StarDestroyer.Net BBS

In the spirit of the other "go back in time" threads, I wish to present upon you the following scenario:

Let us assume that a Transdimensional Being Of Your Choice (TM) one day appeared before you and announced that you have just won a free sightseeing trip back in time - to the year 25 000 B.C., location: the nice wilderness of Europe. Let us also assume that, for whatever reason, you have agreed. The last assumption is that the TBOYC has implanted into you the knowledge of local languages of this time, and that you will not be dropped far from human settlements should you so choose.

With these assumptions in mind, herein lies the question: What do you pack for the trip? You can stay in the past as long as you like (yes, even indefinitely), but can only take with you what you can stuff into a backpack or otherwise carry with yourself. By "you" I mean "you" - as in, right now - so you probably won't be taking Davey Crockets or anything. So, what do you pack and what do you plan to do? Go sightseeing, making photos and documenting the rise on Man in Europe? Take over? Uplift civilization?

Why the hell would I want to go to the year 25000 BC? I want to see primitive man try and figure how to make a wheel?

No thank you.

If I were going for a time trip it would more than like to be around 20 or so BC, try and see that guy named Jesus and see what he is all about.

Also, how long would this trip be? Where would this trip be to?

KrauserKrauser wrote:Also, how long would this trip be? Where would this trip be to?

It would be as long as you want it to, and let's say that you'd land in what would now be modern France, in a region of your choosing.

KrauserKrauser wrote:Why the hell would I want to go to the year 25000 BC? I want to see primitive man try and figure how to make a wheel?

Actually, men of Cro-Magnon were quite developed - they lived in settlements, developed quite an extensive tool set, which they used not only for hunting, fighting and building, but also in artistry and crafts.

It'd be tempting to at least have a look at primitive man going about his life, maybe for a day or two.

Though to really document the "rise of man", I'd need a hell of a lifespan, some technology to hide/sustain/protect me, and some companions.

Boredom would make me tempted to fuck things up, like kill a few early Romans and see if I stopped anyone important.

I'd bring a big Goddamn rifle and plenty of ammunition. I'm going mammoth hunting.

Oh, and some stuff I could present as gifts to the local tribe, so they don't, you know, kill me for being a stranger. Chocolate, tobacco, marijuana, coffee. Maybe some magic mushrooms. A big steel knife for the headman. That kind of stuff.

I'd bring a lighter, plenty of cigarettes, and whiskey. AIDs wasnt even around then was it? cause my next item would be a box of rubbers, but if i can get out of there whenever i want, it wouldnt be a problem anyway. maybe i could plant the first seed of homo sapien.

also id bring plenty of stuff that would totally freak them out, like...an 80's style battery operated boom box with my liscence to ill tape

and also a gun and bullets

and maybe I could teach them how to smelt and bring about the iron age

Camera.
Film.
Water purifier.
Tent.
Gun.
Ammunition.
Hunting knife.
Food supplies (condensed and packed tightly).
Chocolate.
More film.
Change of clothes.
Hiking boots.
Compass.
Notebook (maybe two).
At least four pencils.

Go back and seduce and devirginize Jesus's mom.

What? I'm not von Evil/Sol Bad guy for nothing.

I punch the son of a bitch in the nuts and demand to be taken to January 1968 until December 1980 with the prerequisite of not aging, thank you very much. Fuck that Ice Age bullshit, I want to experience real history.

RedImperator wrote:I'd bring a big Goddamn rifle and plenty of ammunition. I'm going mammoth hunting.

Oh, and some stuff I could present as gifts to the local tribe, so they don't, you know, kill me for being a stranger. Chocolate, tobacco, marijuana, coffee. Maybe some magic mushrooms. A big steel knife for the headman. That kind of stuff.

Glass beads.

A gun and nothing else, because I can set the length of my sightseeing trip to whatever I want, so I choose ten minutes. I only need to defend myself for that long. 25000 BC for fuck's sake; why would I want to be there for any longer?

Camping/survival supplies aplenty. I can theoretically carry a week's worth of food and water, shelter, clothing, and almost everything I need on my back. Other than that...

