Everything you wanted to know about life behind bars!

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 02:44am

Ask Shep your questions on what life is like behind bars, and I'll try
to answer them as well as I can!

and with that, I'm off for the night!

Now, my prediction: A decent amount of posts will be here by
tomorrow morning, and most of them will have to do with
anal sex in the shower with "bubba"

Cthulhu-chan · Post by **Cthulhu-chan** » 2003-03-27 02:48am

May as well not dissapoint... So is it really true that "dropping the soap" is not only a bad idea, but punishable by buggery?

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-03-27 02:55am

Seriously dude =do they fuck folks ijn the asss? or is it jsuyt child molesters? So mny stories so little time.

I'm plastered but I still wonder if my questyion is real. Is it as bad as the movies make it or is it more relaxed? Is it "shawshank redemption" or like "Oz"? (killer show).;/

later

Post by **Edi** » 2003-03-27 03:20am

Coyote, that being plastered definitely shows up in your typing...

What are the typical living conditions, i.e. how many people per cell, what are the cells like in terms of decor, furniture and so on (not much, I'd expect, bunk, toilet, painted walls, table, chair or two, is that anywhere near right?)

Edi

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-03-27 03:21am

Two questions:

1. What's the food like?

2. How are the beds (as in comfort-wise)?

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-03-27 03:27am

Is it boring?

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-03-27 04:32am

Well, not to steal Shep's thunder, but a friend of mine spent a couple years in prison. When I asked him about manly butt-sex, he said that yes, it happens, but not often, and that he doubted that it was ever actually rape. Basically, if some guys are fucking in prison, it's probably consensual.
Be that as it may, a former prison guard of my aquaintence said that he witnessed a rape, and did nothing about it. What a piece of shit, eh?
Having been in jail a couple times myself, I can tell you that the food can vary from edible to appalling, and the cots have varied from a concrete slab to metal shelves with thin, thin "mattresses".
Boredom can induce hunger, interestingly enough, and when you're hungry, you'll eat anything.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 10:43am

Cthulhu-chan wrote:May as well not dissapoint... So is it really true that "dropping the soap" is not only a bad idea, but punishable by buggery?

Unfortunately for y'all, but FORTUNATELY for me, I was in a jail that had
separate showers. No communal showers.

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-03-27 11:30am

I remember you wrote me letters from there, complaining about how the porn rags had only black chicks.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-27 01:03pm

1. What did you og to jail for?
2. Was it maximum-security prison, or one of them minimum security resorts?
3. How long were you there?
4. Did you get assraped?
5. How was the food?
6. What did you do in your cell?
7. What were your cell maktes there for? (Auuming you had any, considering this prison had seperate showers)

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:14pm

Dalton wrote:I remember you wrote me letters from there, complaining about how the porn rags had only black chicks.

Hehehehhe, lol, I think I still have one of your letters in my files.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:19pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:1. What did you og to jail for?

Attempted Murder, later plea barganed down to Assault one

2. Was it maximum-security prison, or one of them minimum security resorts?

It wasn't prison. It was a jail. You only get sent to prison AFTER
you're convicted, (unless of course, the feds are charging you,
then they hold you in their own prison system before the trial)

3. How long were you there?

9 Months.

4. Did you get assraped?

Nope.

5. How was the food?

Shit. Absolute Shit. The only thing they couldn't fuck up
badly was tapioca.

6. What did you do in your cell?

Read books and write fanfic (Phoenix Company (at least the
first half) was written in Jail.

7. What were your cell maktes there for? (Auuming you had any, considering this prison had seperate showers)

We had 2 people to a cell, and letsee:

One of the people in my wing was in for car theft; he tried to run
over the cops, so they swisscheesed his legs thru the car door.

Another was in for drunk driving - he died of a heart attack one
night a month before he was to be released.

Another was in for robbery. We had some very interesting talks
especially after I mentioned that I had worked at CVS - he said he
might have ripped off my store at one time in the past

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:21pm

Vympel wrote:Is it boring?

God, yes. I read every Tom Clancy Novel, then every dale brown novel,
and then Ralph Peeters, then larry bond, shit loads of books. I probably
read about 100~ books in my time there

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:22pm

I notice the responses to this haven't been flooding in. Perhaps it's because
this is probably destroying certain' people's preconceptions of what I did
in jail, and that they'd rather keep up their delusions of me being bubba's
bitch in jail..

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:24pm

Dalton wrote:I remember you wrote me letters from there, complaining about how the porn rags had only black chicks.

I only wrote maybe 1 or 2 letters to you. One of them was typed up
on the computer in the jail library during one of our bi-monthly visits
there: If I recall correctly, I mentioned a "pocket ISD" concept for
a fanfic, commerce raiding across the federation like the KMS
_Graf Spee_

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-03-27 01:27pm

So, you said that you read 100 books in jail. Which one was your favoriate?

You also said you went there for attempted murder. Who did you attempt to murder?

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 01:38pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:So, you said that you read 100 books in jail. Which one was your favoriate?

Hard to say. Let me get my list out. I kept track of all the books
I read in jail (mostly), by writing them down. While I was there,
I also trolled through the dictionary, writing down possible ISD
names (yes, I was THAT bored).

off the top of my head, I would have to say the best book I read
in jail was "SPYCATCHER" by Peter Wright, former Assistant
Director of MI-5.

You also said you went there for attempted murder. Who did you attempt to murder?

My Dad.

Baron Mordo · Post by **Baron Mordo** » 2003-03-27 02:17pm

MKSheppard wrote:
You also said you went there for attempted murder. Who did you attempt to murder?
My Dad.

Uh

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-03-27 02:36pm

So, in jail for attempted murder. Can't say I'm surprised.

And on topic, what were the sanitary conditions there?

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 03:00pm

Captain tycho wrote: And on topic, what were the sanitary conditions there?

Stainless steel toilets with no toilet seats

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-03-27 03:05pm

Did anyone one get killed or severely injured by improvised weapons? If so, what happened and how was it done?

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 03:13pm

aerius wrote:Did anyone one get killed or severely injured by improvised weapons? If so, what happened and how was it done?

Only thing that came close was when someone ripped a telephone headset
off it's steel chain handle to use as a bludgeoning weapon.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-03-27 03:19pm

Geez.

This is jail he's talking about people! Murders might happen in LA County jail, but that's known as a worse hell-hole than most prisons in the country.
I'm surprised no one's expressed any shock at the fact that I've been to jail. Heh, 3 different ones, actually.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-03-27 03:26pm

aerius wrote:Did anyone one get killed or severely injured by improvised weapons? If so, what happened and how was it done?

Oh almost forgot:

A few years before I arrived, a prisoner stabbed a guard with a ballpoint
pen, and because of that, they took away all of our normal ballpoint
pens and issued us with flexible pens, which were pieces of shit. when
we tried to "stiffen" up the pens so we could write easier with them,
they became "contraband" subject to seizure

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-03-27 03:27pm

Umm Crierie, please visit this site:

http://www.toya.net.pl/~kazzie/flash/youare.swf

Have A Nice Day.