Lies I tell you!

David · Post by **David** » 2003-11-29 11:37pm

Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when one excessively pratices masturbation.

say it ain't so.......

David · Post by **David** » 2003-11-29 11:39pm

oh the point is that it makes you capable of thinking clearly etc.
linky

zombie84 · Post by **zombie84** » 2003-11-29 11:45pm

whats even more disturbing is that you are reading that site...

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-11-29 11:45pm

David wrote:oh the point is that it makes you capable of thinking clearly etc.
linky

Isn't that basically what Chris Elliot's character said in Something About Mary?

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-11-30 02:16am

I'll stick with vitamin E.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-11-30 02:21am

... ok then. Question: why does this apply to masturbation and not to sex?

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2003-11-30 09:56pm

So... wanking makes serotonin. Therefore, masturbation allows you to think better.

Beaker · Post by **Beaker** » 2003-11-30 09:58pm

Personally I couldn't give a toss...

and if that upsets you...

Im all out of disposable hankies

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-11-30 11:52pm

Vympel wrote:... ok then. Question: why does this apply to masturbation and not to sex?

It's because you touch yourself at night.

But seriously, I believe the article assumes that the average person masturbates several times a day and that people who have sex don't do it very often. It's the same thing as those idiots who say that masturbation causes blindness and hairy palms.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-01 12:01am

aerius wrote:But seriously, I believe the article assumes that the average person masturbates several times a day and that people who have sex don't do it very often. It's the same thing as those idiots who say that masturbation causes blindness and hairy palms.

*checks palms* What the... Fuck, they're right!

muse · Post by **muse** » 2003-12-01 12:07am

Zaia wrote:
aerius wrote:It's the same thing as those idiots who say that masturbation causes blindness and hairy palms.
*checks palms* What the... Fuck, they're right!

Bad mental pictures, bad mental pictures, oh god I really didn't need that...

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-01 12:13am

muse wrote:Bad mental pictures, bad mental pictures, oh god I really didn't need that...

Bad mental pictures of what, me masturbating or me with hairy palms?

muse · Post by **muse** » 2003-12-01 12:17am

Zaia wrote:Bad mental pictures of what, me masturbating or me with hairy palms?

Both, I really don't want to picture the masturbation technique that has your palms in there, and the thought you with hairy palms is just wrong.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-01 12:21am

muse wrote:
Zaia wrote:Bad mental pictures of what, me masturbating or me with hairy palms?

Both, I really don't want to picture the masturbation technique that has your palms in there, and the thought you with hairy palms is just wrong.

Awww...poor cuddles, I guess I'll have to show you those female masturbation videos I have to enlighten you.

muse · Post by **muse** » 2003-12-01 12:22am

aerius wrote:Awww...poor cuddles, I guess I'll have to show you those female masturbation videos I have to enlighten you.

You'll all excuse me for a sec while I beat the crap outta him...

Beaker · Post by **Beaker** » 2003-12-01 12:26am

muse wrote:
aerius wrote:Awww...poor cuddles, I guess I'll have to show you those female masturbation videos I have to enlighten you.
You'll all excuse me for a sec while I beat the crap outta him...

Sits back and watches the fight unfold...whilst munching on his popcorn

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-01 12:26am

LOL *shakes head at muse* Hey, no one in this threadever said there was a direct correlation between masturbation and hairy palms, so it doesn't necessarily mean my entire palm would have to be up there...

And hey! aerianna! Are you going to get all confused, since you told me that I was Cuddles too?!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-12-01 12:35am

Zaia wrote:
muse wrote:Bad mental pictures, bad mental pictures, oh god I really didn't need that...
Bad mental pictures of what, me masturbating or me with hairy palms?

Oh, Zaia.... now you've made me unattracted to you... For like the next 5 minutes...

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-12-01 12:54am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Zaia wrote:
muse wrote:Bad mental pictures, bad mental pictures, oh god I really didn't need that...
Bad mental pictures of what, me masturbating or me with hairy palms?

Oh, Zaia.... now you've made me unattracted to you... For like the next 5 minutes...

I think the biggest question is who is this mysterious Hairy Palms? Some swarthy man in a lion cloth perhaps... spelling intentional, picture it, go on, just picture it... I mean, it's got all the relevant holes in all the right places...sweet dreams everyone... muahahaha

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-12-01 02:30am

muse wrote:
aerius wrote:Awww...poor cuddles, I guess I'll have to show you those female masturbation videos I have to enlighten you.
You'll all excuse me for a sec while I beat the crap outta him...

*gives Muse a Railgun and a hundred depleted-uranium slugs*

Have at him. Feel free to aim at his crotch too.

(he might be sexy, but he's straight, so I won't feel any loss should you actually hit it LOL)

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-12-01 02:35am

In other news today, SD.Net regular, Einhander Sn0m4n, was arrested today for obscene radioactive experiments on garden pests, police believe that he was training them to savage the groins of straight men everywhere. When asked for comment, police chiefs remarked that he had refused the right to silence, but had communicated entirely in lengthy and colourful acronyms which required the entire police force scrabble and crossword division to get the first few letters.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-01 09:53am

muse wrote:You'll all excuse me for a sec while I beat the crap outta him...

Help! Sexual abuse! She's molesting me again!

Zaia wrote:And hey! aerianna! Are you going to get all confused, since you told me that I was Cuddles too?!

Hmmm...that could be a problem, it's a bit hard to remember which of you is Cuddles and cuddles. I'll have to think up a new system.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-12-01 01:57pm

One is cuddles the other is verilon's secret admirer.

*Awaits flames with trusty marshmellow on a stick

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2003-12-01 02:39pm

funny thing how they don't seem to take into account that there might be possible causes -besides- masturbation. . . .or cite how many times per day constitutes excessive masturbation.

zombie84 · Post by **zombie84** » 2003-12-01 03:38pm

They have some sort of masturbation-calculator--for a 19 year old healthy male, any more than 2-3 times a week is "excessive". Thats sounds like bullshit to me, since the average 19 year old male wanks off about 4 times a week at least; twice a day would be "excessive" to me.

Personally this seems like bullshit to me. Eyesight loss, proto-baldness and hair growth all coincide with adolescance, regardless of masturbatory behavior; they also dont account that masturbation is the same as sex (as far as they should be concerned). This also goes against all sex advice i have heard over the years--having sex more than 3 times a week is not only desirable, its perfectly healthy.

Sounds like bullshit to me. Its the same old-wives tales we've heard a thousand times before.

Masturbation makes you grow hairy palms.
Masturbation makes you blind.
Masturbation makes you bald.
Masturbation makes baby jesus cry...