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Researchers Find Uber 1337 = Stupid!

Posted: 2003-12-15 11:32am
by General Zod
not where this should go, but off topic seemed a safe bet.

Linky
Ubersite.com wrote:SANCHEZ, South Dakota (AP) -- A team of researchers have found typos to be indicative of intelligence levels.

Dr Stuart Coleman, the leading researcher of a team studying Internet typos, has found that there is a conclusive link between kinds and frequency of typos, and intelligence.

The team studied over 1,000 subjects from every walk of life. The subjects were asked to perform several different tasks, from E-mail to instant messaging and even Internet message boards, and the researchers would document the typos made and how often they occurred.

"We decided to focus specifically on 'typos' that are typically used as Internet slang, instead of accident related typos," said Dr Coleman. "These including things such as 'U-R' instead of 'you are.'"

Several others studied included "your" instead of "you're," "plz" instead of "please," "im" instead of "I'm." Other mistakes studied were grammatical, such as capitalization, correct comma use, even decipher made up words.

"Sometimes people would inquire about the study, and when I explained it to them, try to write off the typos as time saving," said Dr Coleman. "But when you think about, selling you intelligence for a few microseconds it takes to type the extra ' and e to spell "you're" correctly, is it really worth it?"

He continued to say; "It really gets me when people think that just because you're online you can typo like a fucking retard. If you have the motor control of a retarded chimpanzee with Parkinson's disease you should be able to do it."

The study concluded that people with advanced college degrees made almost no typos, and would actually fix accidental ones they found. People with a standard four year degree tended to use time savers, (i.e. skipping apostrophes in you're, as well as capitalization), while people with a high school diploma or less tended to type with the grammatical accuracy of a horse bashing its hoof against a keyboard.

Dr Coleman's main research analysts, Dr Anthony Doucet, had this to say about the results, "Generally as education improves grammar and spelling improve, as does diction and clarity of thought. But sometimes you'll find a douche bag who managed to struggle through a 2-year community college who would write like second grader on crack. Those were painful."

One post-based site frequented by the poorer performers was ubersite.com. Dr Doucet had this to say of people posting on this site, "I saw way too many posts that looked like they were written by a second grader with one hand two feet up his ass talking about how Black people suck, or how Mexicans are destroying the economy, or God knows what other garbage."

When some of these people were asked to take IQ tests, few accepted. "The ones who did enjoyed an average IQ of 57. That indicates severe mental retardation, or some form of brain trauma," said Dr Doucet. Dr Coleman was overheard saying, "Christ, even people who just had strokes and can barely move score better than that."

Dr Coleman gave a brief synopsis of the results as this, "As intelligence and education go up, generally these typos decrease. Of course, this is not always the case, but the trend is obvious. It is also important to note that there are many other factors playing into this, such as lifestyle, political views, ethnicity, et cetera. We still need further analysis to be able to conclusively identify trends in other areas."

These results may make dumbasses type correctly. For the sake of mankind, this reporter hopes so

Posted: 2003-12-15 11:43am
by Demiurge
Your? The proper spelling is ur.

Posted: 2003-12-15 12:31pm
by Montcalm
Why do i have the feeling that in the centuries to come,this kind of speed typing may become the norm :?

Posted: 2003-12-15 12:34pm
by Companion Cube
ur rong!!1!11! 133t sp34k 13 t3h ub3r!!!! :wink:


Sorry. Anyway, I find this reassuring-I almost always use normal english when I type anyway.

Posted: 2003-12-15 12:37pm
by Chardok
Ahh, so nice to see conclisive evidence of retardation. Now I can point teh phucking morons on AO to that to check their intelligence levels. (I've used 1337 5p34k before, but joking around...


1337 = teh 00b0r!!!1!1one

:wink:

Posted: 2003-12-15 12:47pm
by phongn
... this from the Associated Press? I don't think so.

Posted: 2003-12-15 01:20pm
by Col. Crackpot
a bullshit artist wrote:He continued to say; "It really gets me when people think that just because you're online you can typo like a fucking retard. If you have the motor control of a retarded chimpanzee with Parkinson's disease you should be able to do it."
*sniff sniff..... mmmmm thats good cowpie :roll:

Posted: 2003-12-15 01:25pm
by fgalkin2
Bullshit indeed. Check out this fake CNN page.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Posted: 2003-12-15 02:44pm
by Cosmic Average
Hilarious! :D

And Jesus, can you people not realize what is and is not a joke when you read one?

