What porn teaches us.

OT: anything goes!

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Alferd Packer
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What porn teaches us.

Post by Alferd Packer »

Got this in an email today.

I thought it was funny. :lol:


What porn teaches us:

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in
the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll
only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.
24. Women never have headaches.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it.'
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Pigtails = handlebars.
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Post by Anarchist Bunny »

32. Being a Pizza Guy is the same as being a Manwhore, but with pizza.
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Post by Tsyroc »

:lol:


They need to add the bit about saying, "Who's your daddy" because it turns the girl on. :D
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Post by IRG CommandoJoe »

You mean...porno tapes are...LIES to simply ENTERTAIN us?!

:P
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Post by Stormbringer »

IRG CommandoJoe wrote:You mean...porno tapes are...LIES to simply ENTERTAIN us?!

:P
Do you by any chance believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa too?
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Post by IRG CommandoJoe »

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT THE EASTER BUNNY TOO!!!! POOR SANTA!!!!!!! LIVE DAMN YOU LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

:P
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Post by haas mark »

:shock: :D :lol: :D :shock:
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Post by Stormbringer »

IRG CommandoJoe wrote:NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT THE EASTER BUNNY TOO!!!! POOR SANTA!!!!!!! LIVE DAMN YOU LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

:P
I suppose this would be a bad idea to tell you about the tooth fairy right now?
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Post by haas mark »

Stormbringer wrote:
IRG CommandoJoe wrote:NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT THE EASTER BUNNY TOO!!!! POOR SANTA!!!!!!! LIVE DAMN YOU LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

:P
I suppose this would be a bad idea to tell you about the tooth fairy right now?
*walks away from thread...but not to never return...it's too fucking funny and interesting*
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Post by Anarchist Bunny »

The Easter bunny is real, I use to go out with the bitch, then she got fat and lazy and I dumped her massive ass.
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Post by Shinova »

anarchistbunny wrote:The Easter bunny is real, I use to go out with the bitch, then she got fat and lazy and I dumped her massive ass.
Former girlfriend :?: :?:
What's her bust size!?

It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Raxmei »

Isn't Bun-bun the Easter bunny now?
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Post by Raptor 597 »

*Makes a note too pop in a porn tape because this thread is so funny* What too much on the info? :P
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Post by aerius »

33. People can't fuck unless there's really cheesy music playing
34. Lesbians are incredibly hot and have big tits
35. Women don't wear underwear

I'd list some rules relating to illegal porn, but that might not be in good taste.
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Post by Stormbringer »

aerius wrote: I'd list some rules relating to illegal porn, but that might not be in good taste.
Go ahead anyway. Not many people give a damn about what's tasteful.
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Post by haas mark »

Ditto that. Remember, we had an entire THREAD dedicated to Anal sex, and then the Poppins/Trinity thread...
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Post by Stormbringer »

verilon wrote:Ditto that. Remember, we had an entire THREAD dedicated to Anal sex, and then the Poppins/Trinity thread...
And the drool over Kelly thread!
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Post by haas mark »

I wasn't here for that one...oh wait, that's the one where Sylvar Fyre into'd herself...right?
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Post by Stormbringer »

verilon wrote:I wasn't here for that one...oh wait, that's the one where Sylvar Fyre into'd herself...right?
No, it's the Guri vs Data thread. It turned into a drool over Kelly Antilles thread.
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Post by XaLEv »

verilon wrote:I wasn't here for that one...oh wait, that's the one where Sylvar Fyre into'd herself...right?
Nah. I think he's talking abou this: http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=4175
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Post by haas mark »

yeh. I haven't had a chance to actually read that one yet.
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Post by XaLEv »

Not that there is anything wrong with drooling over Kelly.
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Post by haas mark »

per se.
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Post by Stormbringer »

XaLEv wrote:Not that there is anything wrong with drooling over Kelly.
No, in fact it's a healthy and enjoyable pass time!
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Post by RayCav of ASVS »

anything pretaining to anything even remotely pretaining to women or sex always gets my attention :D
::sig removed because it STILL offended Kelly. Hey, it's not my fault that I thing Wedge is a::

Kelly: SHUT UP ALREADY!
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