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The following are excuse notes from parents (including original
spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were
collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia
and Mississippi.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell
out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
(Squirts)

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea)(direathe) the shits. [Words were crossed out in the original.]

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and
his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping
because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot
to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
funeral.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
fever and sore throat, her brother a low grade fever and ached
allover. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There
must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

And the best one...

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was not his fault.

Excuses are the language of failure.

LOL

I liked Bart's letter, from "The Simpsons."

"Please excuse my poor handwriting. I busted whichever hand I usually write with."

And Skinner's comment. "You were right to be suspicious, Edna."

I can't believe parents actually wrote those! Of course, they were form states with a lot of rednecks.

Parents who can't spell right shouldn't be reproducing.

Of course, there are some dumb students who send in dumb reports.

Martin Luther Junior was famous for his "If I had a hammer" speech. He nailed 95 theses to a church door.

Ancient Egypt was ruled by mummies who spoke in hydraulics. The weather in the Sarah Desert was so bad that they had to live elsewhere.

Very fucking funny, maybe I should go dig some up that come from you damn yankees.

I think this is from a joke list.

I've seen the same thing on Snopes.

OMG, FUNNIEST fucking thing I've seen in a looooooooooooooooooooong time!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I can't believe parents actually wrote those! Of course, they were form states with a lot of rednecks.

Parents who can't spell right shouldn't be reproducing.

Of course, there are some dumb students who send in dumb reports.

Martin Luther Junior was famous for his "If I had a hammer" speech. He nailed 95 theses to a church door.

Ancient Egypt was ruled by mummies who spoke in hydraulics. The weather in the Sarah Desert was so bad that they had to live elsewhere.

Don't forget the Plague of Boobs caused by the Bubonic Plague.