Fanfic Rant: Vengeful Fanpoodles

[Majin Gojira]

I don't think this belongs in Fanfic, but it might, if not, please move it to Off Topic...it's just me ranting about possibly THE dumbest review I've recived.

I post often at Ff.net (mostly for simplicity/audience size reasons), but I have a reputation as one of the harshest, most caustic critics out there. Recently, I got my first "revenge" review--a negative review because I left a negative review for someone else...no, really--this person is that petty.

The Review I left was for a Buffy/Anne Rice crossover ([which is not allowed on FF.net incidently because Annerice threatened to sue them]which really should not be done and will lead to pretentiousness and wanking from the Rice-Side as they proceed to Mary Sue their way through the Buffyverse)

This was the review I recieved for This story

From: EC-Chan (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=30672)

hey dude~
i'm sorry to tell u this but this story made absolutely no sense...
who was this wizard? he has the strangest personality and i know he's supposed to be no one in particular but why would some random unimportant character whose supposed to be important enough to be able to hire someone as a teacher go to sunneydale... it just completely makes no sense.
wouldn't dumbledore go?
that and you gave him a flat personality and he's one of the main characters... maybe if you started out in giles point of view and ended casually with that last scene in more of a third person omniscent then it would make sense...
that and i don't see gile's reacting like that even though the situation is ridiculous...
this is obviously just something random u threw out to waste time and that's all good and well but what's the point in posting it?
try posting something with an actual plot please...
and please realize that i'm only saying this to you because you have the gale to critic other writers when your own stories aren't too hot and you have a yahoo group that finds "good buffy crossovers"- EC-Chan

I, never to leave an opponent with the last word, I responded...in kind.

From: EC-Chan

Hello EC-Chan! How are you?

hey dude~
i'm sorry to tell u this but this story made absolutely no sense...

Let me spell it out for you clarly:

Wizard comes for Slayer, Giles doesn't like the idea, Giles summons Demon to kill Wizard, Demon kills wizard. The End.

who was this wizard? he has the strangest personality and i know he's supposed to be no one in particular but why would some random unimportant character whose supposed to be important enough to be able to hire someone as a teacher go to sunneydale... it just completely makes no sense. wouldn't dumbledore go?

I did not specify who the wizard was. This was done purposfully to cover the fact that I feel that I do not know enough about Dumbeldor's character to accuratly write him. Ergo, I create a nameless and unimportant wizard to be uncerimonially killed off.

Why wouldn't Dumbeldoree go?

I ask you, why would he?

At the time this occured in the potterverse, it's after the 5th book, I'm certain he has better things to do. There are other people he knows and trusts that could have been sent on the mission. Pick any of them to fill the void.

Furthermore, who says Dumbeldore is the one who wishes to requisition the Slayer as an undercover agent. It could be the ministry given the behavior of the wizard.

NEVER make blind assumptions. EVER. You just end up looking foolish. Like right now.

that and you gave him a flat personality and he's one of the main characters...

Ok, how was it flat? Tell me, simply saying it was does not aid me as a writer. Explain what parts made him seem flat.

maybe if you started out in giles point of view and ended casually with
that last scene in more of a third person omniscent then it would make sense...

The entire story is done in 3rd person. It begins with a dialogue between the two characters and not the usual introductory texts, I can see how that can be
confusing for some people, but it's a legitimate way to start a story.

that and i don't see gile's reacting like that even though the situation is ridiculous...

That is, so far, your only valid point. It is a little too Ripper-esq for his dealings of the time, but it's not "Ridiculous"

this is obviously just something random u threw out to waste time

Obviously your skills at observation are sevearly marred by your emotions. It is a retourt to a cliche perpetrated by many authors on FF.net--that Buffy would go merrily along to Hogwarts. An author has to earn it, quite honestly--and frankly, I'd rather they avoid it all together.

and that's all good and well but what's the point in posting it?

Spite, quite honestly. I got a lot of that. Seems to have motivated your review as well.

try posting something with an actual plot please...

Do you even know what a Plot is?

http://www.hyperdictionary.com/dictionary/plot

(Meriam-Websters Dictionary 1913 edition)

"(5). In fiction, the story of a play, novel, romance, or poem, comprising a complication of incidents which are gradually unfolded, sometimes by unexpected
means."

Does this story have a story? Yes, it does (already defined above). Something without a plot would have the demon just show up and kill the wizard immediatly--I set it up beforehand. Hence, there is a plot. Sure, it's not the most complext plot, but this is a 1,000 word short story. Nice try, asshat.

and please realize that i'm only saying this to you because you have the gale

Gale is a strong wind--and those come from the anal sphincter (much like your "review"), I believe you mean "Gall", and I do have quite a lot of that. Look at the sig name: it's japanese for "Demon Godzilla", of course I'm going to have a lot of gall!

to critic other writers

Well DUH, that's what reviews are for--not erronious pats to your ego. Sure, I may be overly harsh, but that's probably to counterbalance the "OMIGOD! THIS STORY ROCKZORZ!" 'reviews' that clutter FF.net.

when your own stories aren't too hot

Ad Homium attack (Personal Attack without merit to the discussion at hand)--just because someone cannot produce works of excelent qualtiy does NOT forbade them from criticing them. Roger Ebert never made a single film [editors note: None that I know of anyway--and college shorts don't count!] yet he is one of the most respected critics of all time.

