MST4K: Episode Eight- Boss Wars

[Ryushikaze]

Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?

Satellite of Lust, six minutes after nothing important happened.

Artlu: Well, since you yokels had so much fun the last time I gave you a Boss Wars fic, I've given you another one to go with. And like before, I think you will find your guest very appropriate
Graham: Wonder who it'll be...
Tim: I get the feeling I'll be making "sugar" and bubblegum cracks to our guest the entire time...
(Ash -with Pikachu- departs from the guestway express)
Ash: Hey guys!
Pikachu: Pika!
Ash: So what we got this time?
Tim: A pokemon fic, a lemon, Boss Wars even, be prepped for bad ripoffs and errors aplenty in this piece.
Graham:The last one with misty was a doozy
Ash: It was that bad, huh?
(Tim downloads the session into Dexter, who then tightbeams the info direct to Ash's brain)
Ash: That was... odd. how did you get it into my head like that?
Tim: You dun wanna know, trust me.
Ash: Okay...
(klaxons wail and the lights turn bloody red, and everyone rushes into the theater)
door 7: The outer door, it won't open, you hit it, you fire a gun at it. you even drop a nuke on it, but it won't open. Tim pops out, presses the "open" button and it opens. Resisting the urge to pass out, you pass on.
door 6.7: It's a shameless plug, you walk past it.
door 6: It looks like a desktop for windows. it crashes down and you rush past while a boot kicks it back up.
door 5: It's a live cow, you turn the udder and walk through the cow, wondering "Why a COW?"
door 4: It is blocked by Quatre from Gundam Wing, you laugh, flick him with your finger into the wall, and pass on.
door 3: there are some ruby sneakers standing in front of a blank wall, you put the shoes on, click your heels three times and say "There's no place like door two."
door 2: It a wall of Psychic power. You Give a passing Mew fifty bucks and he disables it for you.
door 1: It's a normal door, distrustful, you cautiously open the door. But it was a normal door. You then pass on, thinking what a fool you were to be so afraid a door, when you get raw fish heads dumped down your neck.



Tim: Before we start, I'd like you to note that I will alert you to every ripoff in this fic.
Graham: I will alert you to every pokemon error in the fic as well.
Ash: I'll just fling insults.

THE POKEMON BOSS WARS:
FIRE AND ICE
By Jacob Orravan
---
Nothing can stop the Boss Wars from blasting ahead! It's time for a new session!
Suggested theme music: 'Bilamos' by what's-his-name-again...
=====
(Prologue): POSSESSION
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meeyowth! That's right!"
"Now," said an irritated Meowth, "What's your brilliant plan to steal Sabrina's
Pokémon this time?"

Tim: Eh? That implies they've tried before. which they have not. INCONSISTENCY!
Graham: HEY! That's my job!!!!!
Ash: I'm guessing its all gonna be like this...
Tim and Graham: YOU BET IT WILL!!!

"This is our best invention to date!" James said, proudly, holding up some
gadget.

Ash: Not too hard an achievement to realize...

"This is really a breakthrough in technology, even for Team Rocket!" Jessie
added.
The duo simultaneously said, "This is the Team Rocket Interdimensional
Disrupter! (TM)"

Tim: What is it with following all new inventions with TM? that should only be used with an actual Trade Mark! like, well, TEAM ROCKET!

"Yeah, yeah. What does it do?" Meowth said, rolling his eyes.
"This is the latest Team Rocket scientist creation!" Jessie said, reminding
Meowth of a TV infomercial, "By flipping the switch on this little gadget, it
can actually breach the most fragile tear in the Liveside/Deadside continuum in
the closest area!"

Tim:Hmmm, shadowman ripoff...

The scratchcat jolted at this news. He rapidly said, "Well, why are ya jes'
standin' there? Activate that what-ever-the-Hell-that-is! !"
"Roger wilco!" The human members of Team Rocket said.
As the machine did its work, the trio immediately saw their mistake.
***
Sabrina simply sat on the fancy chair that was almost a queen's throne in the
battle room, her eyes closed. She wasn't sleeping--per se, anyway. Psychics
never did sleep a complete, dream-filled sleep. Sabrina had learned this the
hard way--before learning how to sleep how a psychic should sleep, she always
had nightmares, horrible nightmares of death and destruction. Now, as she

All: Ummm...
Tim: Pleasant thoughts there, buddy, and psychics dun always have nightmares, ya know.

dwindled through the thin line of sleep and awareness, something entered her
ear. Small, darting, flipping its way into her brain.
Immediately, her emerald eyes shot open. As her pupils shrank, she concentrated
on who had just walked into the battle room.
"Sabrina?" Brock asked, "Sabrina, I came to see you. What's wro-"

Tim: Why the hell would he come to see Sabrina? until the orange islands, he never leaves the group! EVER!

