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Would you people do this to gain acceptance?

I've actually had one unsuccessful relationship which broke up in less than a week when she complained that I was too boring, not cheerful enough, needed to act more dorky. A few people I've talked to seemed to agree.

On one hand, you're conforming, and honestly, being happy and all cheery doesn't come naturally for me. It's not a matter of whether I'm shy, but whether I'm willing to do this.
Anybody wanna give their opinion or advice on this?

Edit: Damn typo.

Well, I can tell you that I am more of a liberal Democrat, but I keep my mouth closed about it during my poker night. Everyone in that group of friends is right wing conservative, so I guess that is more like adapting to a situation. But listening to their right wing pro Bush bullshit gets annoying.

Exonerate wrote:Would you people do this to gain acceptance?

I've actually had one unsuccessful relationship which broke up in less than a week when she complained that I was too boring, not cheerful enough, needed to act more dorky. A few people I've talked to seemed to agree.

On one hand, you're conforming, and honestly, being happy and all cheery doesn't come naturally for me. It's not a matter of whether I'm why, but whether I'm willing to do this.
Anybody wanna give their opinion or advice on this?

Don't sell out. Be who you are. If you don't feel comfortable with the idea of being a tool, chances are you're not going to like it when you try it out in reality.

There are two answers to this question:

1) You should not masquerade to please someone.

2) You are not perfect (nobody is), and there are certain kinds of changes which you can and should make to yourself as you go through life. Many of these changes will be precipitated by encounters with other people. It is not a surrender or sell-out to change things about yourself, as opposed to pretending to be something you're not.

I have changed considerably since I first met my wife. These changes are not a masquerade.

ive done it before .....


im all messed now... so im just me

Ex, you're 14, right?
Well, you're going to change about once evry three months for the next 5 years. Your adult perosnality is not defined yet.

But for Gods' sake, change to please yourself, not some bint!

(sorry if I sound patronising, I don't mean to be)

Exonerate wrote:Would you people do this to gain acceptance?

I've actually had one unsuccessful relationship which broke up in less than a week when she complained that I was too boring, not cheerful enough, needed to act more dorky. A few people I've talked to seemed to agree.

On one hand, you're conforming, and honestly, being happy and all cheery doesn't come naturally for me. It's not a matter of whether I'm why, but whether I'm willing to do this.
Anybody wanna give their opinion or advice on this?

I'm guessing you're a teenager, and so you're going to change personality-wise as you get older. Don't change simply to conform, be yourself and if others don't like it, then that's their problem.

That said, you really need to find things to be happy about, being perpetually unhappy is not good for you. I'm not saying fake happiness, but at least try to find things that make you happy.

As to the girl, forget her. If she really liked you she'd have tried to subtly change you and make you more sociable - changing men they are interested in is a womans lifelong hobby

Basically, you'll find yourself making changes to your own behavior anyway as time goes on, don't worry about conforming just get on with being yourself, life tends to find a way to mould ti'self around you rather than vise versa.

Ask your friends what they think you need to concentrate on to be more sociable (not socially acceptable, there's a big difference) and take any pointers that appeal to you. No huge makeovers, just a little thing here and there, and if they feel wrong to you, try something else.

Other than those (admittedly general) suggestions, all I can say is don't sweat it now, there's more to life than being accepted by the shallower individuals around you.

Change should equall growth; so change for your own reasons and not someone elses whims/desires.

Exonerate wrote:Would you people do this to gain acceptance?

I've actually had one unsuccessful relationship which broke up in less than a week when she complained that I was too boring, not cheerful enough, needed to act more dorky.

You stole my life!!!
Seriously that's exactly what always happens to me and that's also the reason why my relationships usually don't last much longer than 2 months. Anyways, if you're happy your life then there's no reason to change anything.
(I've been single for a bit more than a month now and it doesn't feel too bad)

I'll change minor things that don't matter to me. But if its how I dress or somthing on that level, fuck you.

Exonerate wrote:On one hand, you're conforming, and honestly, being happy and all cheery doesn't come naturally for me. It's not a matter of whether I'm why, but whether I'm willing to do this.
Anybody wanna give their opinion or advice on this?

To quote (roughly) Michael Stipe of R.E.M. "What we portray in our videos and music is a lot more exciting than what any of us really are as human beings", and that also extends into our everyday lives to some extent. From what I've seen what we're like in school, at work, or social situations is more exciting than what we really are as people.

For instance, let's pick on my BF since i know him pretty well and I'm around him all the time. he's a great person and a wonderful guy but well...he's not exactly a bubbly joyous person all the time, in fact he can be downright depressing at times. Sure he can crack jokes and be a complete goof when the situation warrants, and he'll even break out in uncontrollable laughter over the most retarded things you can think of, but at heart he's still the quiet, kinda shy guy I first met years ago.

Change is something that just creeps up on you, you don't just decide to remake yourself overnight and go from being the quiet guy near the corners to being the party animal who's always the centre of attention, well, you could...but I think that's more acting than anything else and it's not a true change in what you are as a person. That's like Michael Stipe stepping from his normal life into the spotlight as the band's lead singer, what you see then isn't what he's like in real life.

Hmmm....I seem to have wandered a bit here, but I guess what I'm trying to say is forget about changing yourself to make others happy, and try to plan and make changes to make your life better, and to help you become what you think is a better version of yourself. Hope that makes some sense.

