StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Well it's that time in my love life again where I've gotten past the first hurdle to actually finding a steady girlfriend. I managed to get the girl I'm interested in to give me her phone number, suggesting that we get together and hang out over Thanksgiving break, since her home town is 15 minutes away from mine. The potential for months of flirting around the office actually developing into something serious is there (and no lectures about dating someone you work with; I know it can be a recipe for disaster, but I'm not just going to sit on my ass and let an opportunity pass me by because I'm afraid).

So, since I tend to post what's on my mind to OT, I thought that I might as well start a thread to compile a list of tips and tricks of how to act on a first date. This is, of course, mainly for guys. Let's face it, we're the ones generally being judged with more scrutiny the first time around. Of course, the wimminfolk are welcome to voice their opinions, as well.

Firstly, be sure to identify whether or not the social engagement is actually a date and not just a casual get-together. A man and woman can go out for fun without having any mutual romantic attraction whatsoever. A good rule of thumb is that it's not a date if the cost is being split. If the guy is paying, it's a date.

Now that you're set out on what you think is a date, how should you act? Well, here are some things I've learned the hard way. A lot of these are simple common sense, but that tends to go flying out the window when involved with the opposite sex. So it helps to write them down and keep them in your head so you don't do anything stupid.

• Don't appear too aggressive or opinionated. That behavior is generally reserved for when there's competition among many men for one girl, and she is basically subconsciously trying to identify who the alpha of the group is. If you're on a date, you're past that stage. My tendency to rant until my mouth is dry has burned me on a few occasions. You don't want to appear weak or reserved, but she's got to feel like she's a part of the conversation, too.
• Avoid mentioning disgusting shit, even if it's good for a laugh. There's an episode of Seinfeld that illustrates this perfectly. George is on a date with a woman, and he mentions his thoughts on the word "manure." Right after, she casually slips in the fact that she has a boyfriend (he later learned that she was lying). Was George's view an interesting perspective on the description of cow dung? Sure. Does that matter? No. Manure is feces, and feces are disgusting.
• Try to avoid the standard "dinner and a movie" for a first date. It requires entirely too much planning, and if you're going to any decent restaurant, on prompt service. It also restricts possible times to the evening. Save it for the second date, when you know you're both interested. Make the first date an activity, like bowling, mini-golf or whatever. You'll be able to do it in the afternoon if you're both on weird schedules, and awkward silences will be basically minimized, and you'll have something to talk about ("Man, I suck at bowling"). Make sure it's something you don't get overly passionate about, so that you both can just have a good time, even if you've never shot pool or bowled in your life. Doing something physical will also help keep your mind off of sex, you horny bastard. Make sure there's a place around the grab a bite to eat afterward, too.
• Carry a pack of gum or something that will freshen your breath. Toothpaste ads are full of shit. No toothpaste will keep your breath clean for the entire day. There are few things that can ruin an evening like bad breath.
• Smile. If you're enjoying yourself, let her know. If not, well then this is a little pointless anyway.
• Look at her face. Unless she's a slut, she's not going to be flattered if you stare at her cleavage all night.
• Keep a loose eye out for the "You'd better kiss me before the night's over" signals. If she appears relaxed when sitting next to you, makes physical contact with you deliberately and somewhat frequently, holds your hand or similar gestures, you're doing a good job, and unless she's ridiculously prude, you've earned some mouth-play. You don't necessarily have to save it for the end of the night, but you sure as Hell shouldn't do it in public. That's tacky.

Well that's my list. Let's hear what the pimps and ladies of the board have to contribute.

Not much...except a nice set of rules.

Instead of gum though found either breath mints or those Mint Strips do a bit better and less inconspicous(something dissolving in my mouth instead of chewing)

Though usually I use the movie bit...sometimes activities, but only if I have the slightest inkling of what she likes(no point going to play pool if she looks at the cue funny)

How about if you get a free pair of tickets to a movie and you take a girl?

Does that count as a date since you didn't split the cost? Of course, there actually isn't a cost and dividing 0/2 is still 0.

don't get shitcanned, because the second date is much less likely.

