213 things you can't do in the military.

Ma Deuce · Post by **Ma Deuce** » 2004-04-25 11:17pm

Linky

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-25 11:25pm

Ma Deuce wrote:Linky

Been posted , by me in fact.

Still hilarious.

Ma Deuce · Post by **Ma Deuce** » 2004-04-25 11:29pm

consequences wrote:Been posted ,by me in fact.
Still hilarious.

Hmm, I didn't find it in a search. Maybe it went off to the archive board

. Or maybe I just used the wrong keywords...

Deathstalker · Post by **Deathstalker** » 2004-04-25 11:30pm

Skippy Lives!

Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

This is my favorite because of something that happened to me while I was in the Army.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2004-04-25 11:31pm

I still wantto be a satanist chaplain

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2004-04-25 11:34pm

Flux capacitor? Hah!

Ma Deuce · Post by **Ma Deuce** » 2004-04-25 11:39pm

My favorite was "Never call an SAS a 'Wanker'"

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2004-04-25 11:40pm

33.Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34.(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

I always wanted to do this.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2004-04-25 11:40pm

Oh dear lord, that's hilarious.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-04-26 12:42am

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'

It's great when they're in sequence like that.

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2004-04-26 12:52am

Enforcer Talen wrote:I still wantto be a satanist chaplain

There's a Wiccan one who wears a pentagram.

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2004-04-26 12:55am

I liked the Chem-Light batteries. In the Navy it was batteries for the sound powered phone, bulkhead remover, and gig lines (your gig line being that formed by your fly, belt buckle, and the opening on your shirt).

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-04-26 12:56am

It is hillarous. My favorite one is this

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-r

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-26 01:03am

Ma Deuce wrote:
consequences wrote:Been posted ,by me in fact.
Still hilarious.
Hmm, I didn't find it in a search. Maybe it went off to the archive board . Or maybe I just used the wrong keywords...

Oh, its definitely in the archive by now, but notice the line in my sig.

I've seen a guy asked where the flux capacitor on a HMMWV was in driver's academy, he was the only one in the vehicle who didn't get it, even though we were all cracking up.

Personally, I've always wanted to come up with a training aid claymore, that was basically a spring-loaded box filled with yummy treats, just to abuse that one rule to the fullest.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2004-04-26 01:09am

I've gotten away with seven

7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2004-04-26 01:49am

Must not taunt the French any more.

Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.

Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'

Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

And a personal fave:

The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

Here's one for here:

I am not the atheist chaplain.

EDIT: Silly enter key. Ok, the last of my faves:

'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.

An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.

An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.

The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2004-04-26 02:06am

And thanks to the Marine Corps for supplying the "Napalm Sticks to Kids" cadence:

Napalm sticks to kids like glue
Sticks to moms and daddies too
Throw some candy in the schoolyard
Watch the kiddies gather round
Lock and load your M-16 now
Mow the little fuckers down

I don't remember the rest...

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-04-26 02:34am

Metrion Cascade wrote:And thanks to the Marine Corps for supplying the "Napalm Sticks to Kids" cadence:

Napalm sticks to kids like glue
Sticks to moms and daddies too
Throw some candy in the schoolyard
Watch the kiddies gather round
Lock and load your M-16 now
Mow the little fuckers down

I don't remember the rest...

AHEM:

Shouting ‘‘Let’’s do the village! Let’’s do the whole fucking village!’’ while out on a mission is bad.

So, did this guy actually TRY to build a giant battle robot out of humvees?

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-26 02:41am

CaptainChewbacca wrote:

So, did this guy actually TRY to build a giant battle robot out of humvees?

No, but he probably suggested forming Mega Humvee Zord to his superiors in response to them asking him to do something. At least that's what I did.

'Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad', sigh, that takes me back.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-04-26 02:41am

You know, I'd really like to know what this guy's job actually WAS. Was he psy-ops or something?

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-04-26 03:11am

A few of those are ancient. I doubt this was all tried by one guy.

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2004-04-26 07:25am

Metrion Cascade wrote:And thanks to the Marine Corps for supplying the "Napalm Sticks to Kids" cadence:

Napalm sticks to kids like glue
Sticks to moms and daddies too
Throw some candy in the schoolyard
Watch the kiddies gather round
Lock and load your M-16 now
Mow the little fuckers down

I don't remember the rest...

The song is familar.

Too bad I never actually taught that song to my platoon during BMT.

My favourite

'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

Edit: Here's my own personal one.
It is an military offence to contract malaria.

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-04-26 10:30am

Ma Deuce wrote:
consequences wrote:Been posted ,by me in fact.
Still hilarious.
Hmm, I didn't find it in a search. Maybe it went off to the archive board . Or maybe I just used the wrong keywords...

it's been linked to under its actual website before, not this particular URL. Unfortunately the original website, skippyslist.com seems to be not working.

Oni Koneko Damien · Post by **Oni Koneko Damien** » 2004-04-26 11:18am

Darth_Zod wrote:it's been linked to under its actual website before, not this particular URL. Unfortunately the original website, skippyslist.com seems to be not working.

Well, that's explained in the header of this website:

...He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it....

Anyways, in relation to the 'draft' thread, if the unlikely occurs and I do get drafted, I'm printing out the list and seeing how many things on it I can do before getting discharged/killed.

My favorites:

58: The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

87: If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

-Damien

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-04-26 11:46am

Metrion Cascade wrote:And thanks to the Marine Corps for supplying the "Napalm Sticks to Kids" cadence:

Napalm sticks to kids like glue
Sticks to moms and daddies too
Throw some candy in the schoolyard
Watch the kiddies gather round
Lock and load your M-16 now
Mow the little fuckers down

I don't remember the rest...

Thats actually two cadences. There is a shit load of verse that is only a couple lines each that you can string together in any order that makes you happy.

Any way, Lock and Load my .50 calibur is how we sang it.

I've always like the;

A little yellow birdy with a little yellow bill

Landed on my window sill

I lured him in with a piece of bread

AND then I SMASHED his FUCKING HEAD

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

213 things you can't do in the military.

213 things you can't do in the military.

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