Mr Bean wrote:BlackAdder, I hardly knew yee..
That was the idea
I have a plan so cunning you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!
Baldrick:
I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it...
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Blackadder:
Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.
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Blackadder:
What's on the menu?
Baldrick:
Rat: sautee or fricasee.
Blackadder:
Oh, the agony of choice. Sauteed involves...?
Baldrick:
Well, first you take a freshly shaven rat and marinate it in a mud puddle for a while.
Blackadder:
Mmm, for how long?
Baldrick:
Til it's drowned.
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Melchett:
Row, row, row your punt gently down the stream,
George:
Belts off, trousers down, life is such a scream. UNNHH!!
Blackadder:
Fabulous. University education: you can't beat it.
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George:
I'm as bored as a pacifist pistol.
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Blackadder:
Now, Baldrick, ask me some simple questions.
Baldrick:
Right. Wot is your name?
Blackadder:
Wooble.
Baldrick:
Wot is two plus two?
Blackadder:
Oh, wooble wooble.
Blackadder:
Where do you live?
Blackadder:
London.
Baldrick:
Eh?
Blackadder:
A small village on Mars, just outside the capital city...Wooble.
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Blackadder:
We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which millions of men have died, & we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.
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George:
I say, Blackadder, what a ghastly squit! He's not going to win, is he?
Edmund:
No, sir, because firstly, we shall fight this campaign on issues, not personalities. Secondly, we will be the only fresh thing on the menu. And thirdly, of course, we'll cheat.
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Edmund:
Well, sir, one name does leap to mind.
George:
Does it?
Edmund:
Yes, sir."
George:
You couldn't make it leap any higher, could you?
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Edmund:
What is your name, boy ?
Boy:
Kate.
Edmund:
Kate, that's an unusual name for a boy.
Boy:
It's short for ... Bob.
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Baldrick:
But I've been in your service since I was two & a half!
Edmund:
Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you!
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Edmund:
For as we all know, God made man in his own image. It'd be a sad lookout for Christians throughout the globe if God looked anything like you, Baldrick.
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Flash (to Baldrick):
Thanks, bridesmaid! Like the beard! Gives me something to hang on to!
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Hag:
Two things, my lord, must thee know of the Wisewoman. First, she is
... a woman, and second, she is ...
Edmund:
Wise?
Hag:
Oh! You know her then?
Edmund:
No, just a wild stab in the dark, which, is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Do you know where she lives?
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Edmund:
Ah ha. Lets see if I've got this straight. If I admit that I'm in love with... [guard shakes his head.] No?? [guard does a half somersault] Oh, If I say that I'm head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool, but we can't quite make that out, and roast them over a large fire. Whereas, if I don't admit that I'm head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmalade.. [pause..sees guard isn't finished...realisation] AND remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool. Well in that case, I love Satan.... [guard produces a scythe] Oh, it's a scythe....