With a flick of the psychic's wrist, he flew into her hands. She said, silently,
swiftly, "Brock..." He looked at her eyes, which showed a lust that was like no
lust. Sabrina felt strange in his grip--her right side was a sexual hot, and the
other was a cold that was right out of the arctic. She continued, "Brock, make
love to me."
It wasn't a question. It was a command. He accepted.
He swiftly unbuttoned her upper clothes, releasing the braless chest to his
view. Her exceptional rack was visible to him--fine, soft as the fur of a
Persian, and firm. He lolled her right breast, suckling her nipple. Cold milk
flowed into his mouth, sweeter then any glass of milk he'd ever had. He
un-strapped her pants and boots, showing off her white panties. He guided
himself down, and pulled the wet things down with his tongue.
She pushed him down on the floor, and pulled off his shirt. She licked his chest
with her hot tongue, pushing his back down onto the well-cleaned and dustless
floor. She undid his pants and ripped--literally--off his boxers, sucking loudly
on his scrotum. He moaned as she lolled it around, then pulled out and slightly
tugged on the upper-vascular hood {a small, loose batch of skin that is stretchy
and sensual. Got that from South Park}, and lapped at his cock.

Ash: I think I may be scarred for life after this one.
Tim: Ash, yer here to comment and chew bubblegum, and we dun got no bubblegum!
Graham: Okay, no "Sugar" for you...

Brock squirmed in ecstasy {why is this so important in Hentai?} as she sucked
wildly on the member, swallowing every drop of his cum. She pulled herself up,
stroking her hips against his manhood. His erection was in full swing, and he
dove in. He was jolted--her cunt was hot, like a cheap Hentai's vagina, but the
tasty female cum--the slickening woman's nectar--was as cold as masturbating his
phallus inside liquid nitrogen.

All: (shudder, thinking about getting their equipment stuck in liquid nitrogen)

Save that her inner walls were smooth, feeling wonderfully strange. So hot, yet
so, delightfully cold...like also in a cheap hentai fanfic, his hot cum filled
her handsome neither regions, sliding past the cervix into an empty womb. He
withdrew, his unerect manhood completely covered in navy-colored cum. Sabrina
moved once again to his penis, sucking it off.

Ash: (Imitating Brock) My manhood! You sucked it right off!
Tim: Well, aren't WE the hentai one now?
Ash: Well you lose your innocence when you lose... something else
Graham: Oh I wonder what that could be...
Tim: Ten to one says it's his virginity!
(Graham pays up, Ash catches the reference)
Ash: HEY!

As Brock surrendered to her mouth and whatever she did afterward. He was in more
pleasure then he had ever felt, and he would be glad if it never stopped.
Perhaps, if the following adventure was never undertaken, it never would have.

Tim: So why DID it get undertaken?

=====
(I) BATTLES
"Go, Clefable!" shouted Kevin, slinging the aforementioned Pokémon's Pokéball.
"Go, Pikachu!" Ash cried out, pointing ahead.
The two Pokémon ran into the battle arena.
Kevin commanded, "Clefable, use Defensive Curl!"
"Pikachu, same!" cried Ash.
Clefable curled into a perfect ball with large, lopsided wings and a cottontail
jutting out. Pikachu was the same, a complete sphere with a zig-zag tail.
The Pokémon unfolded, as Kevin yelled, "Alright, use Double-Edge!"
"Pikachu, Thunderbolt!"
Clefable fired a powerful ball of K'i as Pikachu discharged dancing volts of
electricity. Pikachu effortlessly dodged the K'i, while Clefable was thoroughly
paralyzed.
Kevin recalled the fairy, saying, "Alright, Ash, prepare to taste some
star-spangled Pokémon! Go, Maril!"
"Piiblu!" shouted the Pikablu as it rolled into combat.

Graham: Note, Marril is NOT pikablu, never has been, nor ever will be.

Pikachu immediately doubled up in laughter at the water/electric Pokémon, with
the wiry tail that ended in a blue ball of fluff, and a little antenna like its
tail.
Kevin shouted, "Maril, Supershocker!" Electricity built up between its round
ears and shot out like a bullet.