I've found that it helps not to mention the dead hooker in the bathtub.

But seriously, I think the best thing to do is be yourself. Not yourself behind closed doors (you know, farting, picking your nose, belching noisily, etc), but yourself in public. Don't try to be what you think she wants you to be, be who you are and see what she thinks.

Death from the Sea wrote:don't get shitcanned, because the second date is much less likely.

I'm afraid that I'm unfamiliar with this particular phrase. Do you mean when you've got to take one of those gigantic shits that takes 5 minutes to squeeze out?

P.S. The above is also something you should not speak of on a date.

Oh, and a big one ... wash your damn mouth out with soap beforehand. Keep the swearing in check. I think that I sounds damn funny when I swear up and down if I'm telling a joke, but Girl Who Is Spending The Evening With Me probably doesn't.

Durandal wrote:

Death from the Sea wrote:don't get shitcanned, because the second date is much less likely.

I'm afraid that I'm unfamiliar with this particular phrase. Do you mean when you've got to take one of those gigantic shits that takes 5 minutes to squeeze out?

I believe he is referring to getting drunk to the point where left and right are irrevelant.

Save the dirty jokes for the second date.

Ghost Rider wrote:

Durandal wrote:

Death from the Sea wrote:don't get shitcanned, because the second date is much less likely.

I'm afraid that I'm unfamiliar with this particular phrase. Do you mean when you've got to take one of those gigantic shits that takes 5 minutes to squeeze out?

I believe he is referring to getting drunk to the point where left and right are irrevelant.

sorry about the confusion.
Ghost Rider is right, I am talking about getting drunk. In my case so drunk that I passed out in the movie and woke up well into the credits drooling on her tits... but I still got some. But that was an extreme exception and something I would not do again.

If you're interested in a girl and ask her out, make sure she doesn't come along with her fucking boyfriend. Nothing could be more awkward and embarassing. That taught me an important lesson: don't try to sabotage someone else's relationship.

Slightly off-topic: Has anyone actually done that, or know of anyone that did, in order to score a date with some chick? Was it successful?

Lastly, and seriously, don't accept an invitation to go out with a girl who you aren't even remotely interested in. The date will be awkward and unenjoyable.

Durandal wrote:Don't appear too aggressive or opinionated. That behavior is generally reserved for when there's competition among many men for one girl, and she is basically subconsciously trying to identify who the alpha of the group is. If you're on a date, you're past that stage. My tendency to rant until my mouth is dry has burned me on a few occasions. You don't want to appear weak or reserved, but she's got to feel like she's a part of the conversation, too.

It depends on the kind of girl you're talking about. Passive girls might like a guy who's quite aggressive, while aggressive girls want a more equal relationship. Some of the very aggressive girls like their men to be passive. I know a few couples where the woman "wears the pants", so to speak.

Avoid mentioning disgusting shit, even if it's good for a laugh. There's an episode of Seinfeld that illustrates this perfectly. George is on a date with a woman, and he mentions his thoughts on the word "manure." Right after, she casually slips in the fact that she has a boyfriend (he later learned that she was lying). Was George's view an interesting perspective on the description of cow dung? Sure. Does that matter? No. Manure is feces, and feces are disgusting.

You can mention anything if it will make her laugh, but if you try it and she doesn't laugh, you just fucked yourself. Trying to be funny for your date is a very risky proposition if it doesn't come to you naturally or she isn't already in love with you (in which case she'll laugh at anything you say and bat her eyelashes at you while doing it).

Try to avoid the standard "dinner and a movie" for a first date. It requires entirely too much planning, and if you're going to any decent restaurant, on prompt service. It also restricts possible times to the evening. Save it for the second date, when you know you're both interested. Make the first date an activity, like bowling, mini-golf or whatever. You'll be able to do it in the afternoon if you're both on weird schedules, and awkward silences will be basically minimized, and you'll have something to talk about ("Man, I suck at bowling"). Make sure it's something you don't get overly passionate about, so that you both can just have a good time, even if you've never shot pool or bowled in your life. Doing something physical will also help keep your mind off of sex, you horny bastard. Make sure there's a place around the grab a bite to eat afterward, too.

