You might be a Yankee...

[Kelly Antilles]

Why go out with a fizzle when you can leave with a bang.


You might be a Yankee if:

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
5. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips
6. You have no idea what a polecat is.
7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
8. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
10. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
11. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
12. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
14. You call binoculars opera glasses.
15. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
17. You don't know what applique is.
18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
19. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

[Peregrin Toker]

A joke thread about New Englanders and not a single H.P. Lovecraft reference?? What the heck??

[Dark Hellion]

21. You mate with fish people on a sunday (big no no in the bible belt)

All for you Simon, all for you.

[StarshipTitanic]

1) No.
2) No.
3) "Woostersheer" is far easier to say than attempting to pronounce "worcestershire." There are also a few "Woosters" around here (Massachusetts).
4) No.
5) I have.
6) Two words: "Beverly Hillbillies"
7) Um...yes, I do.
8 There's a New England Six Flags, you know.
9) Hahahaha, but no as there has only been two generations born here so far.
10) Words > Fake Words And I don't say "ain't."
11) I think he just mumbles with a deep voice, but I haven't really heard much of him.
12) LOL! I've seen a lot of people on the Cen'trl Ahrteri in Bahstin like that.
13) Nearly everyone I know has been to Disney World at least once or has visited a relative a Carolina somewhere.
14) No.
15) We don't have the need to spit out our cars...
16) And why would I want to?
17) Well you got me there.
18 ) My mom loves those things, and she could probably make them.
19) Have you SEEN our subways?
20) I think I know what you're talking about, but I've never seen it.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

BWHAHAHHAHAHA! Some true, most lies, all funny! And since StarshipTitanic posted...BIG BADA BOOM:

1.) Lies!
2.) Lies Part Deux!
3.) WTF is Whahoobidacallit sauce?
4.) Who the hell does that? I take offence ma'am I do!
5.) True dat homes.
6.) Polecat...I got nothin'
7.) Only if you're an old senile grandma who lives in Ohio.
8.) You must be kidding!
9.) Connecticut hardly exists.
10.) What's amatter wit chu guys? You gots problems wit da way I talk?
11.) Howard Stern reminds me of Conneticut.
12.) The last time I smiled is when Conan came on. Because Conan is teh funy.
13.) Every Yank has been to Florida. You know that. And Macon, Georgia, the coolest fucking city on Earth.
14.) Who the hell goes to the opera?
15.) ...
16.) Applique sounds like a type of fabric...
17.) Well there ya go.
18.) Only if you're an old senile gradma that lives in Indiana.
19.) I'd be freaked out if Madison Heights had a subway at all.
20.) Everyone I know has a washing machine...

[HemlockGrey]

'Woosterheer'? What the hell kinda hippie are you? It's spelled 'worcestershire', pronounced 'wist-er-sheer'

[Montcalm]

Why go out with a fizzle when you can leave with a bang.


You might be a Yankee if:

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." (no)
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! (no)
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" (true)correctly.
4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. (true)
5. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips (no)
6. You have no idea what a polecat is. ( )
7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. ( )
8. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. (Six Flags rocks)
9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. (no)
10. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. (true)
11. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
12. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway. (no)
13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus. (never been there)
14. You call binoculars opera glasses.(no)
15. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.(only wear T-Shirts)
17. You don't know what applique is. (no)
18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.(i`m not a girly man)
19. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. (no)
20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.(i do my laundry at home)

[Companion Cube]

pronounced 'wist-er-sheer'

He's mutilating my language! Someone call the police!

[Demiurge]

Did Foxworthy make a comeback or something? I haven't heard these kind of jokes in years.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

2. Not really, but they do have gross-looking green ketchup.
3. Worchester-what?
5. True. In fact, up here, biology textbooks show a bucket of chicken wings and say that it's "Chickens in their natural habitat"!
6. A cat on a pole?
9. No, but I do envy the families that did do so.
11. Isn't Howard Stern that dead violinist? Oh, wait, that's Issac Stern. Howard Stern played Marv in the Home alone movies. Oh, wait, that was Daniel Stern...
13. I'd like to go south, though... on some hot chick...
15. When you spit out of a car facing forward, the spitball hits you in the face.
20. I would have a washing machine, but I don't have a front porch to put it on.

Of course, I'm not technically from New England, as I live in PA.

