A Christmas Poem!
Posted: 2003-12-23 07:48am
NOT QUITE "THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS"
by Rob Dalton and Chris O'Farrell
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the land,
Not a flamewar was stirring,
not even in SLAM.
TIE fighters were racked,
in the hangar with care,
In the hopes that Lord Kanos
would soon be there.
The spammers were nestled,
all snug in their cans,
While fast-rising postcounts
flowed from their hands.
And David with his monkeys,
and I and the mods,
Had just collapsed gently,
still stroking our rods.
When out on the forum,
there arose such a thread,
I sprang from my puddle,
my heart sickened by dread.
I moved to the mod panel,
and the lock button pressed,
then clicked on "IP"
and checked the address.
The numbers I saw,
on the dotted-quad shown,
Gave a skip to my heart
and I was chilled to the bone!
As I read the address,
and checked who it was,
My heart rose in my throat
since I was alone!
It was a little-known poster,
his count eleven and six,
But that didn't matter...
He'd brought his troll mix!
"Now, DarkStar! now, Deimos!
now, Pinkeye! and Shinji!
On, Axis! on, Azeron!
on, Omega and Timmy!
To the forum for Versus!
to the ones down below!
Now flame away, flame away
flame away, so!"
And so the forums they stirred,
with their stupidity vile,
They proceeded to make
one big, steaming pile.
To the top of the forum
the idiots bumped
Ages-old threads
that they had dry-humped.
And then, to my relief,
I saw on the porch,
A row of flamewarriors,
each with a torch.
So I drew out my swords
and joined the melee;
But our foe was most vicious,
and gave daring play.
But down jumped Darth Wong,
dressed all in black leather,
wielding a great weapon
that seemed light as a feather!
He slashed and he stabbed,
and he tore through the foes;
Blood spattered the walls,
the floors and our clothes!
His eyes -- how they glowed!
his cape, black as night!
His massive shitkickers,
and his armor of might!
His lips were drawn up
into a sinister grin,
And his teeth gleamed in the light
Like Rob Wilson's shin!
The hilt of a sword
he held tight in his hand,
And power coursed through him,
drawn from the land.
His dark face took in
the sight that he saw,
And his laugh was such that
I almost pissed in my drawers.
He looked upon us
as we giggled with fright,
Turned round and walked
into the night.
But he turned his head back,
and he winked his bright eye,
And we knew all too soon
that their hope had run dry.
He spoke many words,
and our souls within screamed,
For we knew when he spoke such,
that some troll just got reamed.
And so the smackdown was through,
and he came back to us soon;
He held in his hands
a big, bloody spoon.
He sprang to the roof,
his footsteps much lighter,
And to his dark citadel
took off in his fighter.
And we heard him shout loudly,
as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, you fuckers,
I'm giving anal tonight!"
by Rob Dalton and Chris O'Farrell
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the land,
Not a flamewar was stirring,
not even in SLAM.
TIE fighters were racked,
in the hangar with care,
In the hopes that Lord Kanos
would soon be there.
The spammers were nestled,
all snug in their cans,
While fast-rising postcounts
flowed from their hands.
And David with his monkeys,
and I and the mods,
Had just collapsed gently,
still stroking our rods.
When out on the forum,
there arose such a thread,
I sprang from my puddle,
my heart sickened by dread.
I moved to the mod panel,
and the lock button pressed,
then clicked on "IP"
and checked the address.
The numbers I saw,
on the dotted-quad shown,
Gave a skip to my heart
and I was chilled to the bone!
As I read the address,
and checked who it was,
My heart rose in my throat
since I was alone!
It was a little-known poster,
his count eleven and six,
But that didn't matter...
He'd brought his troll mix!
"Now, DarkStar! now, Deimos!
now, Pinkeye! and Shinji!
On, Axis! on, Azeron!
on, Omega and Timmy!
To the forum for Versus!
to the ones down below!
Now flame away, flame away
flame away, so!"
And so the forums they stirred,
with their stupidity vile,
They proceeded to make
one big, steaming pile.
To the top of the forum
the idiots bumped
Ages-old threads
that they had dry-humped.
And then, to my relief,
I saw on the porch,
A row of flamewarriors,
each with a torch.
So I drew out my swords
and joined the melee;
But our foe was most vicious,
and gave daring play.
But down jumped Darth Wong,
dressed all in black leather,
wielding a great weapon
that seemed light as a feather!
He slashed and he stabbed,
and he tore through the foes;
Blood spattered the walls,
the floors and our clothes!
His eyes -- how they glowed!
his cape, black as night!
His massive shitkickers,
and his armor of might!
His lips were drawn up
into a sinister grin,
And his teeth gleamed in the light
Like Rob Wilson's shin!
The hilt of a sword
he held tight in his hand,
And power coursed through him,
drawn from the land.
His dark face took in
the sight that he saw,
And his laugh was such that
I almost pissed in my drawers.
He looked upon us
as we giggled with fright,
Turned round and walked
into the night.
But he turned his head back,
and he winked his bright eye,
And we knew all too soon
that their hope had run dry.
He spoke many words,
and our souls within screamed,
For we knew when he spoke such,
that some troll just got reamed.
And so the smackdown was through,
and he came back to us soon;
He held in his hands
a big, bloody spoon.
He sprang to the roof,
his footsteps much lighter,
And to his dark citadel
took off in his fighter.
And we heard him shout loudly,
as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, you fuckers,
I'm giving anal tonight!"
A spoon!? 