Secondly, you have yet to prove that my works are as bad as you claim them to be. So prove it or conceed the point.

and you have a yahoo group that finds "good buffy crossovers"

And notice I never recomend any of my own. I am aware of my own faults, unlike most authors.

The fact that you know this makes it appear as if you are trying to get "revenge" for a negative review I left a friend of yours. You're lack of evidence in your review for the claims made leans me to this position.

- EC-Chan

In closing, I'd like to again ask you how the Wizard came off as flat--please point to quotations from the text and explain your reasoning to me, for I wish to
improve.

Have a Nice Day.

What? You think I wasn't going to respond. I love responding. It's what I do.

I await her reply, if there is one, which I honestly doubt their will be.

[Gandalf]

If you get a reply, please post it.

Odd review, made for interesting reading.

[Shroom Man 777]

You can quote when reviewing a fic?

[Singular Quartet]

It's called Copy/Paste.

This is the reason I don't touch FFN. FictionPress I have come across, just to see if I could garner soime reviews, and I've occasionally gotten the occasional useful one.

[Majin Gojira]

This is the reason I don't touch FFN. FictionPress I have come across, just to see if I could garner soime reviews, and I've occasionally gotten the occasional useful one.

Helpful reviews are truely few and far between there, but as a Buffy crossover obsessor, my options are limited to this or "Twisting the Hellmouth", whose webmistress has an itchy banning finger and views all negative comentary of any kind outside of "you need spellcheck" to be a flame and therefore a personal attack.

Plus, she's under several annoying dilusions that proliferate her site (if you think FF.net is bad, try Twisting and vomit in horror at Buffy/WWE crossovers...that focus purely on the authors live out their sexual fantasies through the characters--no, really) Such as:

All Magic is the same in all universes, no matter what.
Willow was only Bi (because she dated boys in the past!--no, really, THAT's their reasoning)
There is no such thing as a Mary Sue, and surely one cannot "Sue" a canon character!

It's nausiating and infuriating

So you see, my options are quite limited.

Anywho, I have yet to hear from the reviewer --especially after I reported her friend for an illegal action taken within the fic (Anne Rice is a bitch with copyrighting and does not allow such fanfic to exist in the major areas). I'm giving her until Friday to respond or it's "Concession Accepted--have a nice day"

[Singular Quartet]

This is the reason I don't touch FFN. FictionPress I have come across, just to see if I could garner soime reviews, and I've occasionally gotten the occasional useful one.

Helpful reviews are truely few and far between there,

Meh, one in three (That's one useful review out of the three reviews I've gotten) is pretty good. Maybe I just have good Karma.

but as a Buffy crossover obsessor, my options are limited to this or "Twisting the Hellmouth", whose webmistress has an itchy banning finger and views all negative comentary of any kind outside of "you need spellcheck" to be a flame and therefore a personal attack.

Yep, people definately are nuts.

Plus, she's under several annoying dilusions that proliferate her site (if you think FF.net is bad, try Twisting and vomit in horror at Buffy/WWE crossovers...that focus purely on the authors live out their sexual fantasies through the characters--no, really)

Gah...

Such as:

All Magic is the same in all universes, no matter what.
Willow was only Bi (because she dated boys in the past!--no, really, THAT's their reasoning)
There is no such thing as a Mary Sue, and surely one cannot "Sue" a canon character!

I've read worse, I'm sad to say.

[Majin Gojira]

Well, It's been a week...Therefore, I have sent my "Concession Accepted" e-mail to her. I wonder if this will happen again, as I quite enjoyed the fangirl's destruction.

One week ago, you left a review for a Story of mine: "The Wizard and the Demon".

Because of the issues raised, I responded immediately, addressed several of your points and asked for elaboration on some of them:

In closing, I'd like to again ask you how the Wizard came off as flat--please point to quotations from the text and explain your reasoning to me, for I wish to improve.

I have alloted one week for you to respond. The time has passed. Now I must see you as a moronic flamer bent on vengance for highly dubious reasoning.

Therfore, your concession via omition is accepted, and I will now post the total desimation of your 'review' on the story in question.

Hopefully you will learn a lesson from all of this, for there are several to learn:

1. Know What You are Talking About
2. Analyis an adversary thuroughly before engaging.
3. Not all Negative Reviews are flames. They may contain legitimate critisisms that need to be addressed. You are not a god-writer and should not act as one.
4. Do Not Triffel with things you barely understand.

CONCESSION ACCEPTED, Have a nice day!

I expect a "Stop harassing me" e-mail soon (because I noticed a typo that I had to fix...)

Damned Spine-less Fanpoodles...