Help me cover my ass, por favor.

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-01-13 01:58am

Ok, here's the scenario:

I am teaching music now, but not during the day as a county/school district employee (for those of you who didn't know that). I am a private percussion teacher, where I see students one-on-one, and I'm also a percussion ensemble teacher who is hired contractually by schools to teach extra-curricular ensembles.

And here's the potential problem:

Most of my students are boys. One of them in particular, one of my juniors in high school, allegedly has a crush on me. A couple chicks told me that he always flirts with me, and I shrugged it off, but then a couple days later the kid's best friend came and told me that he seriously had a crush on me, so...yeah.

My question is, because my relationship with him is on the one-to-one scene, what can I do to prevent an accusation if he gets really angry at me? He's a good kid and I like him--I don't see him flipping out and pointing fingers, but it's always possible. In the regular teaching situation, you're never supposed to be alone with kids--ESPECIALLY high school kids--so that they can't make up stories of how you sexually assaulted them. But in this situation, I'm in the one-on-one scenario with him once a week.

The kid's a good kid, and I certainly want to keep teaching him. I just want to know if there's anything y'all can think of that will help me cover my ass with this. Thoughts?

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-01-13 02:04am

Ask if you can set up a security camera in the practice room.

If that fails, keep a hidden tape recorder going during your practices.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-01-13 02:04am

Hide a camera somewhere?

Sounds parnoid, but it would most likely work.

Or you could use a tape recorder...

EDIT: GET OUT OF MY HEAD, KUJA! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2004-01-13 02:15am

Record your sessions with him, audio or video. Previous recordings could even be useful in your teaching.

Post by **haas mark** » 2004-01-13 02:18am

Recordings are a good idea, but also talk to the kid's parents and clear up any issues with them so that they won't be able to say anything about it, and so that they know you do have good intentions about the matter.

~ver

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-01-13 02:32am

Recording are a good idea, but video is out (too expensive and not practical considering the room in which I teach). Audio I've done before (not for this purpose, for teaching reasons), and I suppose I can tape every lesson, but..and maybe this is wildly optimistic of me...I was sort of hoping for something a little less deceptive.

Talking to his parents is a good idea. I'm on excellent terms with both of them, so that should be fine. Any other suggestions?

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2004-01-13 02:34am

Teach in a room with the door open...Or in a soundproof room with windows.

If the above *is* available.

And if you are reeeeaally paranoid, notify your superiors.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-01-13 02:51am

Do you have overlapping or consecutive lessons? If so, how long are the individual lessons?

Perhaps you can reschedual so that the next student shows up five, ten, fifteen minutes early and is present for a decent chunk of the previous lesson and have the present student clean his shit up while the next is rotated in. This way you have someone else in the room for a substancial amount of time with your trouble student.

Basicly try to minimize any time you are isolated and alone with him.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-01-13 02:53am

Where specifically do you teach him?

Is it your house? His house? A business or school where others could be taking lessons for other instruments at the same time?

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2004-01-13 03:28am

I think you're being a bit paranoid.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-01-13 03:55am

The tape recordings would be the simple way. Notify parents, admin, etc.
Don't worry about being paranoid. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean everyone isn't out to get you.
Besides, you have us for support and anything that involves ass on this board, especially those of its members, are covered so fast that it makes me doubt special relativity.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-01-13 04:32am

If you simply notify parents and superiors of your concern, then things will look a lot better for you if this kid ever raised any shit (I think that's unlikely though).

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-01-13 09:14am

Well, normally you'd be safe because you were a public teacher, and it would have been your word against his, thus the school would have sided with you (though these days I wonder). But as a private teacher, even a nasty rumor leveled against you can ruin your career and lose you clients by word of mouth, even if you do nothing wrong. I agree with Howedar that you should probably notify his parents as the best course of action. You probably won't need to go as far as making recordings, unless he makes a move on you, but keep his parents involved.

Plus, I don't know how feasible this is, but you might also consider not making his sessions one on one anymore and pairing him up with another student.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2004-01-13 09:18am

I'd record practice sessions.

I'd also be tempted to confront the student on tape. I agree confronting him might be unnessacary, it could be a big joke his friends are doing to embarrass him.

However, definately audio record the practice sessions.

If anyone asks, it's so you can review how they sounded more objectively then being there giving them instructions

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2004-01-13 09:49am

What exactly could you do that would make him flip out an accuse you of anything?

he has a crush on you, he's not gonna want to try and hurt you. Unless you do anything to lead him on in anyway

its just a crush, he'll get over it... just don't tease him and you should be fine

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-01-13 09:55am

Zac Naloen wrote:What exactly could you do that would make him flip out an accuse you of anything?

he has a crush on you, he's not gonna want to try and hurt you. Unless you do anything to lead him on in anyway

its just a crush, he'll get over it... just don't tease him and you should be fine

Don't underestimate angst-ridden kids. Lots of people have been consumed by their crushes and done spiteful things out of frustration, like accuse people of sexual harrassment when none took place, stalk people, etc. While I'm sure not everyone is like that, you certainly want to be prepared for when you meet the one person that IS.

By way of a really heard-it-from-a-friend-of-a-friend example, there was a story of a girl back in university who had a crush on her professor. She was a bit off her head, and ended up not only following him home, but later on making false police reports about the professor's WIFE, hoping she'd be jailed or painted in a bad light so that he would leave her and be single for the student to pursue.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2004-01-13 10:04am

Zaia wrote:The kid's a good kid, and I certainly want to keep teaching him. I just want to know if there's anything y'all can think of that will help me cover my ass with this. Thoughts?

