Dumb criminals...
Posted: 2004-02-28 01:59pm
10 of the 'Dumbest 'Criminals
contest.
RUNNER-UP #9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout
meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog
found a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP #8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and
said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP #7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the
car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP #6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The
Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP #5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of
handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP #4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor
said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he
required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP #3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district
attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself
until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive)
head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that
was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year
sentence.
RUNNER-UP #2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a
Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him
for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the
screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis,
Missouri.
RUNNER-UP #1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER!
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month,
having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his
first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the
man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In
delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated
nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had
warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would
insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and
costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man
$15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the
check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own
insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to
24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
contest.
RUNNER-UP #9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout
meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog
found a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP #8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and
said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP #7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the
car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP #6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The
Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP #5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of
handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP #4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor
said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he
required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP #3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district
attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself
until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive)
head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that
was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year
sentence.
RUNNER-UP #2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a
Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him
for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the
screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis,
Missouri.
RUNNER-UP #1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER!
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month,
having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his
first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the
man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In
delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated
nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had
warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would
insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and
costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man
$15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the
check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own
insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to
24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
