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http://stardestroyer.dyndns-home.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=15170
Yes; he's one of my favorite comedians.Zaia wrote:I've just spent 14 hours on a bus over the past 36 hours, and as per part of the road trip deal, we watched some movies and stuff, and one of the things we watched was some stand-up comedy by Eddie Izzard. Ever heard of him? He's HILAAAAAAAAAAAAARIOUS. Love him.
For my English Language coursework the class watched the stand-up routines of Lee Evans, Tommy Cooper and Eddie Izzard on DVD. Damn that was the funniest 3 hours of my life at college!And Henry VIII, a big hairy king, went up to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope! I'm gonna marry my first wife, then I'm gonna divorce her. Now, I know what you're gonna say, but stick with me. My story gets better. Second wife, I'm gonna kill her! Cut her head off. Ah, not expecting that, are we? Third wife gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her in a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a rotissamat. Seventh wife, made out of jam..." and the Pope is saying, "You crazy bugger! You can't do all this, what are you a Mormon? It's illegal. What have you been reading? The gospel according to St. Bastard?"
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You have the American dream! The American dream is to be born in the gutter and have nothing. Then to raise up and have all the money in the world, and stick it in your ears and go PLBTLBTLBLTLBTLBLT!! That's a pretty good dream.
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We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!"
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Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a f**king squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "F**king nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit."
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What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? We shall call him Englebert Humperdink! Yes, that'll work.
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Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."
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The National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, uh, people do." But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
(re: British actors playing all the bad guys on the Death Star)
Eddie: (1)What is it Lt. Sebastian? (2)It’s the Rebels, sir. They’re here. (1)My God, man. Do they want tea? (2)No, I think they're after something more than that, sir. I don’t know what it is, but they’ve brought a flag.
And the pope apologised for the spanish inquisition,,, he said it was FAR TOO inquisitive. was just meant to be the spanish casual chat.
Confess Don Miguel, Confess
Confess what!?
I dunno,,,, what ya got?
"And Henry VIII, who is Sean Connery for this film ..."Zaia wrote:I'm going out to pick up his DVD today because I simply must own him. Tooooooooooo funny! I just about peed myself laughing.
"Hilda, Hilda! Wake up, my German wife!"
"What is it, Dr. Heimlich?"
"Why you call me Dr. Heimlich? I'm your husband, for fuck's sake. Don't be so bloody Prussian."
"What is it, Gunter?"
"I have just invented a maneouvre."