Dinner isn't so bad, but dinner+movie is not such a good idea. The problem with dinner+movie is that you must finish dinner at a certain time in order to get to the movie, and you basically spend the whole movie staring at a screen and not talking to your date; it's nonconstructive. And the movie might suck.

But your idea is interesting, especially if the two of you are not that comfortable in conversation yet. The trick, however, is to find something to do which gets the two of you talking, since that's really the only way to get a relationship off the ground. If the two of you talk about bowling the whole time, you didn't really have a date.

Carry a pack of gum or something that will freshen your breath. Toothpaste ads are full of shit. No toothpaste will keep your breath clean for the entire day. There are few things that can ruin an evening like bad breath.

Bad breath can also have dietary causes.

Smile. If you're enjoying yourself, let her know. If not, well then this is a little pointless anyway.

If you're having fun, you can't help but smile

Look at her face. Unless she's a slut, she's not going to be flattered if you stare at her cleavage all night.

Anyone who would actually need to be told that is probably not going to do well anyway

Keep a loose eye out for the "You'd better kiss me before the night's over" signals. If she appears relaxed when sitting next to you, makes physical contact with you deliberately and somewhat frequently, holds your hand or similar gestures, you're doing a good job, and unless she's ridiculously prude, you've earned some mouth-play. You don't necessarily have to save it for the end of the night, but you sure as Hell shouldn't do it in public. That's tacky.

Rebecca and I were crawling all over each other in the booth (the booth-type tables give a sense of privacy) in the restaurant on our first date. I don't think it was necessarily tacky, although it might have made the waiter uncomfortable. Mind you, we were probably an unusual case.

Well that's my list. Let's hear what the pimps and ladies of the board have to contribute.

Here's a few more tips:

1. Try to find things to talk about which you have in common besides school or work. For example, a lot of people felt awkward and uncomfortable in high school. If you can somehow segue into a conversation about your emotional troubles in high school, you may discover that she has a treasure trove of stories to tell about herself. The process of mutually working through stories like this can be cathartic, and bring the two of you closer together. Remember: there is a stronger emotional connection from opening one's heart than there is from opening one's pants.
2. Don't be afraid to talk about sex, as long as you can bring it up in a light-hearted topical manner rather than making it seem as if you'l be pissed off if you don't get in her pants tonight. Talking about comedy monologues you've heard on the subject of sex or asking for her to clarify some male perceptions about how women think of sex are fairly harmless ways to broach the subject (and discover whether she's a prude) without being too aggressive.
3. This can potentially backfire with a feminist and one must be cautious, but a lot of women still appreciate old-fashioned gentlemanly touches like opening doors for her, opening her car door for her, hanging up her jacket in the restaurant for her, giving up your jacket to her if she's cold, giving her the only umbrella and letting yourself get wet when it rains, and generally treating her like royalty. If she is not offended by these kinds of gestures, they represent a non-threatening way of making it obvious how you feel about her.
4. As if this even needs to be said, make sure you look good. Make sure your hair looks good, make sure you're nattily dressed but not overdressed for the venue, etc. Of course, I'm sure Durandal has this part well in hand.
5. If you get a huge hard-on and you're pitching a visible tent in your pants, just tell her and ask her not to interpret this as meaning you're a pervert, rather than trying to awkwardly conceal it. If she is offended by the fact that you got a hard-on in her presence, she must be a prude. Might as well find out now.
6. Last but not least, the ass-grabbing maneuver must be performed only after a very careful evaluation of the situation

Of course, I'm sure there's more, but I have to go to bed.

Stofsk wrote:If you're interested in a girl and ask her out, make sure she doesn't come along with her fucking boyfriend. Nothing could be more awkward and embarassing. That taught me an important lesson: don't try to sabotage someone else's relationship.

