Hypothetical question regarding frienship...

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-07-02 08:47am

This is only a hypothetical question, it has no bearing, or concern, on my life, my relationship with my friends, or with you, fellow board members. I just want to know your opinion.

Suppose you suspect a close friend of yours is ill (the nature of the illness still unknow to you).
For the past weeks you have tried to ascertain if he/she is really ill, but he/she avoids the subject, giving only fleeting answers or saying he/she has been to a doctor and everything is all right.
Still, there is that nagging feeling he/she isn't telling the thruth, because small clues you have observed (behavioural patterns, eating habits, etc.) lead to that conclusion.

Now, what should you do?

Should you be agressive and ask in his/her face what's wrong? (Remmeber, you still aren't sure if he/she's lying.)

Should you let it be, it's his/her problem? (He/She is a close friend, one you care!)

Should you try and find out for yourself, do a small investigation?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-07-02 09:12am

Ask anyone if they've noticed -check with closer friends/boyf/family were applicable

then nag the firend until she gets it fixed.

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-07-02 09:21am

innerbrat wrote: then nag the firend until she gets it fixed.

But, what if said friend gets hostile and leaves town/job/school/whatever just so he/she doesn't have to hear you?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-07-02 09:32am

Warspite wrote:
innerbrat wrote: then nag the firend until she gets it fixed.
But, what if said friend gets hostile and leaves town/job/school/whatever just so he/she doesn't have to hear you?

Because she dosn't appreciae that you care for her? Some friend.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-07-02 09:35am

For me? Have them talk to my Dad, he's a very trustworthy doctor and most people'll tell him this sort of stuff. Otherwise, I'd go from an oblique angle, just lead up to it.

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-07-02 09:40am

innerbrat wrote: Because she dosn't appreciae that you care for her? Some friend.

Although he/she apreciates, he/she may have his/her reasons for not dumping his/her problems on his/her friends.

I'm only exploring all range of possible reactions, playing the Devil's advocate.

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-07-02 10:01am

I'd find out the truth, and then start asking the friend about it. If they're telling you a story that doesn't mesh well with what's actually happening, you have a clearer picture of what's going on and can decide how to handle it with a greater degree of accuracy.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-07-02 10:53am

If I've already asked the person what was wrong, and got an answer, I'd leave it at that. If it continued or got worse I'd probably re-address the issue, indicating my willingness to offer help/advice/secrecy, but I wouldn't demand or go to devious lengths to get an answer.

Trytostaydead · Post by **Trytostaydead** » 2003-07-02 11:36am

Well, since my life is full of sick people here is my advice. Usually that person will tell you.

If it's a guy it might be trickier. Guys have a tendancy to keep things in and will usually not ask for help or sympathy or some such until it gets to be pretty severe. Girls on the other hand, they might run away.. true, but often they will tell one or two close friends and usually those friends will keep other friends apraised of the situation.