You might be a ricer

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-08-13 11:56pm

Inspired by something that happens all too often.

If your car has a Type-R sticker, racing sticker, Vtec sticker or Asian lettering that you don't know the meaning of...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If your turn signals are anything other than the requisite orange...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If you have a rear spoiler at least one foot high that doesn't match the model of your car...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If your hubcaps are almost as large as your tire...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If your suspension is so low that the shell of your car is an inch off the ground...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If you drive at night with six front lights on fullbright...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If your car is dotted with pointless blue and green lights, such as the blue dots on your windshield washer jets or the neon green floodlight underneath...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If your car has a monster sound system that pumps out gangsta-rap PHAT BEATZ that can be heard in a house in the bathroom from two blocks away...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If you have a Honda Civic with an engine that sounds like a lawnmower and an oversized turbo exhaust...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If you think nothing of doing 90 on a residential road, tailgating, cutting people off or weaving between lanes like the dumbass dickless wonder that you are...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

If you look like these jackasses...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-08-13 11:59pm

LOL

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-08-14 12:03am

Dalton wrote:If you think nothing of doing 90 on a residential road, tailgating, cutting people off or weaving between lanes like the dumbass dickless wonder that you are...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

Somehow I doubt those shitmobiles can even do 90. 90km/h maybe, but 90mph, yeah, right.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-08-14 12:06am

aerius wrote:
Dalton wrote:If you think nothing of doing 90 on a residential road, tailgating, cutting people off or weaving between lanes like the dumbass dickless wonder that you are...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.
Somehow I doubt those shitmobiles can even do 90. 90km/h maybe, but 90mph, yeah, right.

There's a street behind my house that would give that statement a run for it's money.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-08-14 12:13am

If your spoiler is sufficiently large that it slows your car down with its combination of wind resistance and weight, while failing to lower your center of gravity in any measurable way, you might be a ricer.

JodoForce · Post by **JodoForce** » 2003-08-14 12:35am

Come on, most everything except trucks and scooters can do 90!

I didn't know spoilers are supposed to lower your centre of gravity. Downforce, yes. In any case, spoilers are at least level with your CG if not higher?

KingGlamis · Post by **KingGlamis** » 2003-08-14 12:38am

I saw a mostly stock Honda Accord today... Coffee can exhaust and an automatic trans. With the auto trans it sounded like the world's longest fart as the thing switched gears. I would say that he was not even a ricer, just a wanna be ricer.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-08-14 12:40am

If you drag out of red lights, only to have your modded, spoiler-using, turbo-charging, fuel-guzzling hotrod soundly thrashed beyond all recignition by a redhead in a stock Dodge Neon, YOU MIGHT BE A RICER!

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-08-14 12:46am

Dalton wrote:If you drive at night with six front lights on fullbright...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

You are also a Goddamned Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch Whore that has almost KILLED me on at LEAST three seperate occassions...

Dalton wrote:If your car is dotted with pointless blue and green lights, such as the blue dots on your windshield washer jets or the neon green floodlight underneath...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

You are also a prime target to get pulled over (at least by my local cops).

Dalton wrote:If your car has a monster sound system that pumps out gangsta-rap PHAT BEATZ that can be heard in a house in the bathroom from two blocks away...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

You are also the reason I wish I would get around to getting that AR-15, which would be in my front passenger seat at ALL red light intersections.

Dalton wrote:If you think nothing of doing 90 on a residential road, tailgating, cutting people off or weaving between lanes like the dumbass dickless wonder that you are...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.

You are also an extreme menace to society that has me wanting to join the local county sherriff's department just so I can bust your stupid punk ass. All across the county. And that INCLUDES part of the bridges.

Never heard the term Ricers though...where'd it come from?

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-08-14 01:37am

RogueIce wrote:Never heard the term Ricers though...where'd it come from?

Originally it was meant as a derogatory term referring to foreign built-cars back during the WW2 era (or somewhere around then). It was used as propaganda to get people to buy more domestic vehicles. Now its evolved to pretty much refer to cars modded in such a way that they look ass-ugly with nothing but external modifications, and stock shit under the hood.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2003-08-14 01:45am

aerius wrote:
Dalton wrote:If you think nothing of doing 90 on a residential road, tailgating, cutting people off or weaving between lanes like the dumbass dickless wonder that you are...YOU MIGHT BE A RICER.
Somehow I doubt those shitmobiles can even do 90. 90km/h maybe, but 90mph, yeah, right.

I can tell you based on my own that they can indeed to 90, hell i've done 105 already and still had plenty of power left (read: 1/3 throttle and accellerating up the hill like a bat out of hell).

And it's a stock engine, tranny, and exhaust. Most of a vehicle's performance is in the driver.

