Flat tummy

Drach · Post by **Drach** » 2003-06-28 04:03am

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing? " The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time." say's the boy. "Why is that? asked his mom, puzzled? "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up".

Trytostaydead · Post by **Trytostaydead** » 2003-06-28 04:13am

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-06-28 04:14am

Ooooooooooooooh >.< That was a good one ^^

thecreech · Post by **thecreech** » 2003-06-28 04:21am

whow... damn

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-06-28 04:26am

That's why you never cheat while your kids are there.

lux · Post by **lux** » 2003-06-28 04:59am

LOL, another good one. I love it.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-06-28 10:26am

Ouch. Good one.

lux: PANDAS!!!! *Poke*

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-06-28 11:06am

Wow...Sexylosers should do a comic about that...

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-06-28 11:27am

Now i know why its called a blowjob.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-06-28 11:36am

I was more interested in this "tummy flattening" process. I think that sounds much better than dieting, and sit-ups.

I can just picture the informercial, "...just lie back and let our experts help you boff your way to ripped abs in no time"

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-06-28 12:57pm

Damn that joke is older than i am.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-06-28 01:26pm

Montcalm wrote:Now i know why its called a blowjob.

You've never given one, have you?

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-06-28 01:37pm

innerbrat wrote:
Montcalm wrote:Now i know why its called a blowjob.
You've never given one, have you?

Hell no and i`ll never put a dick in my mouth.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-28 04:01pm

*bong*

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-06-28 04:17pm

That's evil...but not as evil as the one "Vegas Prostitute" and the "Horse" joke I heard...

Mitth · Post by **Mitth** » 2003-06-28 05:35pm

That's pretty good... I wonder what kind of people think up these things. I for one have NEVER took the time to make up a joke like this..

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-06-28 06:02pm

RogueIce wrote:That's evil...but not as evil as the one "Vegas Prostitute" and the "Horse" joke I heard...

Bring it on!

Reminds me of the grumpy vacuum cleaner and fan having an argument:
Fan: Suck it!
Vac: Blow me!

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-06-28 06:23pm

Montcalm wrote: Hell no and i`ll never put a dick in my mouth.

What about your own, assuming you could reach it?

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-06-28 06:26pm

XaLEv wrote:
Montcalm wrote: Hell no and i`ll never put a dick in my mouth.
What about your own, assuming you could reach it?

You are sick.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-06-28 06:37pm

SyntaxVorlon wrote:
RogueIce wrote:That's evil...but not as evil as the one "Vegas Prostitute" and the "Horse" joke I heard...
Bring it on!

Alright, here goes...

The Vegas Prostitute

This guy goes to Vegas, and it's his first time there. So he goes and plays some games. Amazingly, he wins $100,000 his first time. So the manager comes to him and says, "Sir, for a big winner like you, we'll give you a free room and meal. But anything else you must pay on your own."

So the man goes up to the room, and when he gets there, a tells the bellboy, "Bring me the best entertainment there is." So the bellboy winks and leaves.

Later, there is a knock at the door. The guys opens it, and there stands the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his whole life. So he lets her in and they get down to business.

"I cost $100,000, sir," she says. The man is apalled, and says so. So the hooker goes to the window, and points to an area of town. "See all that over there? I own it because of what I do." So the man, impressed, pays her, and she gives him a blowjob. It's about five minutes, nothing too special, and she leaves.

So the next morning, the man goes back to the games. This time, he wins an impressive $500,000. The manager, suitable amazed, gives the man the same deal, and the man gives the same instructions to the same bellboy, who winks and goes on his way.

A knock at the door later, and the same woman is there. This time her price is $500,000. The man is taken aback. So she goes to the window, points to a larger section of town, and states, "I own all that, because of what I do here." So, willingly, the man pays. Again, a blowjob, nothing special, and again, she leaves.

The next morning, the man goes down, and does something astonishing: he wins $1,000,000!!! So the manager offers the same deal. And so the man and the same bellboy go up, and again the bellboy recieves the same instruction, winks, and goes.

A knock. It is the same woman again. This time, as they go in, the man is upset. "For a million bucks, I better see some pussy!"

The woman responds, "If I had one of those, I'd own this whole damn town!"

I'll post the "Hung Like a Horse" one later, although I already shared it with Dalton over PM.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-06-28 07:28pm

Hahahahaha!

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-06-28 07:31pm

LMFAO that Vegas one is good RI....

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2003-06-28 07:54pm

Alright, now lets hear the horse joke.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-06-28 08:02pm

RogueIce wrote: Alright, here goes...

The Vegas Prostitute

I didn't need to read that one..

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-06-28 08:12pm

YT300000 wrote:Alright, now lets hear the horse joke.

*sigh* If I must...

Hung Like a Horse

One day, a man his riding on his horse through the woods when he comes upon a lamp on the side of the trail. Curious, he picks it up, then gets back on his horse. Suddenly, a genie appears.

"Hello, master. I shall grant thee three wishes. However, they will not take effect until tomorrow morning."

"Alright," replies the man. "For my first wish, I want my house to have piles of money...no, jewels, no, wait, I want my whole house to be made of jewels, gold, silver, platinum!"

"Very well," replies the genie. He claps his hands together and says, "It will be done."

"For my second wish, I want to be married to a beautiful woman...no, two beautiful women, no, wait, I want hundreds of beautiful women running around naked in my house!"

"Very well," replies the genie. He claps his hands together and says, "It will be done."

"And, finally, I want to be hung like this horse I'm riding!" says the man excitedly.

"Very well," replies the genie. He claps his hands together and says, "It will be done." With that, he vanishes.

So the man races home on his horse and immediately goes to sleep so he can see his wishes come true. And the next morning, when he wakes up, they seem to have done just that.

He looks around his bedroom. The walls are of gold. The doors are of silver, with the knobs made of rubies. His bed posts are made of diamonds. And not only that, there are beautiful, naked women running in and out of his silver door with the ruby knobs. The man is incredibly excited, and runs to his bathroom, drops his pants, and looks into his platinum mirror.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I WAS RIDING BETSY!!!!!!!!!"