Graham: Note, marril not an electric type pokemon.

Pikachu used Agility and dodged, then fired Swift stars from his cheeks. Pikablu
was hit dead on--it was the most accurate attack for a Pokémon, after all--and
fired a Bubblebeam at Pikachu. Pikachu was thrown back a bit, and sent a
Thunderbolt after the water hybrid.
Pikablu shook, as Ash said, victorious, "Pikachu, finish 'em off with a Taser
attack!" Pikachu smiled as he placed the tip of his tail against Pikablu.

Tim: Note, neither supershocker nor taser actually exist.

The Cable Club fighting arena was lit up with blue electricity as Pikablu was
zapped. It fell, fainted.

Ash: Cable club? Never heard of it...

Kevin sighed, "Return, Maril..." He continued, "Alright Ash, I concede to you the
American Pokémon Leauge Moonbadge." He tossed a crescent-shaped badge towards
Ash, who caught it. "It will make sure that your Pokémon's level gaining
abilities are increased. It also teaches your Pokémon the ability 'Tempevolve'.
Your Pokémon can evolve into their final or second form for one battle."

Tim: Makes more grammatical sense to place second before final.
Graham (looks shocked): YOU ACTUALLY SAID A HELPFUL COMMENT ABOUT A FIC!?!

"Nifty," Ash said, grinning, He placed the badge with his other eight. He patted
Pikachu and sprayed his friend with a bit of Superpotion.
Gary and Misty watched aside from them.
"Hmff," said Gary, "Just because he got an American badge right here on Pokémon
Island, he thinks he's all that."
"He also met and defeated Myyu, Mewtwo, Giovanni, placed 6th in the League,
while you tied second with somebody because your stinky Eevee lost against AJ's
Pidgey."

Graham: Note: you mean mew, and he never fought either Mew, or Mewtwo.
Tim: and wouldn't SECOND be better than sixth? You meant he lost in the second round, while Ash lost in the sixth, right??

Gary blushed angrily, while Kevin noted, "Actually, I was the other in the
second place tie. Gary just cheated and threw sand into Maril's eyes and let his
Tentacruel knock 'er aside."

Both: RIIIGHT we beleive you.
Tim: hmm, howcome no cyborgs, or marril appeared in that episode, oh yeah, this is all bullshit! also if, you lost, it wouldn't be a tie!

"But, if you got to the League, how come you're collecting badges?" Ash asked.
He explained, "A Gym leader can fight for free on the first time. I have to
collect four more badges--Boulder, Cascade, Marsh and Rainbow."

Graham: It says this where?
Tim: Not in Quinn's "guide to making good pokefics", nor "rules of reality for pokemon"

"Hey, I'm the Gym leader of Curelian!" Misty said. "You can have one of my
Cascades for free!" She chucked the blue tinted badge at him.

Tim: uhuh, Misty wouldn't let a badge go that easily, EVER!
Ash: She didn't let her virginity go that eas- nevermind...

He leapt and caught it. Mesmerized, he cradled the little object in his hands,
almost lovingly. He felt ecstatic, the little tear-shaped bit of metal's cold
touch at his fingertips...
He snapped out of the badge's trance as he heard his friends slink outside.
"GWAPPA! WAITUP!" he yelped.

Ash: Kevin evolved into Golduck!
Tim: Nyuk, good one!

***
"Sweet mother of mercy in a sidecar eating chocolate jimmies in a lobster
bib..."

Both: Riiiight.
Tim: The men in white will see you now, Mr Oravann

The statement was long and fitting.

Tim: What, mine about the men in white? I'd expect so.

The quartet--minus Pikachu and Togepi, who
were being babysat by a Chansey--could only stare at the monstrosity that was
once the Saffron Gym. It was hardly the former glory it had been--it seemed to
have decayed and mutated, as if it had existed for centuries.
*Goaway.*
"Misty?" said Ash, slowly, "Kevin? Gary? Did you hear that?"

Graham: What, was it a blood curdling scream?
Tim: No, a blood pasteurizing one.

His friends and rival nodded, not knowing what to make of the statement that
seemingly originated from the Gym. Ash, swallowing his fear, drew his shimmering
katana, faced forward his shining Mirrored Shield. "I don't know about you
three," he said, "But I'm going in." Slowly, the courageous (or stupid) trainer
stepped forward, near the gaping, torn opening.

Tim: Note: Mirror Shield shamelessly stolen from Zelda. Also, bravery and stupidity are most often the same thing.
Ash: Especially in my case. Wait, that didn't come out right...

