Brits suffer humiliating defeat in Iraq

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-04-04 01:06am

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=s ... 0403202551

SOUTHERN IRAQ (AFP) - (Pool material) Eleven British Royal Marines have come under the kosh on the dusty streets of Umm Khayyal, being handed a 7-3 thrashing by the local football team, resplendent in full strip, boots and squad numbers.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-04 01:16am

Ha! We need to teach them baseball. It's a perfect game for a country that's hot all the fucking time. Baseball players spend most of the game just standing around.

I nominate Rheal "I turned a one-run Marlins lead in the seventh into an embarassing blowout in just one inning" Cormier to be the first American sent over to the new Iraqi Baseball League.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-04 01:20am

Fuck baseball. We need to spread American Football to the people of the world. Nothing to suppress bloodlust like watching a linebacker slam into a receiver.

Queeb Salaron · Post by **Queeb Salaron** » 2003-04-04 01:21am

RedImperator wrote:Ha! We need to teach them baseball. It's a perfect game for a country that's hot all the fucking time. Baseball players spend most of the game just standing around.

I nominate Rheal "I turned a one-run Marlins lead in the seventh into an embarassing blowout in just one inning" Cormier to be the first American sent over to the new Iraqi Baseball League.

Don't even get me started with the Sox's bullpen...

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-04 01:23am

Durran Korr wrote:Fuck baseball. We need to spread American Football to the people of the world. Nothing to suppress bloodlust like watching a linebacker slam into a receiver.

SUPPRESS bloodlust? When I'm watching football, I spew profanity that would light a nuns on fire from forty paces. I kick over chairs. I throw shit all over the room. I punch walls. And that's when the Eagles are winning.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-04 01:26am

Queeb Salaron wrote:
RedImperator wrote:Ha! We need to teach them baseball. It's a perfect game for a country that's hot all the fucking time. Baseball players spend most of the game just standing around.

I nominate Rheal "I turned a one-run Marlins lead in the seventh into an embarassing blowout in just one inning" Cormier to be the first American sent over to the new Iraqi Baseball League.
Don't even get me started with the Sox's bullpen...

My ex-girlfriend is a diehard Red Sox fan, and a Pedro fan on top of that. Bringing up the Red Sox bullpen made her so angry once I missed out on sex that night. Also, I've found it's prudent not to mention my theory that Red Sox fans would end up being more hurt in the long run if the Sox won the Series, because then instead of being diehard fans of a team with a curse, they'd just be a fan of a team that's one two lousy championships in the last eighty-five years.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2003-04-04 01:27am

Whereas Major League Baseball is a surefire cure for insomnia.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-04 01:27am

RedImperator wrote:
Durran Korr wrote:Fuck baseball. We need to spread American Football to the people of the world. Nothing to suppress bloodlust like watching a linebacker slam into a receiver.
SUPPRESS bloodlust? When I'm watching football, I spew profanity that would light a nuns on fire from forty paces. I kick over chairs. I throw shit all over the room. I punch walls. And that's when the Eagles are winning.

Exactly. It gives people an outlet to express their violent nature. Better than war!

I can't watch Georgia football games with other people (I have to either be at the game, or watching it alone). I get violent, I throw shit, I swear, I give high fives that almost break wrists.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-04 01:32am

Hmm, you might have a point. Look at how violent they get over soccer matches in places like England, which is about as uncivilized and violent as a desk lamp, over a game about as exciting as baking soda. Then compare it to your typical Eagles game at the Vet (may she rest in peace), where the fans in the cheap seats get so drunk and rowdy they opened a courtroom in the basement, yet after the game they've never gone on a murderous rampage through....well, through the fish-packing district and the municipal sewage plant.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-04-04 01:34am

Fuck this American football shit. What you want is unadulterated Rugby Union goodness.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-04 01:37am

weemadando wrote:Fuck this American football shit. What you want is unadulterated Rugby Union goodness.

Fuck rugby, I want gigantic defensive tackles knocking the shit out of goddamned rush monkey quarterbacks.

Rubberanvil · Post by **Rubberanvil** » 2003-04-04 01:49am

Teach them either ice or roller hockey, not those girlie-men sports.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2003-04-04 01:52am

Durran Korr wrote:
weemadando wrote:Fuck this American football shit. What you want is unadulterated Rugby Union goodness.
Fuck rugby, I want gigantic defensive tackles knocking the shit out of goddamned rush monkey quarterbacks.

Yeah with like 25 pounds of armour and equiptment.

Real manly sport you guys got there.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2003-04-04 01:52am

Rubberanvil wrote:Teach them either ice or roller hockey, not those girlie-men sports.

Hockey is a girlie-man sport.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-04-04 01:55am

Durran Korr wrote:
weemadando wrote:Fuck this American football shit. What you want is unadulterated Rugby Union goodness.
Fuck rugby, I want gigantic defensive tackles knocking the shit out of goddamned rush monkey quarterbacks.

Oooh yes, thats right, the American game.

Where everyone stands around, gets good and ready, then decides to hit each other up for about 10 seconds before standing around again.

Rugby baby. Its the only way to go.

