Star Trek - The Temporal Wars

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-02-20 09:18am

Nevermind - The Fan Fiction is Crap...

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-02-20 09:19am

Nevermind - The Fan Fiction is Crap...

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-02-20 09:21am

Nevermind - The Fan Fiction is Crap...

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-02-20 09:24am

Nevermind - The Fan Fiction is Crap...

Admiral Cross · Post by **Admiral Cross** » 2005-03-01 10:52am

I like it, post more! I would post more, but I am about to head off, so ill post more stuff tonight

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-03-24 01:46pm

Nevermind - The Fan Fiction is Crap...

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2005-03-24 11:56pm

atomic danny wrote:201 Views and only one reply, i didn't realise it was that bad

Knowing this board if it was a bad story you'd get a ton of replies saying something in the vein of "THIS SUCKS!"

Sabastian Tombs · Post by **Sabastian Tombs** » 2005-03-25 02:31am

I personally find the story rather hard to read with the way you change from present to past tense in the same sentence. Also, you tend to be repeat information that you don't need to. For example, in the first chapter, you spend a couple of paragraphs telling what the USS Sovereign found during it's mission. Then you go to the captain repeating the same information into her log.

On the other hand, it seems like an interesting premise. With some editing, it could be a good story.

atomic danny · Post by **atomic danny** » 2005-03-25 04:58am

Junghalli wrote:Knowing this board if it was a bad story you'd get a ton of replies saying something in the vein of "THIS SUCKS!"

True, though to be honest i was expecting more of the lines of being to generous to Star Trek (since apparently the power of a photon torpedo is accepted here as 0.675 tonnes or something similar)

Sabastian Tombs wrote:I personally find the story rather hard to read with the way you change from present to past tense in the same sentence. Also, you tend to be repeat information that you don't need to. For example, in the first chapter, you spend a couple of paragraphs telling what the USS Sovereign found during it's mission. Then you go to the captain repeating the same information into her log.

On the other hand, it seems like an interesting premise. With some editing, it could be a good story.

its that bad, is this in all of the chapters?(or in is it in every sentence?) looks like i might as well rewrite most of the chapters

(and removing a lot of the repeated parts) Though as for the Captains log, you would expect the captain to say whats on her mind though wouldn't you? Though thanks for the nice part at the end

edit- i've updated chapter one, and altered the part you mentioned. Its still not very good (since this was my first fan fiction

), though i think i've changed it enough so that it removes part of the repeated parts. Though what would you suggest? I re-write the parts that are "repeated" or re-write all of it