wonder when the most harsh period was, perhaps 50's to the 80's? Or maybe earlier.

I am 23. The physical violence stopped when I was around 14 or so.

Got hit for talking back, and anything more serious than that.

smacked with a belt for random reasons by my mother.

For me and my sister, it went like this:

We're somewhere in public, like a grocery store, and we're acting up (grabbing stuff off the shelves, running away from her, crying and whining when we didn't get something we wanted, that kind of thing).

Mom: "Stop acting up! I'm warning you!"

We keep acting up.

Mom: "I am warning you: if you two don't stop, you're going to get a spanking." (generally, this is when I stopped, especially after the first couple times)

We keep acting up.

Mom: "This is your last warning. If I have to tell you to stop again, you're getting a spanking when we get back to the car, no matter how good you are for the rest of the trip."

We keep acting up.

Mom: "That's it, you're getting a spanking."

At that point, we stop acting up in the hopes she'll forget about it. She never did, though. It was always open palm, pants up, only two or three strikes, just enough to sting.

Now a couple of times when my sister was older (teenaged), she got so mouthy my mom slapped the shit out of her. But that never happened to me. We were never hit with a belt or anything like that (my mom kept Tupperware spatulas around the house for when she needed to administer a quick ass-whipping, but I don't actually ever remember her using them on either of us).

Yah my experience matched Red's. You act up, you get whupped. That all stopped by the time I was 11 or so, since I was mature enough to know I was acting like a brat and Catholic guilt-conditioned enough to feel contrite about it.

My grandfather, though...man he really whaled on his kids. My mom and uncles told me things he did that really went beyond the pale. Mebbe it was because he grew up dirt poor and ignorant in the 1920s and '30s, or maybe because WWII fucked up his head, but he'd discipline with the "go pick your stick" if he was in a good mood, or his fists when he wasn't. Ouch. Although, from what I remember of what I was told, by the time his kids were teenagers he stopped the physical punishment.

Me, I do the "1,2,3 swat" method on my son's butt. Does a spank count as a hit? If so, guilty. They're not frequent, and he knows why they're coming, so they serve their purpose to reinforce a point of discipline. I'll be surprised if I have to spank him once he's older than 8 or 9.

On the topic, I or my wife would NEVER allow another family member to hit or spank our son. That's wayyy beyond the line, and we've told a couple of older relatives flat-out not to touch him. Scolding and correction, sure, that's usually justified when you're trying to make a kid behave, but spanking et al should be the exclusive prerogative of the parents.

My parents never hit me, but then again I wasn't too terrible of a child. They could get me to stop being terrible with just some words.

My parents used a belt, or one of those orange tracks for your hot wheels cars. They were also firm believers in the 1,2,3 method.

Usually for lying or blatantly ignoring a rule(tracking mud across the carpet, stalling too getting ready for bed/school/whatever)
The two worst times were when I stole a hundred dollar bill from my dad's wallet, and the time my bro and I managed to displace almost the entire contents of the bathtub onto the floor of the bathroom and hallway.

I think it was pretty much replaced with other forms of punishment by the time I was 12 or so.

Meh, my Mom used to cane me as a young child for tons of mistakes I've made. Although to be frank, I can't remember the details of my actions that leads to my caning other than having poor results for my schoolwork.

You see, hitting kids is not so bad, so long as it is moderate -for more of a psychological effect rather than a physical one. For me, it was the belt.

With children (just as with animals, but especially since they're developing humans), it is important to establish boundaries. It's sad that this ongoing trend of not hitting children no-matter-what is just giving us a bunch of disrespectful kids and teenagers as a result. That is not good, especially for them.

As with us, older generations (I was born in 1974), it was not such a bad deal, since now we're old enough to understand the reasons why we sometimes got spanked or belted. As long as there is a sound reason, and it comes after several serious warnings (as with the case of RedImperator), a little corporeal corrective is okay. Or should we say that all of us people 35 and older owe our present state of depravity and mental instability to the kind of upbringing we had?

