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This obituary is for the older sister of one of my students (Abby). She killed herself on Friday, apparently by hanging herself.

Abby only just finished her freshman year of high school. She shouldn't have to deal with this so early in her life.

The Carroll County Times wrote:Sara E. Hohne, 23, of Eldersburg

Sara Elizabeth Hohne, 23, of Eldersburg, died suddenly Friday, June 13, 2003.

Born Jan. 2, 1980, in Baltimore, she was the daughter of Donald Joseph and Karen Lynn Kreiner Hohne of Eldersburg.

She was a 1998 graduate of Liberty High School.

Surviving, in addition to her parents, are sisters Mary Carol and Abby Hohne, both of Eldersburg; maternal grandparents Carol S. and Thomas Isabella of Baltimore and George E. and Carolyn Kreiner of Baltimore, paternal grandparents Mary and Leroy Hohne of Timonium; and many aunts, uncles and cousins.

I wish there was something I could do for the family, but what is there to be done?

I feel so empty. It's not my tragedy, but she's one of my kids. I want to take this pain away from her.

Damn... This is a hard blow... We lost some kids from our school over the four years I was there... It was difficult to those who knew them.

My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences to everyone involved.

Kyrie eleison...

That's awful.

Frank Hipper wrote:That's awful.

Yeah, that's the sentence that keeps echoing in my head whenever I think of it.

That sucks. There's some kids at my school that seem like they're gonna do that (suicide), but mostly I think (hope) it's just a grab for attention. For someone to actually hang themselves, that just sucks.

As far as doing something Zaia, I really don't know. If something like that happened to me, I wouldn't want all kinds of people trying to "help out", but 1 or 2 adults outside the family to talk to is okay. I really can't tell you what to do because I'm not the person, and I'm not you. I don't think you should ignore it, but I also don't think you should intentionally bring it up, ya know what I mean? Don't go looking to talk to her (him?) or anything, but if they bring it up, talk to them, let them express their feelings.

Eh, but whadda I know, I'm just a 14 year old kid

EDIT: After re-reading what I just said, I would like to point out that words tend not to express what I mean well enough. I mean, I said "that just sucks", that doesn't really sound, I dunno, right. I guess I can just leave you with "my heartfelt condolances".

Zaia wrote:

Frank Hipper wrote:That's awful.

Yeah, that's the sentence that keeps echoing in my head whenever I think of it.

Words are poor conveyors of emotion, and I felt double-plus inadequate when I posted that. But what can you really say in a situation like this?
And you're in such a bad spot, having this poor kid as a student and wanting to do something.
Suicide is the most selfish act in the world, all it does is spread grief.
I'm really sorry, Zaia.

My heartfelt condolences.

Death is never easily taken on anyone you know.

Frank Hipper wrote:Words are poor conveyors of emotion, and I felt double-plus inadequate when I posted that. But what can you really say in a situation like this?

Exactly. I literally feel empty inside, and the only words that come to mind are how awful it is. Of course that doesn't even begin to convey how terrible it is, but what is there to say? Or do?

And you're in such a bad spot, having this poor kid as a student and wanting to do something.

Sorry to break this up like it's a debate, but I wanted to respond piece by piece. I know that realistically there's nothing I can do for her, especially since school's ending tomorrow and I'm sure she won't be in school. That doesn't lessen my wish to relieve even just a fraction of the heartache she must be going through right now.

Suicide is the most selfish act in the world, all it does is spread grief.
I'm really sorry, Zaia.

Yes, it really is. Part of what I'm feeling now is anger that Sara could do this to Abby and the rest of her family. But I don't know Sara, and I don't know what she was going through, so I have no right to feel that way.

Ugh. Sorry to hear about that. Condolences to the family.

That sucks. Depending how close you are to that student you can send a letter or card or something.

I don't really know what else you can do that's appropriate.

My heart felt condolances to you and the family of Sara.

She was just a few weeks older than I am. That's always a hard concept to swallow when it's someone around your age.

I hope that Sara has found the peace in death that she could not find in life.

Death is never easy, especially for those left behind.

I would tell Abby that she is not alone in her grief, and let her know that you will be there for her and her family in this most difficult time. All people need to grieve in their own way and in their own time. Give her space, but let her come to you if she needs help. Let her know that your thoughts are with her and her family. Thats all anyone can do in situations like these.

My condolences to her and her family.

I've lost a lot of friends over the years, and if she feels guilty at all, let her know that it isn't her fault.

I don't know what to say.
My condolences to Sara's family and to you, Zaia.

Zaia wrote:I feel so empty. It's not my tragedy, but she's one of my kids. I want to take this pain away from her.

Sad story.

Sorry to say Z but you can't do much in that case. She has to fix her soul by herself.

I know your empathy can't let you pass by but don't sink into the deepest pockets of your soul.

You have enough "baggage" to carry, why do you want to take some more?

Say and do whatever other (normal, empathetic and sensitive) people would say or do, but please DON'T get involved too much. You wrote it: "It's not my tragedy..."

I don't want to see you down again.

I didn't put this up on the board, but a friend's mother (whom I knew, as I used to visit sometimes) took her own life a few months ago. I didn't know how to deal with it at all- as in what to say to my friend. In the end, I didn't say anything- I didn't want to bring it up at all. I suppose that's similar to what you're feeling Zaia.

"Asche zu Asche. Staub zu Staub."

Z, you can only do what your firneds can do for you - be there

And be a bloody good music teacher for the girl. If she knows you're there for her, and she needs to, she'll come to you.

*hugs*
xx

wow, Z. i don't know what to say, but i can say this. Your students are damn lucky to have a teacher who is so willing to share their pain, and be that shoulder to cry on.
<hug>

You have my sympathies. Being around something like this is never easy to cope with; and it's even harder to reconcile when we're enjoying life, perhaps, or at least have a modicum thereof.

Be there for her (the younger sister) - if her path through her grief involves coming to you, she will. That is the most important thing you can offer, to simply be willing if she seeks you out for support, even if the support itself is unguided or unknowledgable. Better that someone was there than for her to find the world a lonely place.

That's terrible, my condolences. Was there any real reason for such an event to occur?

It reminds me of a boy I knew at primary school who I never really got to know well and didn't seem to care for until a few years after when I was at college I heard he'd overdosed on pain killers. I believe it was down to his good grades at secondary school and the fact that he liked dancing, despite my not knowing much about him, it still shocked me that a 16 year old kid could do it, letalone 23 year old adults.

Reality can be a pretty scary thing for most people, at least they're in a better place now.

Dreadful news. Just dreadful. Hopefully, this tragedy can serve as a uniting force within the family, and make them stronger. My sympathies are with them.

Yeh, realistically, there's nothing you can say that'll make her feel any better, if anything, you may end up getting your head bitten off, if she is feeling angry at her sister for doing it, then she may redirect it on those who try to help her deal with her grief - I think all you can do is send a card or a letter, tell her that you're there for her if she wants to talk and hope that as a family they can pull through.