"I'm feeling disobedient today," he uttered, and raced into the maw of the
building. The others soon followed.

Graham: That just didn't sound like Ash.
Tim: Mebbe cuz the author has had every damn OTHER person in the fic act OOC?
Ash: Most Likely, YES!

***
The opening room's floor was covered in bones.
Not real ones, though. Imprints. Skulls, thighbone, and various bits of armor,
as well. Helmets, shoulder guards, metal boots, rusted and curving swords,
shields of chipped and tarnished armor. The effect shrieked 'sadism'. Misty drew
her Naginata in hopes of making her braver. (She was unfortunate--it made things
a lot more tense.)

All: Dem bones, Dem bones, Dem, Dryyy Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem, Dryyy bones...
Tim: How exactly do a lot of bones give of the impression of Sadism? Whips and chains give off the sadism feel, not bones.

Gary grinned devilishly and scooted towards the redhead, saying, "Need to cuddle
up, Mis-" VAWAP!! He was silenced and on the floor, sending up dust. He looked
up weakly as Misty holstered her paper fan. "Damn," cursed the trainer, "them

Tim: She has a naginata (a fine weapon BTW), and she uses a damn paper fan???

fans can sting!" He looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling warm. He choked
in some air. Not much was breathable. It was if the entire room was filled with
carbon dioxide.
He looked back down at the floor, at the skull imprint that was beneath him. It
was lantern-jawed, like a stereotypical hillbilly, and leering dumbly out. Then,
it leapt at him.
"GGGGGYAAAA! !" screeched Gary (like a schoolgirl, I am gleeful to say) as he
was thrown back.

Tim: Methinks the author likes not gary.

The quartet looked on wordlessly as the skull floated in the air. More bones
joined, with armor for shoulders, and a pair of metallic boots instead of
regular foot and leg bones. Its left upper arm was a shield, and its right hand
was a long, ferocious, rusted and curving sword. All of this was like a walking,
2-dimensional painting. Then, the skeletal structure fleshed out, and became 3D.
Two others formed from the bones. And finally, they leapt, swords in a downward
slash.

Tim: Note: Stalfos also shamelessly stolen from Zelda

Ash jumped in front, shoving his shield up to block the blades. The
swords sparked as the lustrous shield did its work. In a smooth motion, Kevin's
cybernetic eye implants fired a photon stream. However, the carbon spread the

Tim: Hello? scuse me, but a photon stream wouldn't do anything, less it was a laser. PHOTONS EQUAL LIGHT!

photon beams scattering across the room. Misty rolled to avoid a red laser
blast, then swung the blunt iron ball of the Naginata at the feet of one of the
skeletons. Its legs flew to the other side of the room.
The freak grunted, and started pulling itself to its scattered legs. However, a
fierce kick from Gary sent its spine and ribcage to yet another side of the
room. Leaping away from a poorly aimed scimitar attack, he dropkicked the
thing's skull itself. That fragment went to yet another part of the room. The
skull gave a rough sigh and commanded its body from various areas of the room to
come together.
Misty gave a downward slash from the other end of her Japanese weapon at a
second freak, sending its body in an even pile. Ash did a similar move with his
blade, which impacted against the creep's shield. Kevin, thinking quickly,
ripped the sword away from the skeleton and turned the monster's spinal column
into individual vertebrae. After a few seconds of calm in the room, Gary was
knocked aside by a reassembled mutant.
The quartet retreated as Kevin roared, "Awww, SHIT! No matter what we do,
they'll keep coming back! And this freaking carbon is making me li-"
Suddenly, it clicked. The mutants appeared when the carbon appeared. They were
most likely dependent on it. Perhaps the thing to do was to add more carbon than
they needed.
His line of vision traced to the shattered remains of some refreshment
dispensers (the only way Sabrina would agree to make the gym look a little more
homey), a well-beaten-up soda can and bag of 'Pop Rox' within his grasp. Lunging
to the objects, he thought gleefuly, This kind of chance only happens in video
games, comics, movies, and bad fanfic plot contrivances! Snagging the candy bag,

Graham: I have to agree with that last one wholeheartedly
Tim: And Pop Rox aren't that common anyways.

tearing it open and stuffing in the yet-to-be opened can of soda, he yelled,
"HIT THE DIRT!" He threw his teammates outside and chucked the
soon-to-be-a-lethal-weapon package at a close skeleton.

Ash: apparently he doesn't know that that urban legend was bullshit.

