StarDestroyer.Net BBS

I think it started with Give me Baldwins and Tillys and sort of blossemed from there.

So can anyone start to figure out the formula for the perfect B-movie, how to ballance out all of the aspects. Example, Bruce Cambel works awsome, just won't combine with other elements, so you have to work on seprate formulas...

Do it the Kevin Lindenmuth way - instead of first writing the movie and then start acquiring props and sets, you first see what props, costumes, sets and locations you already have access to and which people are willing to participate - then you start writing the movie. The results of this filmmaking method are often hilarious.

For example - in "Rat Phink A Boo Boo" a gorilla suddenly shows up because the filmmakers found a gorilla costume at their disposal.

And that's before we mention "Six-String Samurai"...

There MUST be a scene with a woman in the shower rubbing her breasts. That's a must.

There should also be.... A MUSIC VIDEO! And if we can afford it, a car chase. In case nobody wants to donate their cars to the car chase, we can just buy a pair of old clunkers who belong to the scrapyards.

And the actor portraying the main villain needs to overact as much as possible. I love villains who chew the scenery.

It wouldn't be too bad either if the movie started with somebody saying "Future events such as these will happen in the future!!"

You must have at least one teenaged couple in the movie, who must die in some violent, twisted manner whilst having sex.

LadyTevar wrote:You must have at least one teenaged couple in the movie, who must die in some violent, twisted manner whilst having sex.

What about the male teenager turning into a vicious-looking demon during sex, killing his female partner and destroying the building in the process?

(Okay, we'll risk a lawsuit from the makers of "Urotsekidoji". But it'll be worth it.)

Okay, what you need:

Black Backdrop with Holes.
Several spaceship sets found on a backlot
An Alien Costume or Two
Puppets and/or Cheap CGI
Slightly Modified Star Wars Models
Annoying Teenagers
Annoyingly Stupid Adults
Shower scene
A narrator with a strangely serious voice
A go-cart
Old Costumes found at the backlot of some cheap movie company
About 70 reels of stockfootage
And one flying saucer.

Script not included.

LadyTevar wrote:You must have at least one teenaged couple in the movie, who must die in some violent, twisted manner whilst having sex.

It's preferable that they die in the most unrealistic and confusing way possible. For instance, the killer could splash some hot sink water on them, causing them to die instantly.

Demiurge wrote:

LadyTevar wrote:You must have at least one teenaged couple in the movie, who must die in some violent, twisted manner whilst having sex.

It's preferable that they die in the most unrealistic and confusing way possible. For instance, the killer could splash some hot sink water on them, causing them to die instantly.

Or break the mirror that's conveniently hanging over the bed they're making out on.... *smirk*

That wouldn't work. THey are probably making out in a car on Make-Out Point, a conviently placed cliff that overlooks the city.

Crazy Goji wrote:That wouldn't work. THey are probably making out in a car on Make-Out Point, a conviently placed cliff that overlooks the city.

/me pushes car off cliff, half the film's budget goes with it in one big explosion

There, that's solved

Mitth-raw-nuruodo wrote:

Crazy Goji wrote:That wouldn't work. THey are probably making out in a car on Make-Out Point, a conviently placed cliff that overlooks the city.

/me pushes car off cliff, half the film's budget goes with it in one big explosion

There, that's solved

Not if they use Stock-footage.

If you're looking for actors - I'm willing to play teh bitchy blonde who dies horribly half way through.

But only, I mean ONLY, if there are hubcaps on strings! HUBCAPS ON STRINGS!

innerbrat wrote:If you're looking for actors - I'm willing to play teh bitchy blonde who dies horribly half way through.

But only, I mean ONLY, if there are hubcaps on strings! HUBCAPS ON STRINGS!

Done. You will die a gruesome death as a Hubcap on a string crashes into a model of the building you are in.

Crazy Goji wrote:

innerbrat wrote:If you're looking for actors - I'm willing to play teh bitchy blonde who dies horribly half way through.

But only, I mean ONLY, if there are hubcaps on strings! HUBCAPS ON STRINGS!

Done. You will die a gruesome death as a Hubcap on a string crashes into a model of the building you are in.

And we shall call it... HUBCAPS FROM PLANET Z!

Crazy Goji wrote:

innerbrat wrote:If you're looking for actors - I'm willing to play teh bitchy blonde who dies horribly half way through.

But only, I mean ONLY, if there are hubcaps on strings! HUBCAPS ON STRINGS!

Done. You will die a gruesome death as a Hubcap on a string crashes into a model of the building you are in.

Or... she could see the hubcaps and scream so much that she dies!

Hmm, should we nominate bruce cambell for villian?

Demiurge wrote:There MUST be a scene with a woman in the shower rubbing her breasts. That's a must.

She should rub some other parts of her body too...

She should get another woman to help bathe her

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Hmm, should we nominate bruce cambell for villian?

No, he'd be too expensive. Just let me handle the villainy business - I'm also sufficiently ugly for the task.

Well, the title should end in one of the following ways...


[insert words here]...OF DOOM

[insert words here]...FROM SPACE/PLANET [insert letter of choice here]

3rd Impact wrote:Well, the title should end in one of the following ways...


[insert words here]...OF DOOM

[insert words here]...FROM SPACE/PLANET [insert letter of choice here]

Here's a guide for finding B-Movies. Maybe we can use this guide the other way 'round... for MAKING a B-Movie.

Okay, the title should be as long as possible and contain as many of following words: Alien, blood, creature, dead, death, demon, kung fu, invasion, massacre, monster, zombie. (possibly also "brain" and "Cthulhu")

(Preferrably: Invasion Of The Alien Blood Creatures And The Massacre of Kung Fu And Death - Also Starring Cthulhu!)

The plot should contain robots, monsters (some of them created by radiation, others not) and undead - and it should preferably be as confusing as possible.

The actors should not have any other filmmaking experience.

We can't get Ed Wood to direct, so we'll just hire his 1990s equivalent - Kevin Lindenmuth.

It will be shot in Italy.

And as for the marketing:

The cover for the video cassette/DVD should be a goofy-looking hologram which appears to be made by somebody's nephew.

The back of the casette should contain a drawing, but no scenes from the movie.

The tagline should contain more adjectives than nouns or verbs, preferably from a Lovecraftian vocabulary - and compare it to another movie.


How's that for a movie?

Dont forget the creepy old guy that everybody in the movie thinks is the killer but really isn't and just turns out to help the kids at the end but only after getting killed in the process actually revealing that he was a good guy....... ::pants .... catches breath::

What was the name of the production company that produced the "PuppetMaster" movies? New Moon? Blood Moon?

Anyway, we can get them to release it for us.

That would be "Full Moon Entertainment" my friend Tim does extra limbs for them.