StarDestroyer.Net BBS

A few songs that I thought people here would appreciate....they are all by Voltaire on the album "Banned on Vulcan", read on and you'll see why...



The USS Make Shit Up

I was stranded on a planet
Just me and Spock
we met a nasty nazi alien who locked our asses up
We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed
We made a laser phaser gun and shot him in the head

bust a move

I was standing on a bridge when Sulu came to me
his eyes were full of tears he said "captain cant you see
the ship is gonna blow do something i beseige"
I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum and stopped the warful breach

I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
thats the way we do things live
we make shit up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans pose no threat to us
cuz if we find we're in a bind we just make some shit up

Although hes just a child and something of a twit
Wesley is the master when it comes to making up some shit
he's the guy you want with you wen you go out in space
if only he could beam those pimples off his face

and if you're at a party on the starship enterprise
and the karaoke player just plain old up and dies
set up an adrenal field inside a can of peas
hold on to jordis visor and sing into data's knees

I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
thats the way we do things live
we make shit up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans pose no threat to us
cuz if we find we're in a bind we just make some shit up

Sisko's on a mission to go no bloody place
he loiters on the space station above bajoran space
the wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far
we'll keep the booze but please send back the fucking Jem-hadar

What is with the klingons, remember in the day
they looked like puerto ricans and they dressed in gold lame
now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead
with leather pants and frizzy hair and lobsters on their heads

I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
thats the way we do things live
we make shit up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans pose no threat to us
cuz if we find we're in a bind we just make some shit up

I was stuck on Voyager and pounding on the door
when suddently it dawned on me i've seen this show before
perhaps i'm in a warp bubble and slightly out of phase
It was way back in the sixties when they called it Lost in Space

we were looking for a way to make the ratings soar
so we orchestrate and encounter with the Borg
normally you'd think that would get us into shit
This one has a smashing ass and a lovely set of tits

I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
thats the way we do things live
we make shit up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans pose no threat to us
cuz if we find we're in a bind we're totally screwed but nevermind
we'll pull something out of our behind
We'll just make some shit up


The Sexy Data Tango

If while you're out in space, love
You're horney as a tart
Take a tip from a security cheif, love
And that's Tasha Yar She discovered the pleasures of Data
He became her sexual pet

Cause

He's fully functional and anatomically correct
He's fully functional and anatomically correct

his defiant with his thrusters will explode in your wormhole
and he'll rub his trusty spangler wrench on your warpcore manifold
his multipahsic torpedo will penetrate your rift
and cause a quantum singularity in your transworp conduit

So if you're a filthy horta datas your bestest bet
He's fully functional and anatomically correct
He's fully functional and anatomically correct

He gently massages your gel packs
while he replicates some lube
then he shoves his throbbing razor beast into your jeffery's tube
so lower your shields spread your necells to make room for his craft
as he thrusts his delta flyer to your big fat juicy aft

So if you're a filthy horta datas your bestest bet
He's fully functional and anatomically correct
He's fully functional and anatomically correct

His pelvis a tireless engine he skhakes it when he struts
He's full of dilithium crystals in his bulbs and in his nuts
He too likes to be pleasured
He will put you on your knees
And if you're into disgrace
He'll cover your face with his andriod anti-freeze

so if you're a filthy horta datas your bestest bet
He's fully functional and anatomically correct
He's fully functional and anatomically correct



Screw The Okampa (I want to go home)

We were in the Badlands one day
Chasing B'Elanna and Chakotay
We were whisked into the Delta Quadrant
Fuck, thats far away

I wanna go home
Please let me go home
I say screw the Ocampa
I wanna go home

The Caretaker had an array
That could get us home safe
But Janeway that ignorant slut
She blew it away I wanna go home
Please let me go home
Drop me off at a wormhole
I wanna go home So now I'm stuck here for years
In the Delta Quadrant I fear
With the Kazon and Hirogen
And a brother with pointy ears

I wanna go home
Please let me go home
Talaxian chicks are ugly
I wanna go home

So hoist up the aft nacelles
See how the warp core burns
Tell Janeway to go to Hell
I wanna go home

I wanna go home
Please let me go home
I say fuck the Ocampa
I wanna go home

LOL! Pure Genius.

=/

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