StarDestroyer.Net BBS

What are they?

30-round assault rifles or 15-round autopistols suddenly have limitless ammo, until the plot requires the magazine to be spent eg. when the hero is being chased by the gunman, gets stuck and there's a fateful second where the baddie smirks and then pulls the trigger, only to find that he's run out of ammo. High Explosive grenades can be used as antipersonnel weapons, while Frag Grenades are nowhere to be seen. You can wield claymores in one hand and use the other hand to flip the bird at an English army. It doesn't matter how big/expensive/dangerous the Battlestation/Evil Genius's Lair/New Fighter or Tank is, it can be defeated by the hero using tricksy tactics.

Cavalry charges against elephants work. Heroes routinely triumph against overwhelming odds, and sometimes make it look good (but usually make it look unbelievable, and not in the good sense). The ticking time bomb will continue to tick, or pause, if the onscreen action/dialogue exceeds the amount of time left on the bomb. It will always explode the second or two after the heroes have vacated the building, and the explosion always throws the heroes in the air, only so they can come up without a scratch or bump to the noggin.

Undead armies trump ALL OPPOSITION, unless the opposition happens to include Ash armed with a chemistry set and materials for gunpowder. Female soldiers invariably have the looks of supermodels (with some notable exceptions). Female characters act a lot like male characters, proving that anything a man can do a woman can do better - even if this means swearing, drinking shit and smoking it too, essentially becoming a man with tits (this isn't really an action movie cliche, it just bugs me - on the other hand, apparently Female Starbuck fits this bill).

There will always be a titanic struggle between the hero and villan, and usually the former will triumph over the latter after getting beaten to an inch of his life, but somehow overcomes his exhaustion to deal that one final uppercut, which dazes the villan enough to trip and fall into a convenient pool of acid/larva/sharks/cliff/bottomless pit/space etc.

Around the 30-45min mark the villans will do something really nasty to the hero (Owen and Beru being executed; Echo Base being assaulted, the first guy to die in the Predator film etc). Around 15-30mins before the end of the film, the hero will do something or meet somebody or be someplace which gives him a chance to strike back at the bad guys (Luke arriving at Yavin, or going to Bespin, or Arnie setting up the traps for the predator). This leaves the final 15-30 mins of the film as the Big Climactic Showdown. Usually the hero wins. (this paragraph isn't really a cliche, more like the way screenplays are written)

Just once I'd like to see an action movie where the outgunned, outmanned good guys loose. And I'm not talking about one of those artsy "despite their heroic efforts, it was too little too late" scenarios. I want to see them getting OWNED, and within the first 15 minutes of the movie. The rest of the flick can revolve around all the general badness that gets committed because the good guys failed so miserably. And smart villians! We need smart villians who shoot the good guys ON SIGHT, and laugh hysterically after their dastardly plan has been fulfilled. I would especially love how you get to know and love the main characters, learn all their little quirks and tragic histories, and then see them getting wiped out! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Final Fight cliche:

Step 1, Good guy kicks the villian's ass

Step 2, Villian plays some dirty trick and kicks the good guy's ass

Step 3, Due to <insert reasons> the good guy counterattacks, villian dies in lots of ways

or

Step 3, Good guy is so mad he wants to kill the villian, but doesn't, villian tries to sneak a final blow, fails and dies.

Glass cliche:
Shattered glass only cuts villians.

Sidewalk vendor rule: any car chase will always desroy at least one sidewalk vender's entire merchandise.

MArtail arts fights and foot chases can also result in this damage.


note the chase will destroy the vender's stall no matter what material or goods exist, speed of the vehicle, or density of the wares.



The fairgrounds rule: A drug dealer can use what ever restaurant or other public place for all his illicent activities, and no one will ever notice. (taken from the fact that Henry Lime, did all of his drug deals on either the ferris wheel or the merry go round)

Lazy Raptor wrote:Just once I'd like to see an action movie where the outgunned, outmanned good guys loose. And I'm not talking about one of those artsy "despite their heroic efforts, it was too little too late" scenarios. I want to see them getting OWNED, and within the first 15 minutes of the movie. The rest of the flick can revolve around all the general badness that gets committed because the good guys failed so miserably. And smart villians! We need smart villians who shoot the good guys ON SIGHT, and laugh hysterically after their dastardly plan has been fulfilled. I would especially love how you get to know and love the main characters, learn all their little quirks and tragic histories, and then see them getting wiped out! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Sounds like you want the bad guys to read the Evil Overlord List.

Bullets make always the same sound when ricochetting, give off sparks on any surface, and good guys have a strong enough character shield to deflect the bullets only inches/feet from them, said bullets (from 9mm to .50cal) always hitting the ground, despite the bad guys aiming to the chest area.