[Nelson]Haha[/Nelson]


Sometimes I'm so thick headed that I don't realize a girl's interested in me until after I think about it. Like this time during the summer I was at some party in upstate and after a dance with this one she turned around and started talking trying to get to know me. She told me her name (which I forgot about 5 seconds later) I lied to her about my name (I lie about my name to girls I meet) and went pretty much "uh-huh, uh-huh, bye" because I wasn't real interested in talking much and more interested in going on and continuing with the dance. I didn't realize my stupidity till the next day when I thought about it and remembered how good she looked. I looked for her the next week but didn't see her.

All blondies look the same looked kind of like like the one in red except she looked better.

ArmorPierce wrote:

Stofsk wrote:If you're interested in a girl and ask her out, make sure she doesn't come along with her fucking boyfriend. Nothing could be more awkward and embarassing. That taught me an important lesson: don't try to sabotage someone else's relationship.

[Nelson]Haha[/Nelson]

Oh, bite me.

Sometimes I'm so thick headed that I don't realize a girl's interested in me until after I think about it. Like this time during the summer I was at some party in upstate and after a dance with this one she turned around and started talking trying to get to know me. She told me her name (which I forgot about 5 seconds later) I lied to her about my name (I lie about my name to girls I meet) and went pretty much "uh-huh, uh-huh, bye" because I wasn't real interested in talking much and more interested in going on and continuing with the dance. I didn't realize my stupidity till the next day when I thought about it and remembered how good she looked. I looked for her the next week but didn't see her.

I had that exact problem. The one time where I was feeling good about myself and confident a girl picked up on it, and I was so stupid that I couldn't tell she was flirting with me, until after I stepped off the train and it was speeding away - then] I realised, and kicked myself in the arse. She was hot too. This is probably going to invoke another Nelson laugh, but ah screw it.

Moral of the story: If she flirts with you, flirt back. Though this might seem a no-brainer.

Shower before you go on the date, use a deodorant (not THAT liberally, pal) and wear clean clothes.

Seems like too common sense? Just look at how many guys still forget about that.

Here's a good tip on how to act on a first date: don't act. Be yourself. If you try memorising stuff you don't normally do, you'll come off as a bit of a fraud. She may not see through your act on the first date, but she'll wise up eventually.

Girls like cute little stories with lots of details that show the guy doesn't take himself too seriously. For example, last night I told a story about how when I'm hanging out with Greg and his girlfriend who are 6'3" and 5'11'' respectively, I feel like I'm their child because I'm so much shorter and told a story about when I went to the mall with them. Girl laughed a lot.

a few more rules for a date:

-make the girl laugh
- talk about lighthearted, upbeat, more personal stuff like social nuances, movies, and cultural observations. This will get the lady to talk about herself.
- be mindful of physical grace. Girls hate guys who don't have a good posture or who spill
- touch the girl as much as you can suavely get away with it
-look like your happy and enjoying yourself the whole time
-talk about the things in life that make you happy
-prior to going out make sure your dressed well and look good and hygenic

-don't make yourself appear too available "hey, call me whenever you want. I'll always be happy to talk to you and take you out whenever you want to." BIG NO-NO
-don't try to impress her in any way (it always looks bad)
-don't expose yourself and give away too much information about your life (girls like some mystique in their guy)
-DON"T EVER TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS YOU KNOW!!!!!!!
-Don't drink more than she does
-Pay close attention to what she says
-Don't talk too much and don't talk too fast



thats all for now

Bertie Wooster wrote: -Don't drink more than she does

Say what?

BoredShirtless wrote:

Bertie Wooster wrote: -Don't drink more than she does

Say what?

girls don't like guys who they percieve as needing to drink a lot on a first date. Plus, if the girl gets herself shitfaced, wouldn't you rather be only slightly tipsy than shitfaced as well?

Don't 'twiddle', even if you're nervous. Make confident jestures. If you feel the need to do something like adjust your shirt collar or whatever, then make a clean movement on just do it. This is what I had/have to work on.