I would recommend a neutral witness to sit in on your one-on-one teaching sessions. Barring that, recommend video-taping your sessions from beginning to end...

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-01-13 10:09am

Audio record first. I seriously doubt he is immediately going to think you are doing so to get juicy bits on him. And if he does soothe his fears by telling him it's for your later review of material.

It'll give you backing if nothing else.

Then if you feel particularly uncomfortable, talk to the parents. That can shore up problems just as well.

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-01-13 11:22am

I think tape-recording the musical sessions with the student should suffice as a reasonably prudent measure. Another precautionary measure to take is to notify you supervisor in factual terms, and for the record, what the student in question has been doing, what other students have told you, and make the supervisor aware of the fact that you are going to be recording the musical sessions.

I would strongly advise AGAINST getting the parents involved, even though you are on good terms with them. That could potentially open a can of worms, and is not worth the risk.

My father is on the Board of Ed in my town and I've heard too many stories about seemingly decent and respectable parents, in all innocence, creating a world of shit for teachers out of concern for what's best for their child.

Another reason to not get the parents involved is that they could possibly come down hard on their son, and he would really, really, resent the fact that you told his parents on him. Instead of having a a student who has a crush on you, you may have a student who feels really hurt and embarressed by you, and that's worse.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2004-01-13 11:33am

Mention that you are attracted to people who shave their head. If he's bald the next day you know he's too obsessed and should end the sessions.

But seriously, I think if you 'ask advice' from some of your colleges, then you'd outnumber him it witnesses (your several vs his none) in any accusation. You should also mention your opinions to the 'chicks' or his friends when they tell you about it. It will probably filter back to him.

You could also try bringing a big burly boyfriend (or friend-who's-a-boy) to a session. That'd should turn him off, his natural instinct should be to back off when he's clearly outgunned by the more mature/masculine guy. At least it works for monkeys.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2004-01-13 12:39pm

Bertie Wooster wrote:I think tape-recording the musical sessions with the student should suffice as a reasonably prudent measure. Another precautionary measure to take is to notify you supervisor in factual terms, and for the record, what the student in question has been doing, what other students have told you, and make the supervisor aware of the fact that you are going to be recording the musical sessions.

I would strongly advise AGAINST getting the parents involved, even though you are on good terms with them. That could potentially open a can of worms, and is not worth the risk.

My father is on the Board of Ed in my town and I've heard too many stories about seemingly decent and respectable parents, in all innocence, creating a world of shit for teachers out of concern for what's best for their child.

Another reason to not get the parents involved is that they could possibly come down hard on their son, and he would really, really, resent the fact that you told his parents on him. Instead of having a a student who has a crush on you, you may have a student who feels really hurt and embarressed by you, and that's worse.

Yes, quite true. Parents are weird when it comes to their kids. As far as half of them are concerned, anybody who says anything bad about their kid is possibly the worst example of evil since a short Austrian with a funny mustache named Adolf. They may seem nice, but it wouldn't take much for them to go from "Oh, she's such a nice teacher" to "Why is she noticing our son in that way? She must be a pedophile."

If you must get someone involved go to your supervisor first and keep good records (such as recordings) if you are still troubled. Though scheduling your time to have other student witnesses around would be good, the witnesses can't be relied upon.

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-01-13 02:40pm

Every once in a while, other students wander through the lessons, and sometimes his parents show up early to pick him up so they can hear him play, but mostly it's just the two of us in the band room for his hour-long lesson. I teach my lessons in the evening, so there aren't normally people coming and going, and the faculty are all at home by then. And when they do walk into the band room during my lesson, they're very curteous and leave quietly because they don't want to interrupt.

He's a GREAT kid--very talented, bright, and fun--and we get along well, which is always a plus in teaching. I have that kind of relationship with almost all of my students, so I don't treat him any differently than any of the others (in case anyone thinks I have pedophilic tendencies). I joke around and act goofy with all my kids. He's just responded to it differently than the rest.

Also, I'm certain that his friends weren't joking around when they told me. I tried to make it into a joke (I said something like, 'Hahah, yeah right, with all these band chicks around?'), and they remained very serious about it and said that he's had a crush on me for a few months. So I think that theory's out.

The chance that this will turn ugly is very slight, but the smart thing in this line of business is to cover my ass. It may seem paranoid to some of you (ArmorPierce, for one), but I know what can and does happen in these situations.

Post by **Beowulf** » 2004-01-13 03:28pm

I have a Brilliant Idea!

Ask one of your male friends to act the part of your boyfriend. If the high-schooler thinks you're already dating someone, he'll probably move on.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2004-01-13 03:40pm

God knows even paranoids have enemies, and it's not like it hasn't happened before...

While recording the sessions seems like a reasonable precaution, I wonder if that is actually legal. I'm not saying it is not, but I honestly don't know. If the answer to that is 'of course it is, stupid' by all means ignore the rest of this, but I thought the point should be mentioned.

Will the recordings be made with the pupils's knowledge?

a) If yes, and he REALLY goes so far as to make false accusations, chances are he'll look for a way to avoid the recordings, so the may not help all that much.

b) If no, the could get Zaia in even more trouble. I mean, the bitch sexually assaulted my son, she recorded the sessions without his consent, she propably doctored the tapes, too.

And heaven forbid the recordings are illegal in and of themselves...

I apologize for the insult, m'Lady.

And yes, I know I don't actually have a son,
Unless we're talking about Dick, who would be laughed out of the cave if he ever made accusations like that

And I apologize for the inappropriate levity, Mistress Zaia.

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2004-01-13 03:46pm

she'd need his permission for the recordings for them to be legal.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Help me cover my ass, por favor.

Help me cover my ass, por favor.

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