HE vs She

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2002-10-10 01:24pm

Do not know if this is real or not, but it was funny.

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

-------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

---------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign
off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole
through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

-------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

-------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Asshole.

--------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Bitch.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Wanker.

--------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Slut.

--------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Get fucked.

--------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Eat shit.

--------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

--------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2002-10-10 01:37pm

Ok, that was not exactly what I expected.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-10 01:38pm

ROTFLMAO!

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-10-10 01:39pm

An oldie but a goldie.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2002-10-10 01:43pm

Stormbringer wrote:ROTFLMAO!

Being new to boards and stuff, what does that mean?

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-10 01:43pm

OMFG, LMFAO!!!!!

FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-10 01:45pm

Knife wrote:
Stormbringer wrote:ROTFLMAO!
Being new to boards and stuff, what does that mean?

Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My Ass Off.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2002-10-10 01:51pm

Thanks Stormbringer, I can usual figure the smaller ones out on my own, but that one was stumping me.

Yeah, my wife sent it to me on Email, and I've read it about a dozen times and keep laughing like a fool every time.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-10 01:52pm

That Gary guy sounds like someone from around here....

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-10-10 02:08pm

I actually had to do a similar assignment. The difference being that since I was writing with another guy our story ended up being about prostitutes. But prostitutes with hearts of gold. It was all good until we had to read it in front of the class.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2002-10-10 02:15pm

neoolong wrote:I actually had to do a similar assignment. The difference being that since I was writing with another guy our story ended up being about prostitutes. But prostitutes with hearts of gold. It was all good until we had to read it in front of the class.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-10 02:58pm

ROTFLMAO!!!

Are you SERIOUS?!?!?!?!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-10-10 03:09pm

Yes, I'm serious. It was in college though, so we didn't get in trouble. It wasn't like porn either.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-10-10 03:32pm

His story was actually sounding cool for a bit. Then again, I'm biased. I've tried examining the kind of stories that most women find fascinating, and I just cannot. A quote I can't remember the source of:

"Women prefer stories about one person dying slowly. Men prefer stories of many people dying quickly."

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2002-10-10 03:58pm

Brilliance.

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-10 04:30pm

wow, that was a great quote lagmonster, might I use it

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-10-10 04:38pm

starfury wrote:wow, that was a great quote lagmonster, might I use it

Won't bother me, it wasn't my quote. Anyone who can place it would be a real help.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2002-10-10 05:35pm

Men are from Earth, women are also from Earth. GET OVER IT!

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-10 07:55pm

That's pretty funny. I actually thought the girl's story had some potential, too, but I also enjoyed the flame war that ensued, with allegations of tea-parties and rampant violence and sexuality flying across the page.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2002-10-10 09:02pm

LMAO she just killed the guy off so that she can get back to her character Laurie who was having trouble deciding over what kind of tea she wanted

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-10 10:40pm

ArmorPierce wrote:LMAO she just killed the guy off so that she can get back to her character Laurie who was having trouble deciding over what kind of tea she wanted

Yes, yes she did.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-10 10:46pm

And he killed her off to get back to the ruthless genocidal war. LOL

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2002-10-11 12:22am

But an INTERESTING genocidal war, nonetheless.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-11 12:24am

*chuckle* true, true.

Post by **weemadando** » 2002-10-11 12:37am

Did anyone ever play the game "Gender Wars"?

It was like Syndicate in a Male vs Female environment.