Signs that you're a computer newbie

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2002-11-23 06:48pm

Signs that you're a computer newbie:

1) You think overclocking your CPU is setting your clock two hours ahead.

2) You wonder why AOL keeps sending you these silvery coasters.

3) You broke your CD-ROM Cup-holder

4) You e-mail someone then imediately phone them up to tell them you've e-mailed.

5) You giggle whenever someone says "joystick".

6) You wash your keyboard with soapy water.

7) While still connected to the computer.

8. You pull out your keys on your keyboard then re-arange them so that their in alphabetical order.

9) You use AOL.

10) You try to use your computer's hand held scanner on household items to see what their made of.

11) You're afraid to touch your mouse for fear of rabbies.

12) You try to hook up your big-screen television to your computer.

13) If you use AOL, you try to open up your computer to find the little man who tells when you've got mail.

14) You go to the post office to try to get stamps for your e-mail.

15) You want to get the internet in book form.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-23 06:49pm

you forgot a joke about the 'any' key! But the list was still worth a chuckle..

Mike_6002 · Post by **Mike_6002** » 2002-11-23 06:51pm

[newbie] <looks for the 'any' key>, where is it.....[\newbie]

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2002-11-23 06:51pm

The idea is to add on to it.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-11-23 07:12pm

15) To you shutting down means pulling the plug

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-23 07:16pm

16) You think of bicycle tire fixes when someone says "patch"

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-23 07:31pm

17. You hear "You've got mail" and go outside to the mail box.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-23 07:32pm

18. When your friend says that he's gotta empty the trash you offer to help.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-23 07:36pm

Those are good

19. When you think your computer is hot because the firewall is acting up.

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2002-11-23 07:58pm

Thought I'd post a few more:

20) You buy a $5000 labtop computer just to play solitaire on the airplane.

21) You think Windows is the greatest thing.

22) While trying to clear up hard-drive space, you delete everything in your Windows folder "because you never use all the junk in there" (happened to a friend of mine).

23) You feel dirty whenever you use your joystick.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-23 08:02pm

(Reference to the Simpsons)

24) You think the tab key dispenses a coke of some sort.

25) You open up the comp to see what's wrong when you don't get one.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-11-23 08:15pm

(from Zoolander)

26. You think that you can rip off the top of your computer to get to the files.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-23 08:16pm

(also from Zoolander)

27) Yo throw the computer down to its doom to get the hidden files inside it.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-11-23 08:20pm

28 ) You wonder who Mat is and what the computer is trying to give her.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-23 08:44pm

29: You're amazed that they have the Internet on computers nowadays.

30: When the computer tells you to close all the windows before shutting down, you go around the house and shut all of the windows. When it does nothing, you call tech support.

31: You try to send E-mail by writing a letter, putting it in the floppy disk slot, and clicking "send mail" (there was someone who tried doing that).

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-23 08:47pm

32. Images of an axe-murderer spring to mind whenever someone says he's a hacker.
33. Images of Jason spring to mind when he syas he's a l33t hax0r.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-23 09:29pm

34. They have Internet on Computers these days?

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-23 09:31pm

Next of Kin wrote:34. They have Internet on Computers these days?

That one was already stated.

35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2002-11-23 10:27pm

Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-23 10:29pm

SirNitram wrote:Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

I believe that one has also been mentioned...

36) White-out on the screen (this goes for blondes and moms for the most part, too)

37) Trying to use the floppy drive as a toaster.

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2002-11-23 10:36pm

SirNitram wrote:Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

I was out of ideas.

38. You tried to turn yourself in to the police when you got the message "this program has performed a illegal operation"

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2002-11-23 11:45pm

verilon wrote: 35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...

Assholes OnLine.

Post by **weemadando** » 2002-11-24 12:04am

verilon wrote: 37) Trying to use the floppy drive as a toaster.

Get yourself an old 286/386 box, with minimal fans etc.
Then use the 5.25" drive to heat poptarts.

I saw one case-modded comp that had a perfectly sealed drive bay that has all the hot air blowing onto it from internal case fans. The guy was using it to heat pies at LANs before eating them...

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-11-24 12:14am

Enlightenment wrote:
verilon wrote: 35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...
Assholes OnLine.

People people, AOHell is all that and more.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-24 03:50pm

The only good thing about AOL are tohse mulipurpose things they give you in the mail. They have many uses

1: coaster
2: frisbee
3: clay pigeon
4: blunt object to throw at door-to-door salesmen
5: mirror
6: plate to put your pop-tar on after you heated it in the floppy drive

Back on topic:

38: When you're told it "insert floppy in drive A", you cringe and begin to unzip your fly.