My home was invaded this morning. (LONG)

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2004-04-12 08:39pm

I wake up this morning and hear a squeaking sound coming from the garage. The first time I find nothing, but the second time I hear it I find a squirrel sitting on the bars of the (closed) window. We have squirrels in our attic, but how this one got down here, I have no idea. I realized that if I let it out, it will just come back in. Despite being cute and cuddly (except if you try to hold one), squirrels are very destructive. I didn't enjoy doing what I had to do, even more so because I just could not give it the quick humane death I wanted to.

I found an angle weeder, which has a reach long enough to keep my hands away form its sharp teeth, and went after it. It hid behind several boxes, and I kept jostling the boxes to try to get it to come out, but it was too fast and the shelves made it awkward to stick my weapon in. It growled at me from behind the boxes, so I slammed them against the wall. That appears to be the point where the squirrel received its first injury. It ran across the garage and under an old treadmill, leaving it's tail sticking out. And tried moving the treadmill around to hopefully pin or crush it, but it got out and ran across the room.

I decided I needed reinforcements, so I let my dog in, who was baffled at first, seeing as how she is not normally allowed in the garage. But when she heard the growling, you could not keep her away. Unfortunately, the squirrel's small size gave it an advantage, and I realized I was going to have to let it out of the garage and into the house where it wold have fewer hiding places.

There are 5 rooms downstairs: the family room, my bedroom, the bathroom, the garage, and the large room that connects them all together. The large room was where I planned to finish this. The squirrel ran into the bathroom first, and made two attempts to jump into an open cabinet before my dog was on it, understandably ignoring the "no dog in bathrooms" rule. The squirrel started squealing, and my dog happily shook it in her mouth. But it escaped, and ran past me.

As it did this, not knowing what else to do, I kicked the little shit like a football, causing it to bounce off o fthe ceiling- and land on top of my open bedroom door. Vowing that it would not enter my bedroom, I leapt at the door and kicked it shut- which wsa met with a screech of pain, as I realized I had broken one of the squirrel's legs in the door. The thing jumped down, and my dog caught it again, really working it over. As I watched her do this, I said repeatedly "Good girl!" so she would understand this was a good thing (she has killed squirrels before and left them by the back door. With all of the trouble they cause us, a little help is greatly appreciated) I grabbed the weed angler, and told my dog to come here so she could let it go and let me finish it oiff. She only heard "Come here," and dropped the squirrel and came bounding happily up to me.

But the squirrel was still, its mouth wide open, its legs spread slackly. It was dead.

Or so I thought, until it hopped up back onto its feet ten seconds later, and took off for the bathroom.

The weed angler was years old, rusted, and not really that sharp anymore. So I had to use it more as a club. But the toilet in the bathroom does not workd properly, so I have the lid propped up between the wall and the toilet since I have been tryin to fix it- and the squirrel was hiding between the the porcelain toilet lid and the wall.

Believing that this would bring a swift end to the debacle, and grabbed the toilet lid, and slammed it down onto the squirrel- and was met only with more screeches and thrashing. Another, harder blow only gave more of the smae. Finally, it curled up in a corner, and seemed to be still.

I poked at it with the angler, and its eye sshot open, and its mouth opened wide in another scream. Desperate to end its suffering and those terrible cries, I slammed the flat end onto the squirrel over and over again until the thrashing stopped.

So when I had enogh of that, I pulled the squirrel out form behind the toilet with the angler, and it was finally dead, its beady eyes starting widely at nothing at all. As I pulled it out, its broken leg flopped over. Under closer inspection, part of its left side looked a little caved in.

Not taking any chances with the seeming Michael Myers of squirrels, I picked it up in a plastic bag, dropped it into another plastic bag, and tied it tight.

This afternoon, when I got home, I started wondering if it had been a male or a female. So I dig the bag out of the trash, open it up, and find-

-its tongue hanging by a piece of flesh out of its mouth. I didn't do that- its tongue had been sticking out, but it hadn't been torn up. So evidently, the squirrel had enough life in it to chew its tongue off as it suffocated in the plsatic bag.

And I decided that if ths ever happened again, to just let my dog handle it. She may not care about being humane, but she's still better at giving a quick death than me.

Here's my dog, btw (remove the space between //and freespace):

http:// freespace.virgin.net/alex.collingridge/beearl.jpg

Darth Raptor · Post by **Darth Raptor** » 2004-04-12 08:48pm

The Undead Squirrel of Doom will return to exact vengeance on you! And your little dog too!

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2004-04-12 08:49pm

Thats why my kind joined up with the squirrels. Nothing can stop the Bunny-Squirrel Combine.

Darth Raptor · Post by **Darth Raptor** » 2004-04-12 08:55pm

Anarchist Bunny wrote:Thats why my kind joined up with the squirrels. Nothing can stop the Bunny-Squirrel Combine.

The Red Mage-Dinosaur Combine doesn't think they're worth the effort.