[InnerBrat]

1. No
2. Fuck No.
3. Wuh-ster-sher sauce (Lee and Perrins) or Wuh-ster sauce (Cross and Blackwell (for us veggies)
4. Of course not.
5. hell no
6. See above
7. Ew!
8. What? and What?
9. Well no.
10. Yep. Absolutely
11. Who? He probably does.
12. Can't remember
13. Dallas
14. No. Binoculars are binoculars. Opera glasses are opera glasses
15. Anyone who spits out the car window gets a slap.
16. Well, I am a girl.
17. See above.
18. I do have taste, however.
19. Of course I do. The last person to talk to me on the tube gave me a peom he had written for me.
20. For the rent I pay, he can bloody well provide a washing machine.

[Straha]

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

I damn well will get freaked out on the subway, it's groddy, dirty, scarry, and the last guy who talked to me on the subway was rapping about how he was a "B, L, Double O D, that's right!"

[SirNitram]

If you think only people in the North are called Yankees, you, my friend, might well be a Yankee!

[Peregrin Toker]

21. You mate with fish people on a sunday (big no no in the bible belt)

All for you Simon, all for you.

Thank you very much.

[RogueIce]

9.) Connecticut hardly exists.

I'd argue with that, seeing as how my grandmother lives there...but you're right.

13.) Every Yank has been to Florida. You know that. And Macon, Georgia, the coolest fucking city on Earth.

Yes, I know. You've all been to Florida. Please, stop. You create far too many problems. From now on, we only accept visitors from the West of the Mississippi, and no further north than North Carolina (if East of the Miss), maybe Virginians on good behavior. All others will be shot, but not before being taught how to pronounce the letter "R" and any who say "wicked" as an adjective not referring to something evil (wicked cool, wicked hot, etc.) will be tortured with electricity.

[RedImperator]

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

It's not?

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

No self-respecting son of an Italian family thinks ketchup is spicy.

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

I can pronounce it, but I don't like to eat it. Bleargh.

4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

How are you supposed to keep the grease off your hands?

5. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips

This isn't completely true. It's been a long time since I've seen a cow in New Jersey, true, but I have seen live chickens on my aunt's farm.

6. You have no idea what a polecat is.

Is that like a racoon or something?

7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

I see problems with owning a poodle, let along putting a sweater on it. If you need a small, useless pet, get a cat.

8. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

I couldn't afford Martha's Vinyard if I shit gold bricks. Cedar Point and Dorney Park are better than Six Flags, though.

9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

Connecticut is a wannabe New Jersey.

10. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

The correct pronounciation is "Yous guys".

11. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.

Is self-obscessed, tired, unfunny hack an accent?

12. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

Not true. This morning I smiled when I killed a mosquito.

13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

Family has a farm in North Carolina, and I've been to Charleston. Of course, my favorite part of the Ft. Sumpter tour is when the Yankees take it back.

14. You call binoculars opera glasses.

No, I don't.

15. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

I don't spit out of car windows.

16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

What the hell is applique?

17. You don't know what applique is.

See above.

18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

My grandmother has them. I sure as hell don't. I figure I'll learn to make them when hell freezes over.

19. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

You're Goddamn right I do. People who talk to you on the subway are either crazy or distracting you so their partner can rob you.

20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

My washer came from Sears.

[Andrew J.]

1. It's a verb and a noun
2. No.
3. No.
4. I have not, as a matter of fact.
5. Can't recall off hand.
6. A skunk. (Thank you, Garfield cartoons!)
7. I see something wrong with poodles, period.
8. I work at Six Flags. I'd rather vacation in Afghanistan.
9. No. My father graduated from Stonybrook University, though.
10. Maybe a couple of times.
11. Don't listen to him much, but IIRC has a New England accent.
12. Can't drive yet, but I do derive pleasure mainly via schadenfraude.
13. Nope, used to live in Florida.
14. Only if they're really small and attached to a metal stick.
15. The hell?
16. I don't think I would.
17. Guilty.
18. My mom has some, but I can't make them.
19. People on the subway don't talk to me.
20. Nope, got our own machines.

[LadyTevar]

4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

How are you supposed to keep the grease off your hands?

Okay, I have to comment. I just can't sit here and giggle in private anymore.

How do you keep the grease off your hands? You don't. That's what the Bounty Paper towels laying beside the plate are for, so you can wipe your hands. Why Bounty? Because they don't fall apart or stick to your fingers like paper napkins.

6. You have no idea what a polecat is.

Is that like a racoon or something?

It's a skunk. Polecat=skunk-kitty=stripey-kat=stink-kitty.

[quote

9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

Connecticut is a wannabe New Jersey.[/quote]

Nitram growled at you. He grew up in Connecticutt.

13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

Family has a farm in North Carolina, and I've been to Charleston. Of course, my favorite part of the Ft. Sumpter tour is when the Yankees take it back.