The only time you get a break is when its time to pack for a scrum or set up a line out. And none of this armour shit. And don't give me the shit about "if you don't wear armour you'll get killed". The games evolved to use the armour offensively as well as defensively.

I've got a better idea - Australia and England are two of the nations of the "coalition of the willing". Lets reintroduce the Iraqi's to that greatest sport of colonial oppression.

CRICKET.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2003-04-04 02:46am

Shit, you make it sound like Football players are wearing stormtrooper armor. You got a helmet, a pair of shoulder pads, and thigh, knee, and a tail pad, that are nothing more then five pieces of thin foam. Your whole line about...

And don't give me the shit about "if you don't wear armour you'll get killed".

That's the whole point for the pads. With out the pads, there would be busted open heads, punctured lungs, and a whole list of other shit. What, do you think football players wear pad because they look cool? Hell, even with pads, players get broken necks, legs, arms, ribs, punctred orgains,...ECT.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-04-04 02:56am

KhyronTheBackstabber wrote:Shit, you make it sound like Football players are wearing stormtrooper armor. You got a helmet, a pair of shoulder pads, and thigh, knee, and a tail pad, that are nothing more then five pieces of thin foam. Your whole line about...

And don't give me the shit about "if you don't wear armour you'll get killed".
That's the whole point for the pads. With out the pads, there would be busted open heads, punctured lungs, and a whole list of other shit. What, do you think football players wear pad because they look cool? Hell, even with pads, players get broken necks, legs, arms, ribs, punctred orgains,...ECT.

Dude, I've PLAYED American Football. If neither side wore armour then you'd be killing each other left right and centre, but strangely enough it would be the tackler who would be getting killed most times.

The armour works both ways. Just take it off and play a real sport.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-04-04 03:11am

weemadando wrote:
Durran Korr wrote:
weemadando wrote:Fuck this American football shit. What you want is unadulterated Rugby Union goodness.
Fuck rugby, I want gigantic defensive tackles knocking the shit out of goddamned rush monkey quarterbacks.
Oooh yes, thats right, the American game.

Where everyone stands around, gets good and ready, then decides to hit each other up for about 10 seconds before standing around again.

Rugby baby. Its the only way to go.

The only time you get a break is when its time to pack for a scrum or set up a line out. And none of this armour shit. And don't give me the shit about "if you don't wear armour you'll get killed". The games evolved to use the armour offensively as well as defensively.

I've got a better idea - Australia and England are two of the nations of the "coalition of the willing". Lets reintroduce the Iraqi's to that greatest sport of colonial oppression.

CRICKET.

Now can you imagine the fear it would generate in Iraq iff they heard we were sending in Rugby players Bloodbowl style.

We can add "Sharp Things(tm)" to the armour, and bolt guns, etc.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-04-04 03:11am

Durran Korr wrote:Fuck baseball. We need to spread American Football to the people of the world. Nothing to suppress bloodlust like watching a linebacker slam into a receiver.

Gridiron? the game that sold out to advertising companies? the game for pussys?
hell no!
Teach them Rugby: where the crowd gets to see continous ball time, no helmet, no body armour, just pure action.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2003-04-04 03:19am

weemadando wrote:
Dude, I've PLAYED American Football. If neither side wore armour then you'd be killing each other left right and centre, but strangely enough it would be the tackler who would be getting killed most times.

The armour works both ways. Just take it off and play a real sport.

So you’re saying, take off the pads and don't hit as hard? I don't know what position you played, but I was a defensive lineman, and I had gashes all over my helmet, from getting my head stepped on, and kicked with cleats, I shutter to think what would have happened with out a helmet.

But on the same note, we do play football with out pads. And no not flag, or touch. And, I have been responsible for the breaking, and dislocation, of the bones, of friends. It's hard to get a game going now days.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-04-04 03:24am

KhyronTheBackstabber wrote: So you’re saying, take off the pads and don't hit as hard? I don't know what position you played, but I was a defensive lineman, and I had gashes all over my helmet, from getting my head stepped on, and kicked with cleats, I shutter to think what would have happened with out a helmet.

But on the same note, we do play football with out pads. And no not flag, or touch. And, I have been responsible for the breaking, and dislocation, of the bones, of friends. It's hard to get a game going now days.

Dude, I play rugby and gridiron. Rugby is a FAR tougher sport. Like, orders of magnitude. Harder hits, better hits, and not a single fucking break with the exception of halftime.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-04-04 03:39am

Fear not I'm a Califonia male who plays either Goal or fullback....

Darth PhysBod · Post by **Darth PhysBod** » 2003-04-04 05:08am

Now you see, everyone in these rest of the world knows:

a)how to play football. BTW how is American 'football', football?, when you run around in body armour hugging the thing??

b)Manchester Utd and Beckham

c)Its easy to beat the english at their own game

"Beckham is best, Beckham is best!" shouted Mohammad, a 21-year-old spectator.

"You need him," replied his friend, pointing to the pitch. "You lose bad."

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2003-04-04 05:18am

not politics

And real football owns you all.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-04-04 05:34am

Colonel Olrik wrote:not politics

And real football owns you all.

Tackles Olrik and picks up ball shoves the goalie out of the way and 5 points!..

Ando converts for 3....