And rabbits aren't rodents, BTW.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2004-04-12 08:58pm

Jesus Christ. Next time just shoot the goddamn thing.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2004-04-12 09:09pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Jesus Christ. Next time just shoot the goddamn thing.

Inside the house when I don't even own any guns?

SecondStorm · Post by **SecondStorm** » 2004-04-12 09:38pm

Poor squirrel

.

But what could you do?

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-04-12 09:43pm

Good fight. You did what you could to terminate the thing, but it insisted on forcing the issue.

I suggest you invest in more lethal and effective weaponry, like a Beeman Air Rifle (.177 or .22 your choice) with hollowpoint pellets. Happy Hunting.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-04-12 09:44pm

I'm calling PETA.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2004-04-12 09:46pm

darthdavid wrote:I'm calling PETA.

Be quiet you PETA sympatizer

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2004-04-12 10:01pm

I could not have done it.

Poor squirrel.

I have a weakness for small mammals.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-12 10:25pm

So let me get this straight ... you went after it with a weed whacker? If you're that concerned with squirrel invasions, buy a damn gun, at least.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2004-04-12 10:38pm

The angler was the only thing long enough and thin enough to get it on the shelf.

This is the first time this has ever happened.

BTW- I live in a residential area. You really think I should start blasting away when I have neighbors at all sides?

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2004-04-12 11:20pm

With the way you went about handling that I think you can be charged with animal cruelty .

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-12 11:56pm

Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:The angler was the only thing long enough and thin enough to get it on the shelf.

This is the first time this has ever happened.

BTW- I live in a residential area. You really think I should start blasting away when I have neighbors at all sides?

Get a BB gun. It'll get the point across without mercilessly slaughtering the thing and waking the neighbors up. What you did was simply unnecessary cruelty to an animal.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2004-04-13 12:01am

Durandal wrote:
Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:The angler was the only thing long enough and thin enough to get it on the shelf.

This is the first time this has ever happened.

BTW- I live in a residential area. You really think I should start blasting away when I have neighbors at all sides?
Get a BB gun. It'll get the point across without mercilessly slaughtering the thing and waking the neighbors up. What you did was simply unnecessary cruelty to an animal.

I suppose you're right; I was unprepared for this, and had to use what I had at hand. I hated killing it, and I hated even more the fact that I could not kill it quickly. Now that I know that this is something likely to happen, I'll get my old BB gun from my dad.

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » 2004-04-13 01:39am

God damnit, I feel for the poor squirrel.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2004-04-13 01:43am

If I had to kill a squirrel in my home, I'd have used my blowgun.

BTW, didn't that thing bleed at all after being so thoroughly thrashed?

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-04-13 01:45am

Get some traps and poison.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-04-13 02:19am

Durandal wrote:Get a BB gun. It'll get the point across without mercilessly slaughtering the thing and waking the neighbors up. What you did was simply unnecessary cruelty to an animal.

You would have him do what instead?

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-04-13 02:24am

He could have always caught and ate it. You know skinning a squirrel's like peeling a banana.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-13 03:36am

Well, apart from the fact that you apparently need to work on your ability to quickly kill small rodents, you did about the only thing you could do.
Your basic options were to:
1. Let a potentially rabid squirrel take up residence in your house
2. Attempt to kill the thing, then have a injured, pissed off potentially rabid squirrel taking up residence in your house
3. Engage in what would have been a massive exercise in overkill against anything less than Arnold Squirrelenager, but make damned sure the unholy hellspawn was dead.

I will fault your decision to set your dog on the animal, simply because you don't know what messed up garbage is in that squirrel's system, and what effect it might have on your pet.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2004-04-13 03:54am

Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:I wake up this morning and hear a squeaking sound coming from the garage. The first time I find nothing, but the second time I hear it I find a squirrel sitting on the bars of the (closed) window. We have squirrels in our attic, but how this one got down here, I have no idea. I realized that if I let it out, it will just come back in. Despite being cute and cuddly (except if you try to hold one), squirrels are very destructive. I didn't enjoy doing what I had to do, even more so because I just could not give it the quick humane death I wanted to

Why? We've got squirrels around our house and yard for decades, they've never caused any damage whatsoever to any of our property.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-13 09:26am

Howedar wrote:
Durandal wrote:Get a BB gun. It'll get the point across without mercilessly slaughtering the thing and waking the neighbors up. What you did was simply unnecessary cruelty to an animal.
You would have him do what instead?

Shoo the thing back outside for starters. Then buy a BB gun in case it comes back. Going after it with a weed whacker, kicking it, slamming a door on it, bludgeoning it with a toilet lid and then bashing it with a weed whacker wasn't a good solution by any stretch of the imagination.

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-04-13 11:56am

That's just gross. And this is coming from a guy who liked to electrocute moths when he was younger.

Most BB guns I've seen suck- for a guranteed kill- go pellet gun. But do it outside.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

My home was invaded this morning. (LONG)

My home was invaded this morning. (LONG)

Re: My home was invaded this morning. (LONG)