StarDestroyer.Net BBS

The owner of a type 49 Bugatti wrote Ettore Bugatti about the trouble he was having getting it started in cold weather.
Bugatti wrote back telling him to get a heated garage.

Bugatti commented on the complaints about the brakes on his cars:
"I make cars to go fast, not to stop."

A woman once said to Winston Churchill,
"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd commit suicide."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I'd let you."

Benjamin Franklin was attending a ball while ambassador to France:
Mme. X "Mr. Franklin, your penis is sticking out!"
Franklin "Do not flatter yourself madame, it is HANGING out."

The first two I'm sure are true. Not so sure about the last two, but they were too good to pass up.
Anybody else?

edit- added "Apocryphal Quotes" to title

Frank Hipper wrote:A woman once said to Winston Churchill,
"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd commit suicide."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I'd let you."

I've seen a different verson of this one before; instead of saying she would commit suicide, she said she would poison him.

Benjamin Franklin was attending a ball while ambassador to France:
Mme. X "Mr. Franklin, your penis is sticking out!"
Franklin "Do not flatter yourself madame, it is HANGING out."

LOL

Don't know if either is true or not.

http://www.workinghumor.com/quotes/wins ... hill.shtml

a good list of WinstonChurchil's finest, although I think Yogi Berra is the king of the one liner.

"I took a two hour nap from one to four."

"It aint over till it's over"

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"It's never happened before and it hasn't happened since"

Yogi was once asked, what time is it? "You mean now?"

there are dozens of others as well, makes me wish I had been around in the fifties to see him play ball.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Just after WW2, a soccer game was held in Germany, it was against England. Germany won.
German captian: We just beat you in your national sport
English captain: Well we just beat you in yours.

Not sure if it's true or not.

Gandalf wrote:Just after WW2, a soccer game was held in Germany, it was against England. Germany won.
German captian: We just beat you in your national sport
English captain: Well we just beat you in yours.

Not sure if it's true or not.

ROFLMAO!

Benjamin Franklin was attending a ball while ambassador to France:
Mme. X "Mr. Franklin, your penis is sticking out!"
Franklin "Do not flatter yourself madame, it is HANGING out."

Reportedly, he also said this while in Paris:

Young woman: Mr. Franklin, if that [indicating his stomach] were on a woman then we'd know what to think.
Franklin: Two hours ago, it was on a woman. What do you think now?

Gandalf wrote:Just after WW2, a soccer game was held in Germany, it was against England. Germany won.
German captian: We just beat you in your national sport
English captain: Well we just beat you in yours.

Not sure if it's true or not.

Shouldn't it be France, though.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

One time, a young lady sat down next the notoriously silent President Calvin Coolidge. She told him that she had made a bet with her friend that she could get him to say three words. His response: "You lose."

THe Earl of Sandwich said that John Wilkes would die "either on the gallows or of a loathesome disease."

Wilkies replied: "That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

Frank Hipper wrote: A woman once said to Winston Churchill,
"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd commit suicide."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I'd let you."

Actually, I think it goes, "Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I would give you poison."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Johonebesus wrote:

Frank Hipper wrote: A woman once said to Winston Churchill,
"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd commit suicide."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I'd let you."

Actually, I think it goes, "Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I would give you poison."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Yup, so Xalev informs us, hence the "apocryphal" in the title.
And I like your version better, too.

fgalkin wrote:

Gandalf wrote:Just after WW2, a soccer game was held in Germany, it was against England. Germany won.
German captian: We just beat you in your national sport
English captain: Well we just beat you in yours.

Not sure if it's true or not.

Shouldn't it be France, though.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

In place of Germany or England?

"The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives." -Churchill

"Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it is one of the best." -Woody Allen

Gandalf wrote:

fgalkin wrote:

Gandalf wrote:Just after WW2, a soccer game was held in Germany, it was against England. Germany won.
German captian: We just beat you in your national sport
English captain: Well we just beat you in yours.

Not sure if it's true or not.

Shouldn't it be France, though.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

In place of Germany or England?

Germany. France has lost a lot more wars than Germany.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

goodquotes.com

fgalkin wrote:

Gandalf wrote:

fgalkin wrote: Shouldn't it be France, though.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

In place of Germany or England?

Germany. France has lost a lot more wars than Germany.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Thought so.

"TWO WORLD WARS, ONE WORLD CUP!"
--English soccer chant, when playing in Germany.

Pablo Sanchez wrote:"TWO WORLD WARS, ONE WORLD CUP!"
--English soccer chant, when playing in Germany.

That and the Coolridge one I like the best.

Johonebesus wrote:

Frank Hipper wrote: A woman once said to Winston Churchill,
"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd commit suicide."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I'd let you."

Actually, I think it goes, "Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I would give you poison."
"Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

The woman in the quotation, I believe, was Nancy Cartwright, the wife of the American ambassador to England at the time, with whom Sir Winston was friendly. The proper quotation is,

"Winston, if I were your wife, I'd poison your tea."
"Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink the tea."

You cant beat France at its national pasttime, they surrender before beginning to fight.

Gandalf wrote:"The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives." -Churchill

"Translator? Translator! What is the opposite of Vive la France?" -Curchill at Yalta

A female reporter was interviewing a colonel or a general, forgot which. The reporter says something about the army equipping soldiers with guns makes them into cold-hearted killers. And the commander replied with something like:

"Well you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not, right?"

Well, this is only the flimsiest excuse to break this out; I don't recall which famous person said it. I do recall that it was during the forties at a fairly large social gathering. One of the guests of honor has just brusquely dismissed a rather unattractive female admirer in favor of talking business with his friends, to which she responds:

Ugly Woman: "Well, I never!"
Business Guy: "And with a face like that, madam, you never will."

"Some things are the same wherever you go, like: if it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick." - Dave Attell

Good to know.

LADY: Winston, you're drunk!
CHURCHILL: Yes, madam, but tomorrow morning, I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly.

FRANK LAYDEN (Utah Jazz Coach): Was your bad playing today due to ignorance or apathy?
JEFF WILKINS (Jazz Forward): I don't know, and I don't care.

"Here's an expression I question. 'Legally drunk.' Well if it's legal, what's the problem?! 'Leave me alone, officer! I'm legally drunk!'"
-George Carlin