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Canada-wide arrest warrant for Jesus!
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:33pm
by Darth Wong
Yessir, the Messiah has returned and is wanted for murder!
The Toronto Star wrote:Man arrested in slaying of Lisa Posluns
Real estate broker killed in building where she worked
NICHOLAS KEUNG
STAFF REPORTER
Police have arrested a suspect in the slaying of real estate broker Lisa Posluns, who was killed in a Yorkville office building last November.
Nelson Jesus, 33, was arrested late last night on Euclid Ave., north of Queen St. W.
Earlier yesterday, police had publicly identified Jesus in a Canada-wide arrest warrant for the Nov. 2, 2002 slaying of the 38-year-old Toronto woman.
The warrant said he was being sought for first-degree murder
"He (Jesus) has served a significant sentence for sexual assaults with a weapon and forcible confinement," in another case, homicide Detective Graham Hanlon told reporters at a news conference in police headquarters.
Posluns' body was found on the ground floor of her Yorkville office building at 94 Cumberland St. the morning of Nov. 3, 2002.
She had been stabbed repeatedly.
Yesterday, police also revealed for the first time that Posluns was sexually assaulted.
Hanlon would not comment if Posluns was targeted or attacked randomly.
He also refused to say whether the suspect and the victim were known to each other or whether Jesus worked in Posluns' building.
Jesus was charged with sexual assault in 1995 and was later sentenced to two years in jail. A 17-year-old girl had been forced into a house where she was handcuffed and sexually assaulted at gunpoint.
"The examination of the scene and the information we received from members of the public has assisted us to identify Nelson Jesus. I can also tell you that science will play a role in the court proceeding," the detective noted, adding that the OPP's behavioural science unit played a key role in breaking the case.
Police had heightened their alert in the areas where Jesus was known to frequent.
Anyone with information should call the homicide squad at 416-808-7408 or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS.
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:34pm
by Mitth`raw`nuruodo
Didn't someone try to sue God once?
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:34pm
by Ghost Rider
LMAO...and even better happened on my birthday.
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:36pm
by Next of Kin
When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:40pm
by Darth Garden Gnome
Next of Kin wrote:When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?
More like Bubba.
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:41pm
by Straha
Mitth'raw'nuruodo wrote:Didn't someone try to sue God once?
Yeah, and won by Defaukt because he failed to show up. However payment is still lacking.
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:41pm
by Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
And some people worship this guy?
It's just as good as the headline involving the store owner named "Jesus".
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:46pm
by weemadando
Mitth'raw'nuruodo wrote:Didn't someone try to sue God once?
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0268437
Funny movie...
Posted: 2003-03-25 09:48pm
by Durandal
Shit that is just too funny.
How much would you bet that an American newspaper wouldn't publish that?
Posted: 2003-03-25 10:13pm
by RogueIce
Darth Garden Gnome wrote:Next of Kin wrote:When Jesus goes to jail will he turn to, err, Jesus?
More like Bubba.
Hm, is that thunder I hear...?
Posted: 2003-03-25 10:35pm
by Sea Skimmer
I've not got these stupid mental images of this guy kneeling the pray, then racing to the podium to answer himself, then back over and over again much like the "lawyer cross examining himself" gag.
Posted: 2003-03-26 01:11pm
by Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
Durandal wrote:Shit that is just too funny.
How much would you bet that an American newspaper wouldn't publish that?
I believe a US paper published a similar incident, which said "Jesus Faces Criminal Charges".
As for the topic, we now know that not only is he risen, he's been here since 1995, and the Fundies didn't know! They weren't expecting him for another 5 years!
Posted: 2003-03-26 01:39pm
by Zoink
Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?
Posted: 2003-03-26 02:55pm
by jegs2
"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"
Posted: 2003-03-26 02:57pm
by Stravo
Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?
If this is the second coming he certainly took a wrong turn somewhere. Or maybe he's the way he was - a rabble rouser and criminal. We're just seeing it now through our modern eyes.
Posted: 2003-03-26 03:09pm
by Sea Skimmer
Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?
Don't feed the fundies
Posted: 2003-03-26 08:17pm
by Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
Zoink wrote:Hmm, wasn't Jesus 33 when he was killed (?) ... this guy is 33... could this be the second coming?
Yes, but he has a criminal record on going back to at least 1995, so he would be 25 then.
Posted: 2003-03-28 06:48am
by Darth Gojira
LMAO!!! This is better than that Jesus guy who got busted for porn!
Posted: 2003-03-28 06:49am
by His Divine Shadow
jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"
They had a fun incident about that in Spin City once...
Posted: 2003-04-11 01:18pm
by Darth Gojira
jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"
Isn't it interesting that many Latinos(Including an uncle of mine) have that name EVEN though Jevus was a main motivating factor for idiots in silly helmets waving guns around that enslaved their ancestors? "Senor, acceptan la amor de Jesus o mueren*draws sword*" "Hmmmm. Is there a third choice, by any chance?"
Posted: 2003-04-11 01:20pm
by Darth Gojira
jegs2 wrote:"Jesus" is actually a popular Hispanic name, although it is generally used for first names and is pronounced, "Hey-Soos"
Isn't it interesting that many Latinos(Including an uncle of mine) have that name EVEN though Jevus was a main motivating factor for idiots in silly helmets waving guns around that enslaved their ancestors? "Senor, acceptan la amor de Jesus o mueren(Or its Portugese equivalent)*draws sword*" "Hmmmm. Is there a third choice, by any chance?"
Posted: 2003-04-11 01:26pm
by Companion Cube
Darth Gojira wrote:LMAO!!! This is better than that Jesus guy who got busted for porn!
'Jesus arrested for promoting Obscenity...' Yeah, I remember that one...
Posted: 2003-04-11 01:47pm
by Admiral Valdemar
Heh, reminds me of someone at my old school who was part of a large Colombian family at the sixth form there. He was called Jesus (pronounced Jez-us). I'm sure he was part of a drugs cartel...
That "The Man Who Sued God" looks good, I hope it's on rental near me.
