Albertson's and the 7th Gate of Hell
Posted: 2003-03-18 12:09am
I just got back from there, and I have come to a realization: The janitor's closet in Alberston IS the 7th gate of hell. How have I come to know this?
Well, the entire staff and the one that I peruse are either incredible assholes, or are mad enough to rip open bags and chips and throw them at me. Now, this does not happen normally, as I've seen perfectly sane people walk in to work there and come out covered in Sour Cream and Onion and Barbeque chip flakes. There must be a connection to some kind of taint permeating its aisles.
Now, in the dead of night at 3 AM, I walked into the store, half-unconscious and clinging wildly to my sanity. I was determined to find this damn evil source of evilness and...and...And expose it! Yah, that's right. So, anyway, I'm walking about, and I see the area that leads off to the janitor's closet. Around it are two "Wet Floor" signs. I knew it to be a cunning disguise!
You see, every time I entered Alberston's, I remembered those two "Wet Floor" signs to be there, in front of the janitor's closet. And so cleverly a diversion, as EVERYONE knows that you can't challenge the authority of the plastic yellow sign with a man falling and breaking his neck! It's just too strong! So that is how I know. I know that the evilness of the 7th gate of Hell is locked SOMEWHERE in that closet. I will exorcise it! I will defeat it, and salvage the souls of my friends!
But, I need help, I need ways to bypass the field of force that the "Wet Floor" signs give off! So I call to you, my fellow boardmembers to take up the call and defeat the menace that is the Albertson's Janitor's Closet! We will destroy them or die trying! ONWARD!
Mmmm...Coffee...Javajavajavajavajavajavajavajava
Well, the entire staff and the one that I peruse are either incredible assholes, or are mad enough to rip open bags and chips and throw them at me. Now, this does not happen normally, as I've seen perfectly sane people walk in to work there and come out covered in Sour Cream and Onion and Barbeque chip flakes. There must be a connection to some kind of taint permeating its aisles.
Now, in the dead of night at 3 AM, I walked into the store, half-unconscious and clinging wildly to my sanity. I was determined to find this damn evil source of evilness and...and...And expose it! Yah, that's right. So, anyway, I'm walking about, and I see the area that leads off to the janitor's closet. Around it are two "Wet Floor" signs. I knew it to be a cunning disguise!
You see, every time I entered Alberston's, I remembered those two "Wet Floor" signs to be there, in front of the janitor's closet. And so cleverly a diversion, as EVERYONE knows that you can't challenge the authority of the plastic yellow sign with a man falling and breaking his neck! It's just too strong! So that is how I know. I know that the evilness of the 7th gate of Hell is locked SOMEWHERE in that closet. I will exorcise it! I will defeat it, and salvage the souls of my friends!
But, I need help, I need ways to bypass the field of force that the "Wet Floor" signs give off! So I call to you, my fellow boardmembers to take up the call and defeat the menace that is the Albertson's Janitor's Closet! We will destroy them or die trying! ONWARD!
Mmmm...Coffee...Javajavajavajavajavajavajavajava