Pretending to be someone else may get you some pink taco, but if you want love you'll need to be yourself.

Changing yourself to please others is the stupidest thing on earth. If you want to change yourself thats one thing, but if you don't and are going to do it because you want someone else to be pleased, then you're a fucking moron.

Example 1: Some dick with an attitude problem that consistently gets people hurt decides he needs to get treatment.
Conclusion: GOOD MOVE

Example 2 (ripped from 2): Some friends tell a guy he should get a dildo, so he goes into a sex shop to buy a big black dildo, and only a big black dildo cause he likes big black ones. The store doesn't have one. So he buys a small pink dildo which he won't enjoy simply because he doesnt want to look dildo-less in front of his friends, even tho he wont enjoy it.
Conclusion: WRONG MOVE IDIOT, LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE

Basically what I mean to say is, if you dont like doing something and are only doing it to satisfy others, its time to ditch those people.

You'ge got an...interesting way with words, kojikun.

Anyway, I would change my personality to fit in, but you shouldn't, because I have double standards.

I would never change. I am who I am and if they don't like it, fuck 'em.

I'll only change if I agree that said change would make me a better person.

Thanks for the help guys...

Maybe I could have phrased it better. Not really to be socially accepted, but rather to be more outgoing and friendly. Its not really acceptance, because I don't give a damn what the majority of the population thinks of me. It's probably very hard to observe yourself as you change, but it seems as though my personality has remained static over the last 9, 10 months. I read some people saying that if I wanted to do it, to do it for myself, not somebody else. The thing is that I'm not sure if I'd enjoy being more sociable.

Honestly, there isn't much that makes me happy. Sure, there are things I enjoy, but it's pretty much it. Depressed is too harsh of a word to describe me. I've gotten over the girl, we're just friends now.

Innerbrat, I'm 15 now.

Exonerate wrote:Thanks for the help guys...

Maybe I could have phrased it better. Not really to be socially accepted, but rather to be more outgoing and friendly.

Ah, that's a struggle lots of teenagers must go through as they get older. The key for many teens seems to be developing the self-confidence to believe in your own self-worth as a person and as a friend.

When you have that self-confidence, you open up because you're not as worried about embarrassing yourself, driving people away, etc. Even if some people do decide that they don't like you, you need to develop the self-confidence not to internalize that into self-loathing or insecurity, otherwise you run the risk of becoming a popularity whore.

Its not really acceptance, because I don't give a damn what the majority of the population thinks of me. It's probably very hard to observe yourself as you change, but it seems as though my personality has remained static over the last 9, 10 months. I read some people saying that if I wanted to do it, to do it for myself, not somebody else. The thing is that I'm not sure if I'd enjoy being more sociable.

Even if you believe you won't change much from the ages of 15 to 20, you're simply wrong. Too much is happening in your body and your social life for you to go through that period of your life without significant change. Believe it or not, I was a shy, reserved kid when I was your age.

The trick is being able to evaluate what changes will still affect things five years down the road, and what changes will only affect things five days down the road. If you're gonna change something, be sure that it continues to pay dividends for a long period of time, and that it won't simply be a quick fix to a short term relationship problem.

Keep in mind that most high school relationships will dissolve the instant you graduate and move on. Only count on keeping a small handful of the relationships you have in high school afterwards, and make damn sure those people who stay in your inner circle are good people who you can count on.

Don't actively try to change yourself. It's counterproductive and ultimately a waste of time and effort. Just go with the flow, and be whatever's comfortable for you. Of course, I know that says nothing.

You are who you are and who you are makes you you.

Trying to change for acceptance only makes you seem fake and superficial.. don't. The people who accept you for who you are are the only people you want to hang out with.

The only time you should ever conform is when you're meeting your significant other's parents and for your job.

Exonerate wrote:Thanks for the help guys...

Maybe I could have phrased it better. Not really to be socially accepted, but rather to be more outgoing and friendly. Its not really acceptance, because I don't give a damn what the majority of the population thinks of me. It's probably very hard to observe yourself as you change, but it seems as though my personality has remained static over the last 9, 10 months. I read some people saying that if I wanted to do it, to do it for myself, not somebody else. The thing is that I'm not sure if I'd enjoy being more sociable.

Honestly, there isn't much that makes me happy. Sure, there are things I enjoy, but it's pretty much it. Depressed is too harsh of a word to describe me. I've gotten over the girl, we're just friends now.

Innerbrat, I'm 15 now.

well that was what the last part of my first post was geared at, and hopefully it helps in some way. As to not finding things to be happy about, well all us that remember our teenage years also remember those days. It will pass and it'll pass faster if you try to find something to like (and not just in other things but in yourself to), something you can get passionate about or even just very interested in.

Like I said before, talk to your friends, your real friends -the ones you are most comfortable around and can talk to - and sak them if there's anything that needs to be improved to make you more sociable. They will be the best source of objective opinion and of course you can pick and choose what area's to work on and by how much, going only with things your comfortable with changing and only changing them the amount you want. If that gives you good results, then you can gradually increase the changes if you want.

As has been pointed out by everyone, only do this if it's what you want (and asking the question, then clarifying it kind of hints that maybe you do want a bit of change), and pretty much everything else has been covered by Mike and the others.