[repost] Twin Helix, Part 2: The Second Circle of Being

[rhoenix]

So far that seems to be true. I certainly hope it holds for the next.

Excellent. Please let me know if this theory withstands reading of part 3.

I mean, it went from, "Oh teh noes!1! She's been kidnapped," to, "I'm gonna rescue her," to, "Ahh, the torture, it burrrnnnss!!" to, "Haha! I'm here! Pwnt, snakes!" Like I said, not the end of the world, and I can understand why you did it, but when I first read it it seemed jumpy. Going back, it's okay now.

I see what you mean now. I re-read those parts, and though I wrote them in that fashion to convey a sense of urgency to the reader, it didn't work out too well. I tried a bit more subtle undertone writing in part 3, and it worked a bit better there.

[The Nomad]

Just a nit pick, but wasn't her helmet retrieved by the Immaculates ? How come it was with her armour at Kale's cabin ?


Very enjoyable though.

[rhoenix]

Just a nit pick, but wasn't her helmet retrieved by the Immaculates ? How come it was with her armour at Kale's cabin ?

*blink*

Well, I'm quite glad I posted my story here, then - everyone's attention to detail has been quite helpful. Sadly enough, I hadn't even realized that little continuity break existed until now.

That's painful. Well, thank you very much for pointing it out, at any rate - I suppose I'll have to rewrite the latter scene without her helmet.

[DesertFly]

Just a nit pick, but wasn't her helmet retrieved by the Immaculates ? How come it was with her armour at Kale's cabin ?

*blink*

Well, I'm quite glad I posted my story here, then - everyone's attention to detail has been quite helpful. Sadly enough, I hadn't even realized that little continuity break existed until now.

That's painful. Well, thank you very much for pointing it out, at any rate - I suppose I'll have to rewrite the latter scene without her helmet.

Or you could have an epic battle scene where she fights her way through hordes of undead to retrieve her helmet.

[rhoenix]

Or you could have an epic battle scene where she fights her way through hordes of undead to retrieve her helmet.

True - but at the point where she would have, she already has her other armor, complete with helmet.

So, it was a scene inconsistency, but nothing that affected story flow too much, in my opinion.

However, its definitely something to watch out for in the future, so thank you again.