Look at her eyes, and her mouth. The correct 'mating ritual' is to look at her eyes, then look at her mouth, then back up to the eyes, and so forth. This is what I've been told, and I've gotten good response from it. At minimum, concentrating on that also helps you from accidentally staring at something else.

Bertie Wooster wrote:

BoredShirtless wrote:

Bertie Wooster wrote: -Don't drink more than she does

Say what?

girls don't like guys who they percieve as needing to drink a lot on a first date. Plus, if the girl gets herself shitfaced, wouldn't you rather be only slightly tipsy than shitfaced as well?

indeed, as I said before do not get shitcanned. While in my example above I still pulled it out, I have seen more buddies go down in flames pulling crap like that.

My personal favorite setting for first dates is a theme park like Six Flags. You are both having fun riding rides and such plus there is plenty of time to talk while waiting in lines. Other advantages are the girl will wear something comfortable(possibly a little revealing) and most likely not much makeup so you get to see how she looks dressed down. In the absence of a major theme park like Astroworld or Six Flags, I would say bowling or putt putt golf or something where an activity is required and alot of opportunity to talk is available.

I think there's a bit of a difference between "Don't drink more than she does" and "getting shitfaced".

ArmorPierce wrote: I lied to her about my name (I lie about my name to girls I meet)

why do you lie about your name ???

Bertie Wooster wrote:Girls like cute little stories with lots of details that show the guy doesn't take himself too seriously. For example, last night I told a story about how when I'm hanging out with Greg and his girlfriend who are 6'3" and 5'11'' respectively, I feel like I'm their child because I'm so much shorter and told a story about when I went to the mall with them. Girl laughed a lot.

a few more rules for a date:

-make the girl laugh
- talk about lighthearted, upbeat, more personal stuff like social nuances, movies, and cultural observations. This will get the lady to talk about herself.
- be mindful of physical grace. Girls hate guys who don't have a good posture or who spill
- touch the girl as much as you can suavely get away with it
-look like your happy and enjoying yourself the whole time
-talk about the things in life that make you happy
-prior to going out make sure your dressed well and look good and hygenic

-don't make yourself appear too available "hey, call me whenever you want. I'll always be happy to talk to you and take you out whenever you want to." BIG NO-NO
-don't try to impress her in any way (it always looks bad)
-don't expose yourself and give away too much information about your life (girls like some mystique in their guy)
-DON"T EVER TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS YOU KNOW!!!!!!!
-Don't drink more than she does
-Pay close attention to what she says
-Don't talk too much and don't talk too fast



thats all for now

Mostly good advice, but the advice to keep the conversation superficial and not expose too much personal information is flawed. Superficial conversations lead to superficial relationships, which don't last.

Durandal wrote:A good rule of thumb is that it's not a date if the cost is being split. If the guy is paying, it's a date.

Be careful with that though, some girls don't like being paid for.

I had an ex-girlfriend, who though I did pay for on the first date, told me later in our relationship that she didn't like it and would have rather paid for herself, even though she did consider that a date.

Be a gentleman, like Wong says - open doors, pull back her chair etc etc BUT: don't insist on picking up the tab.
Be willing to, and if she gets her wallet out, by all means make some feeble excuse like "but I've just been paid and I'm feeling generous", but don't let the evening degenerate into a fight over who pays.
This is especially relevant to the students dating a non-student. This may be the only time in your life where the woman earns more, so let her show it off a little if she wants to split the bill/pick it up.

As far as drinks go, with a meal, suggest you share a bottle of wine. If you know your stuff, choose it yourself, otherwise ask her what she wants. Let her taste it, unless you really are an expert.
If you do't share wine, take your cues for drinking on what she orders. If she drinks a spirit, follow suit. Dont order a pint if she's not drinking. You'll look boorish. In fact, don't drink beer at all unless you're having Indian and its a pale ale.

No presents (flowers, chocolate etc). It's only a first date.

if conversation lapses, try not to let it get awkward. A comfortable silence will probably enamour yourself to her better than tlakign bollocks to fill gaps.

Don't smoke unless she does.
Don't chew gum. that's gross, too.

That's all I can think of, right now.