As he joined his pals, the skeleton slashed at the can and candy. The soda mixed
with the carbon inside the candy, causing the Urban Legend brand o' havoc.
KAAAAA BOOOOOOOM! ! !

Tim: Carbon plus carbon dun equal boom, ya stupid kid!

The quartet stood at an angle, watching shattered bone and dust thrusting out in
an explosion. When the last of the shockwaves settled, the group walked through
the new doorway into the hall leading to the Gym's battle room.
=====
(II) STIGMATA
"Heeeey!" said Gary, with a tone in his voice like a treasure hunter finding his
quarry, "Check out that treasure chest!"
In the center of the hallway, was, in fact, an old, dusty, treasure chest. Kevin
reached it first, but it took all four of the group to lift open the chest (and
a kick from Misty to tear off the rusted, useless lock).

Tim: Welllll, an actual action ripped off from Zelda, Link kicks the lid of treasure chests as a kid to snap the lock.

Gary moaned, "Awwww..." as the only thing in the chest was something heavily
coated in dust, in the shape of a boomerang.

Ash: Then it would probably BE a boomerang!

Misty had an idea, and called, "Go, Horsee!" She smiled as Psyduck materialized
out of Horsee's Pokéball, and said, "Psyduck, clean off this boomerang with

Tim: Misty NEVER expects psyduck to come out, remember???
Ash: Especially not when she and I were making ou- nevermind.

Water Gun!" She picked the object up by its cleanest part, and Psyduck sent a
weak spray of water at the thing. When the last of the caked dust was off, in
her hand was a boomerang--and, at its bend, was a large, shimmering emerald. Two
green stripes were on each other end, and it shone wetly in her hand. What
wasn't painted or encrusted was a fine gold.

Tim: YET ANOTHER shameless ripoff from zelda! Is this kid totally dependent on ripping off from others series to write a single fanfic?
Graham: I say YES!

Gary was about to lunge for it, but stopped himself and held back his
treasure-hunting lust, "Go ahead, Misty," he said, "Besides, green and yellow is
your color..."

Ash: No it isn't.

Misty smiled and slipped it into her backpack. Just then, something caught her
eye. "What'r those?" On the wall were two sets of markings.
Kevin and Ash each inspected one set. After a second, Ash walked away, saying,
"I don't know what those'r for. Let's just leave them alone."
Kevin agreed, "Yeah."
Misty and Gary could only stare at their compadrés' eyes, which were dilated,
despite the dim light in the hall.

Tim: Eyes get dilated WHEN light is dim, stupid!

***
The doors to the battle room were gargantuan--not the automatic electric doors
Ash remembered. Marked on them were a pair of entwined serpents, surrounded by
similar skeletal monsters to those that they had faced. Below the image, in
plain English, were the words:
a mirrored shield at the whim of a blast
shall reflect at its originator, and those may strike at last
from all way south, at an open eye
you will succeed with scarcely a try
Only Kevin read that. Ash said to his teammates, "Alright, people, all
together!" The four pushed with all that they could muster at the giant door...
But it scarcely took the first ounce of power to shove open the stone door.
Inside was quite a sight. It caused the team to stop for a moment and stare.
Hovering gently in the air were Brock and Sabrina, their bodies entwined like
the dragons on the door. Sabrina and Brock's mouths were connected, in a long,
passionate kiss. They were stark naked, his erection shoving into her
hot-looking cunt, that was dripping blue cum. With no warning, Sabrina opened
her closed left eye, which was a furious, brimstone crimson, and then her right,
which was so blue-white and ice-like that they were cold just looking at it.
Sabrina nonchalantly tossed Brock aside in a heap.

Graham: Well isn't SHE the love 'em and leave 'em type?

"You wish to challenge me?" she said in a voice that was both as strong and
heated as a soldier on stimulants but as cold and frail as a child in the frozen
north.
"I…guess so…" Kevin said, hesitantly.

Ash and Tim: OOH OOH ME! I WANNA FIGHT!!!!!
Graham: Make that a double on no sugar for you guys...
(from nowhere Team Rocket appears, does there intro and then leavesthe theater by the trapdoors installed in the floor)
Ash: Okayy, that's getting obnoxious... I think I know how to get them back (he tosses Muk's pokeball into the the hole in the floor)

Sabrina waved her hand across her voluptuous body, and she was suddenly clad in
very revealing armor that left nothing to the imagination.
Her hair became a luminous combination of aqua and crimson. In her hands were
nasty-looking staffs--short, each ending in a spiky outgrowth.

