Funny quotes

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2002-12-07 12:31am

Post your favorite amusing quotes.

I'll start.

"Creationists make it sound as though a theory is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night."
-- Isaac Asimov

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2002-12-07 12:34am

"Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." - H.L. Mencken

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-12-07 12:35am

"Spock, this CHILD is about to wipe out life on Earth! What do you suggest we do, spank it?" -Bones, TMP

"I've got a bad feeling about this." -various SW people.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-12-07 12:35am

This quote was from a LONG time ago:

The survey was from a LONG time ago. How long ago, I don't know. Even my source doesn't know. And I do admit that everything I've been saying has been misleading

Pu-239 · Post by **Pu-239** » 2002-12-07 12:36am

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2002-12-07 12:38am

"If I wanted any of your lip I'd unzip my pants."

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2002-12-07 12:43am

If I wanted the comeback I'd scrape the roof of your mouth.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-12-07 12:45am

'Translator, translator. What is the opposite of Viva le' France?' ~ Winston Churchill

Said during and Anglo-French summit when Charles deGaul was fustrating the fuck out of him. Priceless.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2002-12-07 12:49am

"He is like a duck that has been hit in the head."

-Abraham Lincoln, referring to General Rosencurtz.

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2002-12-07 12:52am

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers." - Randall, Clerks

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2002-12-07 12:53am

"The only problem with multiplayer games is that you have to play them with other people." Gabe from Penny Arcade

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-12-07 12:55am

"General Hooker's primary problem is that he has his headquarters where his hindquarters are."

-Abraham Lincoln

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2002-12-07 01:33am

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." -Abraham Lincoln

"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

"Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash."

"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result"

Above quotes from Winston Churchill.

"I like to quote myself. It adds spice to the conversation." -A school mate.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2002-12-07 01:39am

Pu-239 wrote:Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2002-12-07 01:37pm

"God does not play dice with the universe" - Albert Einstein

"Albert, stop telling God what He can do" - Niels Bohr

"God does not play dice with the universe, but He sure does stack the deck" - me

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2002-12-07 02:10pm

"Spooning...it feels so good doesn't it honey?[looks at husband in audience], but sometimes there's no one to spoon you, and so you have to spoon yourself, and that's when it was like wow, spooning yourself feels even better!" - Chantal Kreviazuk, right before her concert started.

Most of the audience were laughing their asses off, but some people were in complete shock with "OMG, I can't believe she said that" looks on their faces. What the hell is wrong with these people, haven't they heard a hot chick talk about sex before?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 02:31pm

"Ending a sentence with a proposition up with which I will not put" - Winston Churchill

"To get some idea of what it is like being a professional student of evolution, asked to have a serious debate with creationists... (i)magine yourself a classical scholar who has spent a lifetime studying Roman history in all its rich detail. Now somebody comes along...and tries to argue that the Romans never existed." - Richard Dawkins

" 'True wisdom comes from knowing that you know nothing' "
"Dude, that's us!" - Bill and Ted

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-12-07 02:32pm

"We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."

"the Hitler tyranny, the Japanese frenzy and the Mussolini flop."

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

"England would have her neck wrung like a chicken - Some chicken! Some neck!"

All Sir Winston Spencer Churchill.

Zaku-chan · Post by **Zaku-chan** » 2002-12-07 02:53pm

innerbrat wrote:" 'True wisdom comes from knowing that you know nothing' "
"Dude, that's us!" - Bill and Ted

Bill: "Dude, it's Sigmund Frood!"

Bill: "It's Napolean!"
Ted: "Who?"
Bill: "The short, dead dude from History class."

Bill: "Now, if we were a famous french general trapped in modern San Dimas, where would we be?"
Both: "Waterloo!"

Freud: "What is a geek?"

Rufus: (listening to horrible music) "They do get better."

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 03:04pm

Zaku-chan wrote: Bill: "Now, if we were a famous french general trapped in modern San Dimas, where would we be?"
Both: "Waterloo!"

The waterslide park is called Waterlube.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-07 03:07pm

"If we weren't all crazy, we would just go insane"
-Jimmy Buffet.
(Something that may describe ASVS & SD.net, or at least the Monkey's Lair)

The actual quote vs the trinity mis-quote.

If the radiance of a thousand suns
Were to burst at once into the sky
That would be like the splendor of the Mighty one ...
I am become Death,
The shatterer of Worlds.
-The Bhagavad-Gita

"...now I am become Death [Shiva], the destroyer of worlds..."

Physicist Robert Oppenheimer, Supervising Scientist of the Manhattan Project
on 16 July 1945 at 0529 HRS,

Zaku-chan · Post by **Zaku-chan** » 2002-12-07 03:13pm

innerbrat wrote:The waterslide park is called Waterlube.

Huh. Are you sure? I thought it was called Waterloo, to poke fun at Napolean's defeat.

"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." -Einstein.

"Life's a bitch, and then you die." - unknown.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-07 03:16pm

it's in my DVD player now, so I'll check...

Oh yeah. You're right. Bloody wierd Cal accents...

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-07 03:19pm

It's not the ones that make models of D7's that bother me. It's the one's that tape Voyager and call it their "Precious" that are disturbing
-(I know I bungled this badly misquoting)Chuck Sonneburg

Zaku-chan · Post by **Zaku-chan** » 2002-12-07 03:22pm

innerbrat wrote:Oh yeah. You're right. Bloody wierd Cal accents...

Hehehe.

"Is EVERYONE on this board some kind of twisted sexual freak?!"
-Sd.net's own Stormbringer, in the Mary Poppins thread.

"From his head to his boots, he was covered in ammo
Like some big, fat, drunk, disgruntled, Yuletide Rambo."
-Weird Al Yankovic, "The Night Santa Went Crazy"