Moonshadow · Post by **Moonshadow** » 2003-08-14 02:23am

heh I've had a 2 1/4 Ton 11 year old Dodge Dynasty with a stock 190hp 3.3 liter V6 do 110 mph on old sparkplugs and 87 octane.The scary thing was i didn't have the gas pedal down all the way. Who knows what it will do with the Cold Air Intake i put in.

note to Dynasty owners: While the Engine and tranny can handle it, the suspension can't. These cars are quite scary at that speed.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2003-08-14 03:11am

A 2001 Honda Civic LX, stock, handles like a dream at 90+. I would actually cruise at that speed on a decent highway, it has that good of control and responce.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-14 09:24am

Hehe, my brother has actually written "Wannabe RS" on his Ford Escort, which features some Brazilian racing hubcaps and a totally redundant sports exhaust. (he's also lowered the suspension, but since he's an engineering student at the Danish Technical University he didn't screw up the lowering)

I tried to get him to write "Wannabe RS-Cosworth", but he wouldn't go THAT far....

These ricers make you think: "If I'm going to soup up a car, the first thing I'll modifyshould be the engine..."

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-08-14 09:31am

I've seen these high-school grads with their Honda Civics and Mazda Protege cars with giant spoilers, bizarre neon tubes and tinted windows.

Despite being the silliest things on earth, they drive them as if they're the kings of the road...a reality that my father didn't fail to strip away from them as he once ripped past a convoy of them in his giant grandpa-sized V*-powered sedan with the Canadian Brass or London Philharmonic roaring *his* music over their bizarre nuclear-bass-notes crap.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-08-14 09:44am

Good list.

Yeah I've seen around, still cracks me up when they pull up next to Ferrari(there are a couple that regularly drive to Tyson's) and think they can outrace him.

Hell it's usually the same Black Ferrari as well...I don't think he even gets out of 2nd before he smokes them.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-14 09:59am

Ghost Rider wrote:Yeah I've seen around, still cracks me up when they pull up next to Ferrari(there are a couple that regularly drive to Tyson's) and think they can outrace him.

That's just suicide... figuratively speaking.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-08-14 10:02am

JodoForce wrote:I didn't know spoilers are supposed to lower your centre of gravity. Downforce, yes. In any case, spoilers are at least level with your CG if not higher?

A lower center of gravity is preferable since the car will be more stable around turns. The down-force helps keep the car planted.

I've also noticed that the first thing most ricer modders do to their cars is install a fart can exhaust, so that the car sounds faster than it is. They fail to realize that they could accomplish the same thing by punching a hole in their mufflers.

Ghost Rider wrote:Hell it's usually the same Black Ferrari as well...I don't think he even gets out of 2nd before he smokes them.

I remember when my dad passed around this video clip of some guys in their 13-second (at least that's what they claimed it was) Eclipse driving down the highway with a camcorder. At the light, a C5 Corvette pulls up next to them. They challenge him to a race. When they go, it really seemed like the Vette's driver wasn't even bothering to go full-throttle for the first few seconds. Then he kicked into 3rd gear and dusted them. It was very, very amusing.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-08-14 10:05am

Personally, I'd rather just skip the whole modding proceedure and buy an old cop Crown Vic...

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-14 11:26am

Durandal wrote:I remember when my dad passed around this video clip of some guys in their 13-second (at least that's what they claimed it was) Eclipse driving down the highway with a camcorder.

13-second??

That's not anything special - a 2000 VW Passat does 0-100 km/h (or 0-60 mph, in case you don't use The Metric System) in 12 seconds or less.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-14 11:55am

hahha stupid ricers

makes me wish I drove a shitbox that I paid 400 bucks for...

cut me off in your ricer?

HAHAHHA, watch as I don't take evasive action!

*CRAAAASH*

I ennd up with a dented fender, and your shitbox is
totalled, MAHHAHAHA

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-08-14 12:00pm

My grandpa was the original owner of a 1970 Chevy Nova. He finally sold it in 1999. That thing was a tank. He could've mounted a machine gun on that thing and fought in World War III.

Dark Hellion · Post by **Dark Hellion** » 2003-08-14 12:02pm

Hell shep, with the way this fuckholes drive, blaim it on them and then claim you got whiplash. Milk it for all its worth.
Where I come from we got a whole shitload of ricers. Its very fun to realize that they have spent a huge fucking wad of cash on their car, and then I just take my moms Grand Prix GT and waste them. Guy thought he was funny tailgating me, so I just held down the accelerator. All that sports exhaust does jack shit when I am going 150 by the time your doing 60.

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-08-14 12:10pm

Sometimes I swear that Southern California is the rice capital of the world. Probably is.

So anyway, my dad has a 1979 Oldsmobile Starfire (you know, the Olds version of the Chevy Monza) that has Chevy's 3.8L V6 in it rather than a dinky 4-banger. Now without any other modifications, that thing jumps from stoplights, and won't hesitate to burn rubber if that's what you want.

So there've been plenty of times that we've had some ricer pull up alongside us, and we've smoked them completely...

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-14 02:16pm

Crayz9000 wrote:So anyway, my dad has a 1979 Oldsmobile Starfire (you know, the Olds version of the Chevy Monza) that has Chevy's 3.8L V6 in it rather than a dinky 4-banger.

One of these?

(OK, that's a '75 Starfire. But I don't suppose it changed that much)

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