Stewie vs Cartman

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-06-03 11:35pm

The Griffon's move into South Park and Cartman being the asshole he is pisses off Stewie. Naturally they both wind up as mortal enemies.

So who wins?

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-06-03 11:37pm

I'd say Cartman.

Stewies plans often tend to fail.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-06-03 11:53pm

I know only one thing. Sure as the tides there will be 2 loosers from this. Kenny and Tokyo.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-06-03 11:57pm

Two words: Scott Tenorman.

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2004-06-04 12:02am

I'll say Stewie, I mean even Stewie and fuck up cyanide in the Chezzy Puffs. Although Kenny would probably end up eating them first...

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2004-06-04 12:08am

Cartman tricks Stewie into eating Peter, and Lois. After Stewie finds out what he just ate, he doesn't care, and is rather pleased, leading to an alliance between Cartman, and himself. South Park soon falls, followed by the world.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-06-04 12:08am

Stewie would lose, but so would Cartman.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-06-04 01:48am

Joe wrote:Two words: Scott Tenorman.

Beat me to it.

Five words: Made you eat your parents.

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2004-06-04 03:12am

Oh mark my words, it's an even match. Stewie has the intelligence, just not the physical or age edge. Cartman on the other hand does have the edge in weight and age as well as above-average intelligence that, alas for him, rarely works.

Eric you pudgy-faced applejohn!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-06-04 03:33am

Actually, it depends on whose show this occurs on... after all Stewie HAS killed/defeated for all practical purpose people before... but Cartman has the advantage while in the South Park-verse.

Just because they move to South Park, doesn't mean it's a SP episode. Remember, this is Family Guy we're dealing with: nothing is too off-beat.

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2004-06-04 03:38am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:Actually, it depends on whose show this occurs on... after all Stewie HAS killed/defeated for all practical purpose people before... but Cartman has the advantage while in the South Park-verse.

Just because they move to South Park, doesn't mean it's a SP episode. Remember, this is Family Guy we're dealing with: nothing is too off-beat.

Yeah, like the dream from Brian and Lois where in the teaser Stewie meets Mr. Rodgers. My, oh my, that was brilliant and equally sick at the same time.

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2004-06-04 03:39am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:Actually, it depends on whose show this occurs on... after all Stewie HAS killed/defeated for all practical purpose people before... but Cartman has the advantage while in the South Park-verse.

Just because they move to South Park, doesn't mean it's a SP episode. Remember, this is Family Guy we're dealing with: nothing is too off-beat.

Yeah, like the dream from Brian and Lois where in the teaser Stewie meets Mr. Rodgers. My, oh my, that was brilliant and equally sick at the same time.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-06-04 03:50am

That almost deserved a double-post.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-06-04 04:14am

Howedar wrote:
Joe wrote:Two words: Scott Tenorman.
Beat me to it.

Five words: Made you eat your parents.

Four words: The Man in White.

Honestly, Stewie does have a decent record for being successful, he just can't kill Lois (although you do get the impression that he doesn't really want to). Plus, Stewie does have the firepower advantage

.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2004-06-04 04:28am

But let's not forget Cartman's ability to manipulate, and rally people to serve his cause. Like when he started his own religion, took over half of SP after the "Before times" and when he tried to exterminate the Jews.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2004-06-04 04:59am

Stewie has what? A vast arsenal, weather control technology, a mind control device, at least one heavily armed ship complete with size reducing capability and Majel Barret's voice, martial arts abilities, a fine singing voice, the stated ability to leave a "time bomb" ticking in Lois' womb, and all this from a one year old infant.

Cartman has what? Evil, internet access, and body mass on his side?

Cartman loses, and gruesomely.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2004-06-04 05:05am

KhyronTheBackstabber wrote:But let's not forget Cartman's ability to manipulate, and rally people to serve his cause. Like when he started his own religion, took over half of SP after the "Before times" and when he tried to exterminate the Jews.

Dont forgot the second civil war where he almost conquered the USA with a drunken posse

Its a tough battle. Stewie got vast firepower (but will probably ricochet to Kenny first) + the ability to build doomsday devices

Cartman seems a lot weaker but who knows he can persuade to fight on his side.

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2004-06-04 05:17am

Frank Hipper wrote:
Cartman has what? Evil, internet access, and body mass on his side?

Cartman loses, and gruesomely.

Yes, but don't forget Traper-Keeper.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2004-06-04 06:54am

Oh, come on. Do we forget that Stewie actually killed Lois, but it was foiled by Death's sprained ankle, which was in no way his own fault? Or that he packs an enormous arsenal of technological death? Do we forget the epic duel with the Man in White?

Cartman's fat ass is fried.

SecondStorm · Post by **SecondStorm** » 2004-06-04 08:20am

Cartman is a pussy that keeps getting beat up by other kids.

Stewie have energy weapons.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-06-04 09:52am

Stormbringer wrote:The Griffon's move into South Park and Cartman being the asshole he is pisses off Stewie. Naturally they both wind up as mortal enemies.

So who wins?

Does Cartman have all the superhuman script-writing capabilities of the Awsom-O 4000?

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-06-04 10:52am

Durandal wrote: Does Cartman have all the superhuman script-writing capabilities of the Awsom-O 4000?

What good would that do unless Cartman wanted to kill Stewie in such a way that involved Adam Sandler?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-06-04 11:01am

Have you watched Adam Sandler's movies?

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-06-04 11:03am

Durandal wrote:Have you watched Adam Sandler's movies?

Sure a few of them. Big Daddy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and of course Punch-Drunk Love (not really an Adam Sandler movie). The only person I remember dying was Chubs from Happy Gilmore, and he fell out of a window. How are any of these plots supposed to give Cartman insight into how to creatively dispose of Stewie?

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2004-06-04 11:13am

The Kernel wrote:
Durandal wrote:Have you watched Adam Sandler's movies?
Sure a few of them. Big Daddy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and of course Punch-Drunk Love (not really an Adam Sandler movie). The only person I remember dying was Chubs from Happy Gilmore, and he fell out of a window. How are any of these plots supposed to give Cartman insight into how to creatively dispose of Stewie?

He was saying that you are likely to die from watching one of Adam Sandler's movies, and implying that they're horrible pieces of crap.

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