There's more than one CHARLESTON down South, ya know.

16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

What the hell is applique?

17. You don't know what applique is.

See above.

Applique is taking a small fabric design and embroidering around the edges, thereby attaching it to a piece of clothing. Sometimes stuffing is placed under the design to make it stand out or poufy.

18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

My grandmother has them. I sure as hell don't. I figure I'll learn to make them when hell freezes over.

Okay... I can't make them either. I just inherited them from my granmas and great-aunts.

20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

My washer came from Sears.

Yeah.. Whirlpool washers, dryers, 'fridges, dishwasher... and Sears would service at home too! I dont' think there was a trailer or house in town that didn't have a Sears appliance in it. Hell, up unto about the late 1980's, there was even a Sears catalogue store just outside of town! You'd go in, place your order from the catalogue, and in 4-8 weeks, they'd have it in and you could pick it up right from the store.

*sigh*

[Slartibartfast]

Why go out with a fizzle when you can leave with a bang.

*snip*

Good points... what you're saying is that mostly Yankees are like regular people?

[Slartibartfast]

7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

I see problems with owning a poodle, let along putting a sweater on it. If you need a small, useless pet, get a cat.

Mind if I use that for my sig?

[StarshipTitanic]

'Woosterheer'? What the hell kinda hippie are you? It's spelled 'worcestershire', pronounced 'wist-er-sheer'

[Gandalf]

At this point I would once again like to plug the wonders of living in Her Majesty's Commonwealth. If the US becomes another colony again, think of the possibilities.

[The Dark]

I gotta respond to thse, as a Philadelphian whose been in Florida most of my life.

You might be a Yankee if:

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

Nah. It's an Amerindian word, but I don't remember the meaning.

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

*Snort* Try a habanero. THAT'S spicy.

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

Ummm...I'm not even sure what that is

4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

*gasp* sacrilege!

5. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips

The live chickens around here live in the Popeye's parking lot, and my friend homesteads with five head of cattle (four now, one was just butchered).

6. You have no idea what a polecat is.

Just don't call me a mangy one and we'll get alone just fine .

7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

In the immortal words of Jay Leno, "Don't dress your pets!"

8. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

Well...I've been to Six Flags. I haven't been to the Vineyard. I'd rather vacation there once just to see it.

9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

Got access to the Bush Private Family History, hm?

10. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

Nah, nah, it's "youse guys," not "you guys." Although there's argument about the difference between "y'all" and "all y'all" around here.

11. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.

Mever listened to him.

12. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

I don't drive, but the frickin' drivers around here are bloody sodding morons.

13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

Well, there is a Neiman Marcus in Orlando (I think) at the new mall, but I've been to Miami, so I've been further south.

14. You call binoculars opera glasses.

No, they're the damn things that scratch the lenses on my prescription glasses.

15. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

I try not to spit unless it's absolutely necessary, but I see no need to stop.

16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

Well, I only wear pink if someone tosses reds in with my whites.

17. You don't know what applique is.

I don't.

18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

I used to have a couple doilies, because my English teacher (12th grade) had a bi-weekly tea for us to discuss the novels we were reading. Had to have the full layout.

19. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

There are no subways down here...they'd be underwater. But I talk back to people on the bus.

20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

At home, I have a washer. In the dorm, it's $2.75 a load including dryer.

[RedImperator]

7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

I see problems with owning a poodle, let along putting a sweater on it. If you need a small, useless pet, get a cat.

Mind if I use that for my sig?

Sure. I'm nothing but an attention whore at heart. You can put quotes from me in your sig anytime.

[fgalkin]

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

Yes, because I find that the barbecue itself is quite inferior to the Russian shashliki

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

No

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

There is no way in hell I can pronounce that.

4. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

I hate getting my hands greasy, so yes

5. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips

Unfortunately, yes.

6. You have no idea what a polecat is.

You're right. I dont.

7. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

I see a lot of things wrong with owning a poodle in the first place.

8. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

Of the 5 times I've been to Cape Cod, I've never bothered to go check it out.

9. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

More than two generations of my family wanted to get the fuck out of Russia

10. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

Yes, becuase I've been living in the North during all of my stay in America

11. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.

He doesn't IMO.

12. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

No.

13. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

The farthest South I've been was Florida

14. You call binoculars opera glasses.

No.

15. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

Why would you do spit our of the car window in the first place?

16. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

Yes

17. You don't know what applique is.

Please excuse my imperfect knowledge of English

18. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

What's that?

19. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

Obviously, you haven't been in a NYC subway

20. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

I don't need no stinkin quarters! I've got a special card for our building's laundromat.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin