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Ladies and Gentlemen, i now present to you... the most screwed up story ever

By: scarred for life on 12/5/2002 11:52:43 PM

this is the most embarrasing thing that has ever happened to me in my life and since it envolves sex i will share it with you..
my first time doing anal on a girl, well first off that shit was tight as fuck it was her first time as well. so we lube up, i slide in(takes about 5 min. to get all the way in) so we're going and everything seems fine she is sream/cry/moaning and say's she's fine so i keep going. well i reach busting pressure and blow all in her ass. when i go to pull out shit starts coming out everywhere. i mean it wont stop. she starts crying and i dont know what to do, so i stick my dick back in as a butt plug. well she got so scared that something was wrong that she called her dad and he came to MY HOUSE, where we where in my room naked with my dick in his daughters ass, takes us to the hospital still attached at the ass. come to find out i ripped her squinter muscle(which controls you holding you shit in). needless to say i have never felt more embarrased in my life. and her dad seeing me with my dick in his daughters ass is something i will never forget.

ROTFLMGDFAOMAHOK!MAHOK!BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!



LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLEVIL!!!!

That's all I can say on the matter.

ROTFLMMFGDQQAO!!!!

OMFG!!! THAT IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING IVE SEEN IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!


How big are you, ten inches by three!!? Holy fucking shit! I've never had any problems like that, and I've been with a guy with a 10" by 3"...

why did you use your dick as a butt plug? why not something else? why not a cork from a whine bottle or something?

I know it isnt funny, but I can't stop laughing...

Can't stop laughing...


That must have been very embarrasing...

I've heard of another story EXACTLY like that....craziness...must be the first time aspect of the anal...

Wow, and I thought that it couldn't get any worse when I insulted some girl, oblivious to the fact that I was actually talking to her cousine ...

Actually, I don't believe that for a second. Would a flaccid penis really be an effective butt plug? And wouldn't ripping your sphincter muscle HURT LIKE FUCK? why did she keep saying she's fine?

Oh my god! That's fucking hilarious. Damn, man that's a good story. Wouldn't want to be you but damn if it wasn't funny.

aphex, that sucks for you, but it still funny as hell.

Christ, guys, this didn't happen to aphex. He's passing around a story he heard elsewhere.

Dalton wrote:Christ, guys, this didn't happen to aphex. He's passing around a story he heard elsewhere.

That's why I don't believe it.

That's just fucking disgusting. Now tell us the one how the girl's contact lens was on your dick

(anyone else seen "Go"?)

Please tell me that you DID NOT video tape that! ROFL!

innerbrat wrote:Actually, I don't believe that for a second. Would a flaccid penis really be an effective butt plug? And wouldn't ripping your sphincter muscle HURT LIKE FUCK? why did she keep saying she's fine?

nobody expects you to believe it as long as you pretend that it´s true. that´s what urban legends are for. hear them pretend to believe them and pass them on. allgemeine volksbelustigung.

That's just....wow. The fact that he made a post about what a dumb shit he is is even worse.

This is almost as bad as the Urban Myth with the drunk babysitter putting a baby in the microwave...

EDIT: Come to think of it, Aphex doesn't say, at any point, that this is true, so why did everyone jump to that conclusion, or assume he was lying?

3rd Impact wrote:This is almost as bad as the Urban Myth with the drunk babysitter putting a baby in the microwave...

EDIT: Come to think of it, Aphex doesn't say, at any point, that this is true, so why did everyone jump to that conclusion, or assume he was lying?

ah, now wer´re back to dead baby jokes.

salm wrote:

3rd Impact wrote:This is almost as bad as the Urban Myth with the drunk babysitter putting a baby in the microwave...

EDIT: Come to think of it, Aphex doesn't say, at any point, that this is true, so why did everyone jump to that conclusion, or assume he was lying?

ah, now wer´re back to dead baby jokes.

Ummmm ok.

Even if it isn't true, it's still so messed up it's funny. The way it was phrased made it even funnier.

It didn't happen to me. It was posted on a neighbor lj buddies friend. I just found it to be amusing and unfortunate.


...Im sure she couldn't tell the pain of her sphinter ripping from the pain of the wang in the ass.

.. and i have no idea how a flacid penis stopped a ripped ass leak.

aphexmonster wrote:
...Im sure she couldn't tell the pain of her sphinter ripping from the pain of the wang in the ass.

Wait - the pain of being fucked in the arse in comparable to ripping a muscle?!?!?!?

salm wrote: ah, now wer´re back to dead baby jokes.

That again, eh?