Posted: 2003-12-15 03:14pm
by Col. Crackpot
Cosmic Average wrote:Hilarious! :D

And Jesus, can you people not realize what is and is not a joke when you read one?
jokes are p4unny! dat shiznet is da w34kness! :roll:

Posted: 2003-12-15 04:44pm
by Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
wut d0 u m33n??// im smrt!!11
The study concluded that people with advanced college degrees made almost no typos, and would actually fix accidental ones they found. People with a standard four year degree tended to use time savers, (i.e. skipping apostrophes in you're, as well as capitalization), while people with a high school diploma or less tended to type with the grammatical accuracy of a horse bashing its hoof against a keyboard.
What I'm wondering is: Why do you need a college degree to understand basic rules of grammar? I find people that type with no regard for spelling and grammar annoying as well, but hardly indicative of IQ.

Posted: 2003-12-15 04:52pm
by SyntaxVorlon
I've long thought this, but I needed this fake AP report to confirm it.

Posted: 2003-12-15 05:17pm
by Hamel
I love it when shitheads type as if they're writing a thesis statement in the middle of a game, and act as if it makes them sophisticated or something. Their loss, because while they're fumbling to impress everyone, I'm fragging their asses to kingdom come.

Posted: 2003-12-15 07:49pm
by Andrew J.
What about people who misspell stuff because they're always drunk?

Posted: 2003-12-15 10:07pm
by Xenophobe3691
I fucking hate it when people type like that, honestly, EVEN MY DAD DOES IT, AND HE'S A FUCKING MD!

Posted: 2003-12-15 10:11pm
by BlkbrryTheGreat
You should have saved this for April first.

Posted: 2003-12-16 01:49am
by Gandalf
I should probably send that out as chain e-mail or something.

Posted: 2003-12-16 02:22am
by Sriad
He continued to say; "It really gets me when people think that just because you're online you can typo like a fucking retard. If you have the motor control of a retarded chimpanzee with Parkinson's disease you should be able to do it."
Someone's bitter. :lol:

Seriously though, that was nice. Fun. Etc.

Posted: 2003-12-16 04:05am
by C.S.Strowbridge
Hamel wrote:I love it when shitheads type as if they're writing a thesis statement in the middle of a game, and act as if it makes them sophisticated or something. Their loss, because while they're fumbling to impress everyone, I'm fragging their asses to kingdom come.
I don't talk in games. Why bother?

Posted: 2003-12-16 02:49pm
by Stormbringer
Andrew J. wrote:What about people who misspell stuff because they're always drunk?
AA

Posted: 2003-12-16 02:54pm
by Stormbringer
Hamel wrote:I love it when shitheads type as if they're writing a thesis statement in the middle of a game, and act as if it makes them sophisticated or something. Their loss, because while they're fumbling to impress everyone, I'm fragging their asses to kingdom come.
There's a big difference between people using that in a game and morons that use it as a subsitute for proper English.

Posted: 2003-12-16 03:13pm
by Admiral Valdemar
C.S.Strowbridge wrote:
Hamel wrote:I love it when shitheads type as if they're writing a thesis statement in the middle of a game, and act as if it makes them sophisticated or something. Their loss, because while they're fumbling to impress everyone, I'm fragging their asses to kingdom come.
I don't talk in games. Why bother?
But those 12-year olds need to harp on about how "l33t" they are when they get a kill in CS. Meanwhile, the quiet ones put their digits to good use by lining up that sniping shot at the prancing fools.

Posted: 2003-12-16 03:42pm
by Zac Naloen
smartest person i know types in short hand like that...

and when i say smartest i mean like fucking prodigy smart... i think its cos she treats msn like her mobile phone... im not sure though.

Posted: 2003-12-16 04:32pm
by Robert Walper
Makes me wonder where my grammar and spelling level puts me on their IQ system. I don't imagine the system being all that accurate, since in fact I didn't go to college nor have any plan to do so.

*ahem* Correction...

maks me wondr were my gramir an speeling levl put me on thier iq thing i dont think hte systm beeing al that acurate since ni fact i didnt goto colege an hav no plan to do so

Posted: 2003-12-16 04:35pm
by General Zod
always pisses me off when people on a forum use 'it saves time' as an excuse to spell like shit. if you've got the time to go to a forum and read over other people's posts, you should have enough time to make your posts legible. on a chat it's somewhat understandable (not that it makes it any less stupid), but on a forum there shouldn't be any excuse. i'll use 1337 every once in a rare while, but not that often, and only when i'm joking around usually.