StarDestroyer.Net BBS

South Carolina has sent special forces to Afghanistan
to root out the remaining Taliban and find Osama.
The team consist of 5 men, Billy Ray, Billy Bob, Bubba, Wayne and Leroy.

They are being sent in with the following information:
1. There is no limit.
2. The season opened last weekend.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music, or Jesus.
5. Some are gay.
6. They don't like barbecue.
7. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.

Should be over in just about a week.

An Infantryman, up to his knees in mud, a 100-lb pack on his back, rain pouring down. His comment, "I really hate this!"

A Special Forces Trooper, up to his waist in a swamp, a snake in each hand, and rain pouring down. His comment, "I hate to see this end!"

An Army Ranger, up to his neck in a swamp, alligators in each hand, rain pouring down. His comment, "I hate that it can't get better than this!"

AN Airman in his easy chair, clicking on his remote. "I really hate this! The cable's out!"

"I love a good Marine"

Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer President and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton; I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir, have a good day!"

A Preacher, Priest and Rabbi went fishing one day. They'd gotten the boat into an ideal position when suddenly the Preacher exclaimed, "Oh, dear, we forgot the worms." He promptly jumps out of the boat, dashes back to shore, grabs the can of worms, runs back and gets into the boat, sharing the bait with his companions. A bit later the Priest realizes they've only brought one net and it's got a large hole. "I'll get a spare," he says, and he too climbs out of the boat, trots to shore, gets the net and returns. After a while they're fishing comfortably, and the Preacher realizes they forgot the cooler. "I'll get it," the Rabbi exclaims, and on jumping out of the boat sinks with a splash into the depths of the lake. The Priest, turning to the Preacher, says,

"Do you suppose we should tell him where the rocks are?"

So, one day, a _Polack_ is walking along the beach, and finds a lamp. He takes it home to clean it, and, sure enough, out pops a genie.
"You have released me from the lamp, so I must grant you three wishes!" booms the genie. The Polack sits down, chin in hand, pondering for a while, then replies "I wish for the Mongol hordes to invade Poland."
The genie is stunned, and tries to talk him out of it. "Perhaps you don't understand ... I can grant you limitless wealth, all the women you could desire, the largest stable in the world .."
The Polack interrupts "It is within your power? Then I wish the Mongol hordes to invade Poland!"
Sighing at the obvious determination of his new master, the genie answers "Your wish is my command!" snaps his fingers, and disappears back into the lamp.
A couple of weeks later, riding from the east, come hordes of Mongols mounted on horseback. The pillage, rape, destroy, loot, and generally cause a lot of trouble. And, a few weeks later, they move out, riding back into the east.
A year later, the Polack takes the lamp from the shelf, and rubs it again. The genie appears, and asks "What is your second wish, master?" The Polack, true to form, replies "I wish for the Mongol hordes to invade Poland." The genie shakes his head in dismay, but, rather than deal with the legendary determination of the Poles, snaps his fingers, mutters "Your wish is my command!", and disappears back into the lamp.
Sure enough, a few weeks later, the Mongol hordes arrive again. Many of the building are still in a state of repair, but they are burnt again. Pillaging, looting, same old thing, and just over a week later, the hordes gather, and ride back to the steppes.
A year passes, and the genie finds himself summoned again. "Wait! Let me guess! You wish for the Mongol hordes to invade Poland?" The Polack nods with a satisfied grin, "Yes, that is my third wish!" "Very well," the genie replies, "Your wish is my command!", snaps his fingers, and disappears back into the bottle.
A couple of weeks later, the Mongols arrive again. Poland is left in flames; women taken by fur-clad riders, never to be seen again; and hardly anything of value is left. And, after a short week, the Mongols ride off into the sunrise.
The genie, now freed from his servitude, appears before the Polack. "You must tell me, before I leave, why? You could have had fame, wealth and fortune. You could have asked for a million, million things better than this, but you asked for this hideous thing. Why, _why_ did you wish, not once, but three times, for the Mongol hordes to invade Poland?"

The Polack smiled knowingly. "Ah, but you see, they had to ride across Russia six times!"

*Shakes head*

Shameless, shameless...

Posting in your own thread like that!