Humour on the OstFront
Posted: 2002-12-12 10:37pm
One soldier, or more likely a group, produced their own version
of instructions, entitled "Notes for Those Going on Leave." Their
attempt to be funny reveals a great deal about the brutalizing
effects of the Ostfront.
"You must remember that you are entering a National Socialist
country whose living conditions are very different to those
to which you have become accustomed. You must be tactful with the
inhabitants, adapting to their customs and refrain from the habits
which you have come to love so much.
Food: Do not rip up the parquet or other kinds of floor, because
potatoes are kept in a different
place.
Curfew: If you forget your key, try to open the door
with the round-shaped object. Only in cases of extreme
urgency use a grenade.
Defence against Partisans: It is not necessary to ask civilians
the password and open fire on receiving an unsatisfactory answer.
Defence against Animals: Dogs with mines attached to them are a special
feature of the Soviet Union. German dogs in the worst cases bite,
but they do not explode. Shooting every dog you see, although
recommended in the Soviet Union, might create a bad impression.
Relations with the Civil Population: In Germany just because
somebody is wearing women's clothes does not necessarily mean
that she is a partisan. But in spite of this, they are dangerous
for anyone on leave from the front.
General: When on leave back in the Fatherland take
care not to talk about the paradise existence in the Soviet Union
in case everybody wants to come here and spoil our idyllic comfort."
******************
Men would pass the long, dark nights thinking of home and
dreaming of leave. Samizdat~/i] discovered by Russian
soldiers on German bodies demonstrates that there were
indeed cynics as well as sentimentalists.
"Christmas", ran one spoof order, "will not take place this
year for the following reasons: Joseph has been called up
for the army; Mary has joined the Red Cross; Baby Jesus
has been sent with other children out into the countryside
(to avoid the bombing); the Three Wise Men could not get
visas because they lacked proof of Aryan origin; there will
be no star because of the blackout; the shepherds have
been made into sentries and the angels have become
Blitzmaedeln (Telephone operators). Only the donkey is
left, and one can't have Christmas with just a donkey."*
* "I do not understand." a Red Army intelligence officer has
written at the bottom of the translation. "Where does this
come from?"
of instructions, entitled "Notes for Those Going on Leave." Their
attempt to be funny reveals a great deal about the brutalizing
effects of the Ostfront.
"You must remember that you are entering a National Socialist
country whose living conditions are very different to those
to which you have become accustomed. You must be tactful with the
inhabitants, adapting to their customs and refrain from the habits
which you have come to love so much.
Food: Do not rip up the parquet or other kinds of floor, because
potatoes are kept in a different
place.
Curfew: If you forget your key, try to open the door
with the round-shaped object. Only in cases of extreme
urgency use a grenade.
Defence against Partisans: It is not necessary to ask civilians
the password and open fire on receiving an unsatisfactory answer.
Defence against Animals: Dogs with mines attached to them are a special
feature of the Soviet Union. German dogs in the worst cases bite,
but they do not explode. Shooting every dog you see, although
recommended in the Soviet Union, might create a bad impression.
Relations with the Civil Population: In Germany just because
somebody is wearing women's clothes does not necessarily mean
that she is a partisan. But in spite of this, they are dangerous
for anyone on leave from the front.
General: When on leave back in the Fatherland take
care not to talk about the paradise existence in the Soviet Union
in case everybody wants to come here and spoil our idyllic comfort."
******************
Men would pass the long, dark nights thinking of home and
dreaming of leave. Samizdat~/i] discovered by Russian
soldiers on German bodies demonstrates that there were
indeed cynics as well as sentimentalists.
"Christmas", ran one spoof order, "will not take place this
year for the following reasons: Joseph has been called up
for the army; Mary has joined the Red Cross; Baby Jesus
has been sent with other children out into the countryside
(to avoid the bombing); the Three Wise Men could not get
visas because they lacked proof of Aryan origin; there will
be no star because of the blackout; the shepherds have
been made into sentries and the angels have become
Blitzmaedeln (Telephone operators). Only the donkey is
left, and one can't have Christmas with just a donkey."*
* "I do not understand." a Red Army intelligence officer has
written at the bottom of the translation. "Where does this
come from?"