Elephants
Posted: 2003-01-03 02:40am
Ok, I was camping at the beach telling jokes during New Year, these are classics... thought of sharing them with you. If you didn't do anything during New Year, close your eyes and imagine yourself at the beach listening to the jokes 
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
You'd fill Australia with holes.
What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Lots and lots of space.
What did the elephant say to a naked man?
How can you breath with such a small trunk?
How do you pull out an elephant from a river?
Wet.
How do you fit 4 elephants in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front, two in the back.
You ever seen an elephant hidding behind a sunflower?
Damn they do it pretty well, don't them?
Why can't elephants ride bicycles?
'Cause they don't have a thumb to ring the bell.
Why do elephants dye their feet yellow?
To hide inside mustard jars.
Have you ever seen an elephant inside a mustard jar?
See? It works!
How would you kill a blue elephant?
You shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a red elephant?
You strangle him 'till he turns blue, then you shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a green elephant?
By telling him dirty jokes 'till he turns red, then strangle him 'till he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a yellow elephant?
Yellow elephants don't exist, dumbass.
How could you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
Because of the footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
Because there are two trails of footprints on the butter.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in the fridge?
Because you can't close it.
How would you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
Because the Volkswagen is parked outside.
Why are there so many elephants in the jungle?
Because they all can't fit inside your fridge.
Why don't elephants wear shoes?
Because they can't tie the shoelaces on their hind legs when they have already tied their shoelaces on their fore legs.
Why elephants can't dance?
'Cause they have two left feet.
How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
Because your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you know if there's an elephant inside your bed?
'Cause their pajamas have a big "E" stitched on them.
How do you call an elephant who's an expert in skin problems?
Pachydermatologist.
Why do elephants paint their balls red?
To hide in the cherry tree tops.
What's the loudest, noisiest feeding sound?
A native eating cherries.
What time is it when an elephant steps on your watch?
It's time to buy a new watch.
How can you fit 4 giraffes inside a Volkswagen?
You have to get the elephants out first.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
You'd fill Australia with holes.
What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Lots and lots of space.
What did the elephant say to a naked man?
How can you breath with such a small trunk?
How do you pull out an elephant from a river?
Wet.
How do you fit 4 elephants in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front, two in the back.
You ever seen an elephant hidding behind a sunflower?
Damn they do it pretty well, don't them?
Why can't elephants ride bicycles?
'Cause they don't have a thumb to ring the bell.
Why do elephants dye their feet yellow?
To hide inside mustard jars.
Have you ever seen an elephant inside a mustard jar?
See? It works!
How would you kill a blue elephant?
You shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a red elephant?
You strangle him 'till he turns blue, then you shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a green elephant?
By telling him dirty jokes 'till he turns red, then strangle him 'till he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
How would you kill a yellow elephant?
Yellow elephants don't exist, dumbass.
How could you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
Because of the footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
Because there are two trails of footprints on the butter.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in the fridge?
Because you can't close it.
How would you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
Because the Volkswagen is parked outside.
Why are there so many elephants in the jungle?
Because they all can't fit inside your fridge.
Why don't elephants wear shoes?
Because they can't tie the shoelaces on their hind legs when they have already tied their shoelaces on their fore legs.
Why elephants can't dance?
'Cause they have two left feet.
How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
Because your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you know if there's an elephant inside your bed?
'Cause their pajamas have a big "E" stitched on them.
How do you call an elephant who's an expert in skin problems?
Pachydermatologist.
Why do elephants paint their balls red?
To hide in the cherry tree tops.
What's the loudest, noisiest feeding sound?
A native eating cherries.
What time is it when an elephant steps on your watch?
It's time to buy a new watch.
How can you fit 4 giraffes inside a Volkswagen?
You have to get the elephants out first.
