StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Got this in the mail. I thought it was great

A man was tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Lord, everyday I go to work and put in eight long hours while my wife just stays home. So she may know what I have to go through, would you allow us to switch bodies for a day? Amen." God granted the man's wish and the next morning he awoke as a woman. He dressed, woke the kids, laid out their school clothes, helped them dress, fixed breakfast, packed their lunches, kissed his "wife" goodbye, drove the kids to school, then, on the way home, dropped off the dry cleaning, made a deposit at the bank, shopped for groceries, put away the groceries, paid the bills, and balanced the checkbook. Then he cleaned the cat's litter box, bathed the dog, made the beds, did the laundry, vacuumed, dusted, swept and mopped the floors. By then it was time to drive to school, pick up the kids at school, take them to soccer practice, and fill the car with gas. He then picked up the kids, took them home, fixed them milk and cookies, got them started on their homework, then ironed clothes until five o'clock when he peeled potatoes, washed vegetables, breaded pork chops and snapped beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded the laundry, bathed the kids and put them to bed. By the time he finished the ironing, he sat down to watch TV and immediately fell asleep. His "wife" woke him and, even though he was exhausted, took him to bed, where he was expected to make love without complaint. The next morning, he prayed again, "Oh, Lord, what was I thinking? I was wrong to envy my wife staying home all day. Please let us trade back! Amen." The Lord replied, "My son, I'm glad you've learned your lesson. I'll be happy to change things back, but you're going to have to wait nine months. Last night you got pregnant!"

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. He just screws it in. Yeah.

Why did the woman cross the street? Who gives a shit what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Sorry sorry i know the joke is really bad... i just hear that joke so damn much i had to post it.

Okay.


How does a man open a can of beer?

He doesn't, it should be open by the time she brings it to him.

How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 but the problem is getting them in first.

How many yuppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None Yuppies screw in the jacuzzi.

I might have posted this here somewhere before, but it's a good one so I'll trot it out.

Adam and Eve have sex for the very first time. When they're through, Eve wanders off and Adam reclines on some leaves, smoking a cigarette. Just then, God wanders by.

"So!" God says, "Had sex for the first time! Whadidja think!" (God shouts a lot.)

"It was good." Adam replies. "Nice work."

"Glad'ja liked it!" God shouts. Then God squints and looks around. "Where'n the hell's Eve!"

"Meh." Adam shrugs. "Went down to the river to wash up, I think."

Suddenly, God is really angry. Thunderclouds gather overhead, lightning strikes some nearby trees, and Dunkin Donuts stops offering a discount. God is pissed.

"The hell is the matter with you all of a sudden?" Adam says.

God screws up his face and bleats, "Dammit! Do you know how long it's gonna take to get that smell outta the fish?!"

Tsyroc wrote:Okay.


How does a man open a can of beer?

He doesn't, it should be open by the time she brings it to him.

OHH damn... ok i got one

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

thecreech wrote: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

Old.

Let's not get too far to one side or the other.

check out theperfectjoke.com

it makes perfect sense.

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:

thecreech wrote: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

Old.

Let's not get too far to one side or the other.

ok how about this one

If a man is talking in the woods and no woman is around to hear him is he still wrong?

How many men does it take to change a bog roll?

No one knows - it's never happened.

Should you buy her a watch on her birthday?

No, there's a clock on the stove.

What the hell's a bog roll?

HemlockGrey wrote:What the hell's a bog roll?

It's a roll of paper us brits use to clean ourselves after going to the bog...

And for those of you with no idea about British slang, a Bog is a toilet.

Even I knew that.

I thought British slang for toilet was the 'Loo' or the 'boot'(j/k).

Wow, yet another useless fact to add to my collections... Now on to the jokes!

Q: Why does a bride wear white for her wedding?
A: To match the kitchen appliances.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in the kitchen light?
A: None, let the bitch work in the dark.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: To stand closer to the sink.


I'm gonna get killed, I know I am...

Vorlon1701 wrote:Wow, yet another useless fact to add to my collections... Now on to the jokes!

Q: Why does a bride wear white for her wedding?
A: To match the kitchen appliances.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in the kitchen light?
A: None, let the bitch work in the dark.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: To stand closer to the sink.


I'm gonna get killed, I know I am...

You'll be fine... now just post some anti-man jokes and you wont incure the wrath of the women

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

one - men'll screw anything.

innerbrat wrote:

HemlockGrey wrote:What the hell's a bog roll?

It's a roll of paper us brits use to clean ourselves after going to the bog...

You Brits have some really strange slang. Of course, us Americans are not very good in the comprehensibility category ourselves...................

How many kind and considerate men does it take to change a lightbulb?
All three of them.

Just another joke.

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because
both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.

It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and
his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the
husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and
send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack.

The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)

innerbrat wrote:How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

one - men'll screw anything.

Hey. Oh wait, that's true.

Why was Moses wandering the desert for 40 years?
Because men'll never ask for directions.

What do a beer bottle and a man have in common?
They're empty form the neck up

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
half an hour of begging

How do you get a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his feet

What's the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home,