Why, you may ask? As a psychologist, I can tell you that at a very young ages, it is pretty much useless trying to reason and cut deals with children. The mistake is that we're trying to deal with them as if they were adults (which they're not), and, just like any other superior animal (think mammals and avians), they will try new behaviours and seek out where the boundaries are. Your responsibility, as a parent, is to try and help your child become the best kind of person he/she can, as far as you can go before he/she becomes an adult. Your parental authority, derived from such responsibility, is NOT SUBJECT TO NEGOTIATION. If you tell your kid not to do something because you're seriously convinced it's not good for him/her, that is that. Or are you going to debate whether or not drugs are good for him/her?

Of course, there ARE other methods, which should be tried -by all means!-, but the thing is that, in the end, when everything else fails, BEHAVIOURISM never does. It's a simple cause-and-effect matter. You misbehave even though you've been properly warned? You get a spanking. Not something really harsh, but just enough to make you regret you did whatever it was you were doing. Animals can understand that, and so do we, humans. Of course, there's the added effect of feeling you've lost your parent's approval, at least for some time. That goes a long way with normal children. If you're smart, you won't try that again.

If you think hitting a child for any reason is hideous, what do you think of kids who hit and physically hurt their parents, who call them names, who dismiss all instructions they give them or who treat then like dirt otherwise?

And not for the sake of the parents only, but rather, for the kids themselves. What kind of adults can we expect them to grow up to be?

Or, in other words, as the proverb goes: "Sometimes you've got to hit your kids a little to correct them, out of love and caring... .otherwise, it will be LIFE that will take on the job, and it will NOT be as gentle as you would."

As a mental exercise: what would you do if your kid called you an asshole (provided you know that he/she knows what the word means)?

Why the hell are all of you so proud of being whipped ?

I was slapped once growing up, around age 16-17, i'd cycled ahead of my family on a trip to the USA (after telling them, but not clearly enough apparently that i'd wait for them at the end of the trail. They were worried sick.

For me it was always spanking, and only a very occasional thing, usually when I said something that really ticked my father off at a particularly inopportune moment. Some of the things I said were probably obnoxious enough to merit it; I'm pretty darn sure some of them weren't, but I have no idea what the percentages were.

Less than a lot of you got, but then I'm considerably younger than most of the people writing here about how they got spanked when they were kids.

Count Chocula wrote:My grandfather, though...man he really whaled on his kids. My mom and uncles told me things he did that really went beyond the pale. Mebbe it was because he grew up dirt poor and ignorant in the 1920s and '30s, or maybe because WWII fucked up his head, but he'd discipline with the "go pick your stick" if he was in a good mood, or his fists when he wasn't. Ouch. Although, from what I remember of what I was told, by the time his kids were teenagers he stopped the physical punishment.

I think some parents who hit their kids a lot stop when they realize there's a plausible chance of the kids hitting back... and winning. I can't prove that, though.

Akkleptos wrote:If you think hitting a child for any reason is hideous, what do you think of kids who hit and physically hurt their parents, who call them names, who dismiss all instructions they give them or who treat then like dirt otherwise?

And not for the sake of the parents only, but rather, for the kids themselves. What kind of adults can we expect them to grow up to be?

...the sort who will hit their kids just as they used to hit their parents, thus entirely defeating the original objective of ensuring that no children get hit ever?

The Grim Squeaker wrote:Why the hell are all of you so proud of being whipped ?

People who went through a bad experience because they did something foolish* will often boast about it a bit afterwards, sort of a comparing scars thing. It's not unusual.

*regardless of whether the bad experience was proportionate to the foolishness

Simon_Jester wrote:...the sort who will hit their kids just as they used to hit their parents, thus entirely defeating the original objective of ensuring that no children get hit ever?

His point was that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your objective is unsupported. And no, "kids getting hit is bad because it is" is not a good way to support a position.