Heroes who are so inhumanly fast that they can outrun the blast effect from the bomb that just exploded behind them. You've all seen it. This insanely huge fireball is roiling forward, visible behind the sprinting hero, yet he manages to race down the hallway, street, rooftop, whatever, just in time to duck behind some convenient piece of cover just in the nick of time for the blast to surge safely by him.

In real life of course, if you were caught in close proximity to a large explosion, you'd be turned into jellied protoplasm before you could blink an eye, but movie heroes always manage to develop running speed that would make Superman envious.

Massive explosions going off twenty feet away have absolutely no detrimental effect on hero, but reduces villains to free hydrogen. I'm also sick of the whole Matrix style fight-scenes- every decent action movie star does that now.

The good guy always wins, i hate that.

Cops always carry enough weaponary to arm a small army in their car boots/trunks.

The hero is always good looking and so is the person that he inevitably porks.

Oh, I almost forgot. Deadeye, sharpshooting good guys, who confront legions of bad guys who couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a base fiddle. Cars which always explode in a spectacular pyrotechnic display in a crash (particularly if they drive off a cliff and fall some distance). Good guys who are getting their asses kicked royally until the evil villain expresses a desire to hurt the girlfriend, mother, child, or other helpless dependent, whereupon the hero suddenly is supercharged with berserker rage and effortlessly beats the villain to bloody pulp. The villain who reveals every tiny detail of his nefarious master plan to the hero whom he thinks is defeated, only to see the hero escape, foil his plan, and kill him horribly. Firearms whose bullets have the power to knock their targets about like rag dolls, even though this should mean equally vicious recoil to hero firing the gun (for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction). The maverick hero cop, who's such a lone wolf and a loose cannon he's always on the verge of being fired by his bosses, or jailed for excessive force, yet always manages to come out a winner. Two heroes who can't stand each other initially, yet who come to respect and admire each other for their courage and integrity, depite their differing methods and personalilties, and become close friends by the end of the movie. Villains, who instead of simply shooting the hero whom they now have in their clutches, either take an inordinate amount of time to gloat, or plan some elaborate and painful death, thus allowing the hero time and opportunity to escape and turn the tables.

Have I missed anything?

If the hero is being chased by an aeroplane/helicopter which is firing a machine gun, he will be able to outrun the bullets which form a trail behind him.
Any character played by Bill Paxton who has a weapon wil be killed.

The "brother" law: Any signifigant relative of the hero (Brother, father, uncle, old man who served as foster father to the hero, etc.) will die in a violent messy way. this will prompt the hero to engage in some very nasty reprocity.

Refered to as the "Brother" law as it's usually the Brother who has ties to the underworld that get's the axe....

The hero has some **dark secret** about his past that is central to the plot. This **dark secret** will always be brought to light at a convenient moment, and will be overcome at the end of the movie.

Good guys that can't aim for shit when their target is essential to the mission and killing them would take a good 20 minutes off of the movie.

Important things always getting destroyed/disabled at the last possible second.

And of course, villians' lairs exploding for no apparent reason.

Everything in the Evil Overlord List.

When a hero runs across a bridge and the baddie is firing a SMG the bullets will hit the railing of the bridge, but suprise, suprise none land on the hero

Regardless of training and expertise, the henchmen will come at the hero one at a time, or, if one gets the hero in a headlock, another will come over to attempt to punch him.

Ok, so if you were to make an action movie, how would you avoid these cliches or are they necessary for the films to be made?

Are there any action movies that avoid all the cliches?

Another rule of action movies is that every conflict could come down to a one on one showdown between the hero and the villain. There may be SWAT teams, military units, fighter jets etc but victory would be won by one single man not teamwork.

My favorite;

"Now that I have you captured and helpless I shall tell you MY entire plan up to and including the only small possible way you could defeat ME if you managed to escape. Bwhahahahahahah."

Good guys always can hide behind flimsy objects and those objects are capable of stopping bullets.

ie: water troughs, corregated aluminum, drywall, car doors, tables, etc

Good guy shoots bad guy repeatedly. Bad guy staggers, then proceeds to fight with the good guy and hold his own until the good guy kills him in some clever and novel way.

Morrigan wrote:

1. A vehicle balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff will always topple over the edge moments after the hero has vacated it.
2. A vehicle that topples over the edge of a cliff/falls from a hight will always spectacularly burst into flames on impact, even where the petrol tank was demonstrably empty prior to impact.

Er, empty tanks are more hazardous, because gasoline fumes are explosive.

Uraniun235 wrote:

Morrigan wrote:

1. A vehicle balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff will always topple over the edge moments after the hero has vacated it.
2. A vehicle that topples over the edge of a cliff/falls from a hight will always spectacularly burst into flames on impact, even where the petrol tank was demonstrably empty prior to impact.

Er, empty tanks are more hazardous, because gasoline fumes are explosive.

Yes, but cars in movies always explode with such a huge fireball that they look like a dedicated incendiary bomb.