A big rifle, both for some Mammoth hunting, sel-defense, and intimidating the local primitive screwheads with my boomstick. Hell, I could set up a fucking religion about myself. I'd be a God of great anger, who could strike down Mammoths with only a shout. And I'd scrawl my name on the rocks and tell it to the Primitives. I'd give them modern steel knives and tools and let them conquer all other settlements in my name, for I am a vicious God!
Think of it- all the greatest leaders of the world might be extinguished, and all of their accomplishments footnotes in history in the name of ME!

... Or maybe not.

KrauserKrauser wrote:Why the hell would I want to go to the year 25000 BC? I want to see primitive man try and figure how to make a wheel?

Personally, I think it would be intersting to go back and get some questions about Neanderthals answered once and for all. Also, taking pictures and documenting information on various critters now extinct. But that's me.

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:

RedImperator wrote:I'd bring a big Goddamn rifle and plenty of ammunition. I'm going mammoth hunting.

Oh, and some stuff I could present as gifts to the local tribe, so they don't, you know, kill me for being a stranger. Chocolate, tobacco, marijuana, coffee. Maybe some magic mushrooms. A big steel knife for the headman. That kind of stuff.

Glass beads.

Whiskey. Natives likey the fire water.

I'd bring back a time capsule full of 21st century tech and books with information on building machines and such. I'd bury in a spot that I'd know people in the later centuries (possibly 19th) would dig.

I go back with guns, ammunition, a language book, and some tools. I then grab the first tribe of Neanderthals I see (since they'll be going extinct anyway) and force them to build a monument to myself, prophisizing my birth in languages of the modern, ancient, and medieval world. I'll do that with different tribes for a while, then it's back to the modern era and bask in my fame, assuming the monuments survive that long.

The purpose of my trip will be garbage disposal. I'll bring a gun and the asshole who damn near killed my GF in a car accident. I'll kill the motherfucker and leave his body back in the cavemen era, then come back to the present.

I'd want to go there with a camera, a bunch of lithium batteries for it, a few memories cards, a rifle, knick knacks for locals, a few weeks of food and a water purifier and camping/survival equipment, plus one sealed time capsule with evidence of who I am and proof of my chronological origin. After I got in with the locals, I'd document their lifestyle, get the general location of their settlement and return to the future. Unfortunately, it would be basically impossible pass off my photos as authentic at first, but they'd be nice to have. I'd bury a sealed time capsule at their village secretly, documenting my presence there at the appropriate time, then raise the money to excavate the site. If all goes well, the time capsule documenting my presence will be found, along with the site, and I'll sell my photos documenting them, along with writing a book about it, for millions. Hee hee HAH HAH! MEEELLIONS!



By the way, anyone who says "I'd get me some cavewomen pussy!" think of this. THis wouldn't be the movies where the cavewomen look like actresses with emaculate grooming and the heighth of physical fitnesses. Chances are any cavewomen you encounter are going to be of poor health and have no concept of shaving and little concept of bathing. Plus, there exists no dentistry or skin care or modern medicine of any time. Do you really want to fuck a hairy scrawny woman who smells horrible and has really bad teeth? I mean, really?

Well, since I'm being sent back to 25,000 BC, the Neanderthals are already extinct. And I'd prefer to be sent back to the island of Flores, with some camping gear, a digital video camcorder, spare flash cards and batteries, a notepad, my gun and a few boxes of ammo. Then I could spend a week documenting the life and times of that other currently extinct branch of humanity colloquially known as the Hobbits. (Homo Floresiensis.) I'd also shoot one of those dwarf elephants they hunted. I'm sure someone will want to buy dwarf elephant DNA and clone lots of the critters.

If I was stuck in Europe, I'd go mammoth hunting. People seem to want to clone the buggers for whatever reason, so I could make a fair bit of cash supplying fresh mammoth genetic material.

Finally, to ensure that the findings of my temporal field trip will be taken as valid, I'd also take along a conventional 35mm camera and some higher-speed film (ISO 400, 800, or 1600.) The 35mm camera would only be used on a clear night and aimed up at the night sky for long exposures. Why? Because Earth's axis wobbles, tracing a circle around the "pole" of the ecliptic. This phenomena, known as precession, is well-known, and is known to take around 23,000 years. I can take a number of exposures of the night sky ranging from half a minute to five minutes or more, with the camera pointed due north or due south, depending on where I end up. These will serve to establish the time of year, and the apparent rotation of the sky about the celestial north pole (if you've seen long-exposure pictures with star trails, you'll know what I'm talking about.) Since the Earth's axis pointed at a different part of the sky in 25,000 BC, a long-exposure taken back then will look somewhat different than one taken today. Provided I remembered to record my position and my bearing, the time-period I took the photos can be verified mathematically.