Note; I have no opinion either way ATM. But considering that he is the professional psychologist...

Formless wrote:

Simon_Jester wrote:...the sort who will hit their kids just as they used to hit their parents, thus entirely defeating the original objective of ensuring that no children get hit ever?

His point was that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your objective is unsupported. And no, "kids getting hit is bad because it is" is not a good way to support a position.

I think you misunderstood.

I was agreeing with him that there's a problem with totally unruly children. I was trying to point out that violent and unruly children will likely grow up into violent and unruly adults... who hit their children. If you decide never to physically punish a violent and unruly child because it's "always wrong" to hit kids no matter what, your children might never get hit in this scenario, but you can bet your grandchildren are at risk of getting hit.

Therefore, the original objective of the "never hit children, not even a minor spanking, because it's wrong" crowd can wind up shooting itself in the foot over multiple generations, which is what I was trying to get at. I was NOT identifying Akkleptos with the crowd in question.

Unfortunately, it seems I was not clear enough. Sorry.

I can recall mother slapping me and even using a wooden stirring spoon (a shaped, flat piece of wood) to punish me. She did it several times when I was a kid.

I only recall dad slapping me once: when I tried to punch him with full strength. I was 6 or so.

Ironically (or perhaps sadly), I recall my larger brother hurting me more than either of my parents. Brother had a bad temper with me.

I think that for children the rule is that only smack them when they can't be reasoned with and even then only in a way that doesn't cause any lasting harm (open-handed slaps on the cheeks or bottoms, so pain is minimal and fades quickly but the psychological effect remains which is what you need). I also believe that it is more important to reward children for good behaviour than punishing them for bad.

This is not a SLAM thread. Moved to OT.

When I was younger I got spanked a few times for misbehaving, my parents' preferred to make my sit on the basement stairs though. As I got older my dad (I usually pissed him off) would just yell at me for 10 to 15 minutes and I had to do yardwork (which I absolutley detested) as punishment.

Akkleptos wrote:It's sad that this ongoing trend of not hitting children no-matter-what is just giving us a bunch of disrespectful kids and teenagers as a result.

You obviously have some kind of proof for this statement, right?

I was never hit for any reason (there where none, also, actually; I was too occupied being precociously neurotic); my parents where rather absent figures in other aspects, though.
As for the thought experiment, I can't easily imagine having children at all (having basically no positive model for child-rearing, I dread repeating the mistakes of my parents), but I can use personal experience, I suppose. Anyway, as a relatively young child I happened to speak to my parents in extremely negative terms (not actually "asshole", I dislike vulgarity in speech), along the lines of "petty and with a dramatically inflated opinion of their parental skills", and, well, I was simply right. I suppose that it depends on context, if I realized that it was true, being angered because of it seems rather self-righteous, if it wasn't I might be offended, but hitting people (I don't see why your child should be some kind of preferential target and it's not like it's educationally useful, as far as research in the matter goes) because you are offended is not an advisable habit.

Shrykull wrote:
On a side note, what would you do if you child's friends parent hit your kid. Once my mom tried to slap my friend (and missed) after he was laughing during her lecture on how we were treating my younger brother like shit. After she missed, she grabbed him by the arm and swung him across the room. I assume he never told his parents. He didn't turn out well, and has been in and out of jail his whole adult life, but I told my mom she could get in some deep shit.

Probably explain to them that I consider that behaviour unacceptable (we don't use physical punishment) and if it happens again then my kids are not coming over.

And, do you think that children being forced to give relatives kisses, or their parents thinking they have the right to kiss thier child even if they don't want them to. I'd say that's sexual abuse.

I let my kids give me a kiss on the cheek if they want, totally up to them.

It only happened once, when I was potty training. I was standing in the middle of the living room peeing on the carpet and my mom ran up behind me and swatted my butt. Apparently I stopped immediately and never did it again.