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T-SHIRTS MAKE NO SENSE, EARN NO CENTS

Did you hear the story of Abercrombie & Fitch, the clothing
company that has 311 stores in America, $1.3 billion in
annual sales, and 30 nincompoops in its design department?

Those are conservative estimates -- The company may have as
many as 3,000 nincompoops. It's hard to tell, frankly,
because no one keeps track of such statistics, not even the
U.S. Department of Mental Health.

Stock market analysts are no good either. They offer all
kinds of detailed information about each company, but never
give us the most valuable statistic: nincompoop-to-genius
ratio. It could have saved many of us from that disaster
known as Enron.

We'll never know if any of Abercrombie's designers are
geniuses, but given their recent performance, we can be
certain that many of them would have trouble voting in
Florida. Still, they must have congratulated themselves,
perhaps threw a party, after designing the company's
stylish new line of let's-offend-all-the-Asians T-shirts.

Abercrombie, which markets clothes to college students,
had previously offended several other groups and didn't want
America's growing Asian population to feel left out. So the
company produced T-shirts depicting caricatures of Asians
with slanted eyes and conical hats, expecting the garments
to be quite popular, and not just at Klan rallies.

Following protests from Asian Americans, the $25 T-shirts
were yanked off the market, leaving me to wonder what the
designers were thinking. Or drinking.

Did they really believe they could get away with such
depictions, especially in the politically correct 21st
century, when people are so easily offended? Why, just the
other day, a car salesman took offense when a customer asked
if a car was USED. "It's not a used car," he said. "It's a
pre-owned car!"

Yes, and Tom Cruise isn't divorced. He's pre-married.

And don't you dare call me dark-skinned. I'm not
dark-skinned; I'm just pre-tanned.

To confirm the T-shirts' offensiveness, perhaps we should
discuss them with an Abercrombie designer and an Asian man.
The first T-shirt shows an Asian pulling a rickshaw with the
words "Rick Shaw's Hoagies & Grinders. Order by the foot.
Good meat. Quick feet."

Designer: "This portrays Asians very positively, because it
shows they have good meat and quick feet."

Asian man: "Quick feet that are about to kick your meat!
This is offensive. Few of us pull rickshaws, few of us wear
conical hats, and few of us like hoagies."

The second T-shirt shows two Asian men at "Wong Brothers
Laundry Service" with the slogan "Two Wongs Can Make it
White."

Designer: "This is also positive, because it shows that
Asians can do some things rather well, especially laundry!"

Asian: "Quick feet! Don't forget my quick feet! If two Wongs
can make it white, how many whites can make it wong? This
T-shirt makes fun of how we speak. It is very wong. I mean,
wrong."

The third T-shirt shows an Asian man bowling with the words
"Wok-N-Bowl -- Let the Good Times Roll -- Chinese Food &
Bowling."

Designer: "This is also positive, showing how much fun you
can have at a bowling alley in Chinatown."

Asian: "This T-shirt teases us, because there is no Chinese
food at bowling alleys. I tried to order some once, but the
manager said all he could serve me was hot dogs. I was so
offended. Just because I'm Asian, he thinks I eat dogs!"

Howedar wrote:I would be interested to see a picture. All of my Asian (or, as they call themselves, yellow) friends would probably wear them.

The hell of it is, they aren't even funny.