StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Signs that you're a computer newbie:

1) You think overclocking your CPU is setting your clock two hours ahead.

2) You wonder why AOL keeps sending you these silvery coasters.

3) You broke your CD-ROM Cup-holder

4) You e-mail someone then imediately phone them up to tell them you've e-mailed.

5) You giggle whenever someone says "joystick".

6) You wash your keyboard with soapy water.

7) While still connected to the computer.

8. You pull out your keys on your keyboard then re-arange them so that their in alphabetical order.

9) You use AOL.

10) You try to use your computer's hand held scanner on household items to see what their made of.

11) You're afraid to touch your mouse for fear of rabbies.

12) You try to hook up your big-screen television to your computer.

13) If you use AOL, you try to open up your computer to find the little man who tells when you've got mail.

14) You go to the post office to try to get stamps for your e-mail.

15) You want to get the internet in book form.

you forgot a joke about the 'any' key! But the list was still worth a chuckle..

[newbie] <looks for the 'any' key>, where is it.....[\newbie]

The idea is to add on to it.

15) To you shutting down means pulling the plug

16) You think of bicycle tire fixes when someone says "patch"

17. You hear "You've got mail" and go outside to the mail box.

18. When your friend says that he's gotta empty the trash you offer to help.

Those are good

19. When you think your computer is hot because the firewall is acting up.

Thought I'd post a few more:

20) You buy a $5000 labtop computer just to play solitaire on the airplane.

21) You think Windows is the greatest thing.

22) While trying to clear up hard-drive space, you delete everything in your Windows folder "because you never use all the junk in there" (happened to a friend of mine).

23) You feel dirty whenever you use your joystick.

(Reference to the Simpsons)

24) You think the tab key dispenses a coke of some sort.

25) You open up the comp to see what's wrong when you don't get one.

(from Zoolander)

26. You think that you can rip off the top of your computer to get to the files.

(also from Zoolander)

27) Yo throw the computer down to its doom to get the hidden files inside it.

28 ) You wonder who Mat is and what the computer is trying to give her.

29: You're amazed that they have the Internet on computers nowadays.

30: When the computer tells you to close all the windows before shutting down, you go around the house and shut all of the windows. When it does nothing, you call tech support.

31: You try to send E-mail by writing a letter, putting it in the floppy disk slot, and clicking "send mail" (there was someone who tried doing that).

32. Images of an axe-murderer spring to mind whenever someone says he's a hacker.
33. Images of Jason spring to mind when he syas he's a l33t hax0r.

34. They have Internet on Computers these days?

Next of Kin wrote:34. They have Internet on Computers these days?

That one was already stated.

35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...

Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

SirNitram wrote:Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

I believe that one has also been mentioned...

36) White-out on the screen (this goes for blondes and moms for the most part, too)

37) Trying to use the floppy drive as a toaster.

SirNitram wrote:Should I mention I know someone whose wired a big-screen TV into his computer?

Very good for making screenshots...

I was out of ideas.

38. You tried to turn yourself in to the police when you got the message "this program has performed a illegal operation"

verilon wrote: 35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...

Assholes OnLine.

verilon wrote: 37) Trying to use the floppy drive as a toaster.

Get yourself an old 286/386 box, with minimal fans etc.
Then use the 5.25" drive to heat poptarts.

I saw one case-modded comp that had a perfectly sealed drive bay that has all the hot air blowing onto it from internal case fans. The guy was using it to heat pies at LANs before eating them...

Enlightenment wrote:

verilon wrote: 35) AOL means America OnLine.

All us vets know it means America OffLine...

Assholes OnLine.

People people, AOHell is all that and more.

The only good thing about AOL are tohse mulipurpose things they give you in the mail. They have many uses

1: coaster
2: frisbee
3: clay pigeon
4: blunt object to throw at door-to-door salesmen
5: mirror
6: plate to put your pop-tar on after you heated it in the floppy drive

Back on topic:

38: When you're told it "insert floppy in drive A", you cringe and begin to unzip your fly.