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Relationships Surviving Rape?

Posted: 2002-12-29 03:55pm
by The Yosemite Bear
Ok, I was talking with someone over AIM, about how and why My college age Girl Friend broke up with me.

Sure, it crushed my male ego, her leaving me for a woman, however the biggest thing that happened was that a month before she left me, she was sexually assulted at work.

Now while this is a very sensitive question, Is the fact that our relationship could not survive the incident a failure of mine. What is the acid test if you would for such things? Oh, and what would you do?

Posted: 2002-12-29 04:15pm
by InnerBrat
OK, personal experience - although I wasn't in a relationship at the time.

Rape fucks people up. It fucks up the victim, it fucks up the people that love her, and it fucks up the relationship she has with everybody.

I lost my best friend shortly after I was raped. I was walking home from her place when it happened, and she did the whole coming with me to do my statement (all day every day for a week) and the supportive friend thing and such like, but our friendship didn't last two months after that, and I think it was because she couldn't handle me being a fucked-up mess.

My relationship with my family changed, but not necessarily in a bad way, and I lost other friends, but other friendships became stronger. I met Rob three months later and he helped get me through and was my rock and everything.

The thng is, it's not your fault. This was a massive thing to happen to her, and she's almost certainly a different person now then she was beforehand, especially in the short term. A month is not enough time to get over this kind of thing, so if she needed time alone, then so be it.

It's also a difficult thing for you to handle, so not being completely Mr Supportive Guy is understandable. Relationships do not have to survive everything. She broke up with you - you didn't abandon her in her time of need or anything, and I'm sure you handled it as best you could.
She needed to get over it without you. That's OK, as long as she doesn't burn your number.

I don't kow how long ago this was, but I hope you're both OK.

Posted: 2002-12-29 04:20pm
by The Yosemite Bear
This was about twelve years ago, it's part of why I never graduated College.