Gil Hamilton wrote:By the way, anyone who says "I'd get me some cavewomen pussy!" think of this. THis wouldn't be the movies where the cavewomen look like actresses with emaculate grooming and the heighth of physical fitnesses. Chances are any cavewomen you encounter are going to be of poor health and have no concept of shaving and little concept of bathing. Plus, there exists no dentistry or skin care or modern medicine of any time. Do you really want to fuck a hairy scrawny woman who smells horrible and has really bad teeth? I mean, really?

Actually, the evidence from human remains from that time shows that they'd be fairly healthy. The hunter-gatherer lifestyle pretty much weeds out the sickly before puberty, bathing is a universal human concept (Medieval Europeans abandoning it was an abberation), and a varied, low-carbohydrate diet would keep their teeth in good shape. Shaving would be the one thing the women didn't do, but that's a cultural preference.

Modern men, on the other hand, would be a fat, asthmatic, stupid ("You mean he can't even make a hand axe?!") weaklings compared to any man in the tribe. A modern man might get pussy thanks to his magical boomstick and his trinkets from the future, but not because of his looks.

Jason von Evil wrote:Go back and seduce and devirginize Jesus's mom.

What? I'm not von Evil/Sol Bad guy for nothing.

Pedophile.

She'd be a young (IE 13-15) Girl.

MariusRoi wrote:

Jason von Evil wrote:Go back and seduce and devirginize Jesus's mom.

What? I'm not von Evil/Sol Bad guy for nothing.

Pedophile.

She'd be a young (IE 13-15) Girl.

I was not aware of that.

I retract that post.

Your commitment to evil is weak.

Besides, you'd show up tens of thousands of years too early.

All of you people who think you would walk around as a conquering god; just remember that even a boomstick doesn't eliminate the need to sleep.

Jason von Evil wrote:

MariusRoi wrote:

Jason von Evil wrote:Go back and seduce and devirginize Jesus's mom.

What? I'm not von Evil/Sol Bad guy for nothing.

Pedophile.

She'd be a young (IE 13-15) Girl.

I was not aware of that.

I retract that post.

It's ok. The word used in the Greek that is translated "Virgin" was from the Aramaic Word for "Young Girl" and often used (for sure in this case) of a girl barely able to have children.

RedImperator wrote:Actually, the evidence from human remains from that time shows that they'd be fairly healthy. The hunter-gatherer lifestyle pretty much weeds out the sickly before puberty, bathing is a universal human concept (Medieval Europeans abandoning it was an abberation), and a varied, low-carbohydrate diet would keep their teeth in good shape. Shaving would be the one thing the women didn't do, but that's a cultural preference.

Well, yeah, you are most likely right that your average cavefolk would be in decent shape by modern standards, though that really depends on which cavefolk we are talk about. At the time, the paleolithic people of the Pacific Northwest or France would undoubtably be in much better shape and health than the paleolithic folk of Denmark, Australia, the Yukon/Alaska (where their diet was fish... and fish) or certain parts of Africa. After all, the Pacific Northwest was and is so ideal to hunter gathering that it wasn't until American settlers arrived that any of the population of the place was more than paleolithic - the natives never needed a culture or civilization (these are the Pomo indians, by the way, who'd lived that way they think for many many thousands of years). The Pomo's neighbors to the north who became the Inuits and Aleuts would have been in much sorrier shape.

However, I still think they'd smell a bit no matter what, because a great many places still weren't keen on regular hygiene and depending on their diet, major halitosis. They probably still wouldn't have very good teeth by our standards. And they'd still be hairy as sin.

At any rate, mostly my point was that even though I wasn't all straight in my facts was that chances are your average damsel from Lascaux isn't going to be in the heighth of physical condition, smooth hairless bodies and perfect white teeth that you always see in the pictures and chances are they aren't going to be anything a modern guy would want to pick up.

Modern men, on the other hand, would be a fat, asthmatic, stupid ("You mean he can't even make a hand axe?!") weaklings compared to any man in the tribe. A modern man might get pussy thanks to his magical boomstick and his trinkets from the future, but not because of his looks.

I can agree to this, no doubt.