Tim: Ripped off from the twins boss in Ocarina... Oh and those are brooms ya dumb fuck!
Ash: Is he gonna go Nekoken any time soon?
Graham: Oh, you saw the first one of these?
Ash: No, but I've seen my cousin Ranma go nekoken, and Misty told me about Artemis's lover, and your Mst of it...
Tim: Say no more, before I actually DO go nekoken!

"You shall have it," she said, in a much more hushed voice. She flung the
weapons in the group's direction, sending a blast of ice and fire at the troupe.

Tim: Note: correction- very DAMN shamelesly stolen from zelda. it's the goddamn quintesential fire/ice monster! and this reminds me, aww screw it!

"GEYAAAAAAAAAA!" Ash screeched, flinging up his Mirrored Shield. The ice blast

Graham: So he threw his shield in the air?

impacted with the object, while the fire blast sent the others running.
Ash looked, eyes wider then usual, at the white-glowing shield in his hand. When
the Ice Beam was cut off, Ash could only stand in place, shaking from the
impact.

Ash: I think not. I'm able to go on after getting blasted by anything under the sun, remember?
Pikachu: (autotranslate: heck, by the sun too!)

Misty, on the other hand, leapt as high as she could, the blunt end of her
Naginata ready to strike the mutated psychic. Meanwhile, a recovered Ash, Gary,
and Kevin sent out Pokémon to take out the fire half of Sabrina's new persona.
"Squirtle, GO!"
"Tentacruel, GO!"
"Jeremy, GO!"
KSHANG- "Squirtle! Squyrt!"
KSHANG- "Deeeh noo kohh raauge. ."

Tim and Graham: what? de no koh rauge?
Tim: If that's the japanese name, then what's it doing in the american version?

KSHANG- "BLASTOYZ!"
Squirtle used Hydro Pump at the swiftly darting figure as Misty missed.
Entwining blasts of water blasted out at Sabrina, whilst Jeremy--the
Blastoise--fired a similar Hydro Pump from his shoulder cannons. Tentacruel used
Surf--a swirling blob of water formed in front of the gargantuan squid, then
fired out in a powerful stream. The water-types traced their blasts towards the
skimpily-clad figure, missing each time.
"I thought you'd be a challenge," Sabrina uttered, before she fired another Ice
Beam at Ash. He once again made use of the Mirrored Shield, getting an idea.
Darting towards his partners, he said, rushingly, "Alright, here's a plan: I
reflect an ice blast at Sabrina and you use your water Pokémon against her.
Brock can use Vulpix and Onix against her ice abilities!" He dodged a flame
blast from Sabrina, and ran towards the still-dazed Brock.
The Pokémon Breeder took a strong slap to his face, accompanied by Ash's scream
of, "Snap out of it, man! Send out yer Vulpix and Onix! Have 'em use Rockslide
and Flamethrower!"
"Against w-w-who?" Brock said, dizzily.
"SABRINA, DAMMIT!!!" Ash screeched in his ear.
Brock looked hesitant at this, just as Sabrina fired another ice blast at Ash.
He flipped away and dodged the ice blast... and watched as a fire blast drained
his shield back to normal color. Ash gritted his teeth, yelling and thrusting
his sword, "Why you-"
The room was illuminated as a beam of electricity flared from his sword, hitting
Sabrina dead on. How am I doing this? Ash thought, Maybe it was those
markings... No wonder I felt so weird. He slammed the Psychic trainer to the
floor, paralyzing her enough for the water types to use their strongest attacks.
As Sabrina fell to the water attacks, her body was lost inside the spray. Ash,
seeing that Brock wouldn't help, snatched Brock's needed Pokémon and sent them
out.
"Vulpix, Onix, use Flamethrower/Rock Slide!"
The appearing Pokémon obeyed their friend. Vulpix fired a snaky fire shot from
her mouth, while Onix twirled in the air, making elemental energy rocks appear.
He straightened out and fired the appearing rocks in an avalanche, at the
thrashing figure that was now hardly visible.
When the concussions subsided, Sabrina lay armorless and unconscious. Things
were silent for what seemed for hours. Then...
*YOU... YOU HAVE TAKEN ANOTHER ONE OF US...*
"It's the voice from outside…" Ash said, in a hushed voice and stating the
obvious.
*OUR NAME IS DETHYYL. REFER TO IT WITH REVERENCE, ONE OF THE LIVESIDE...

Tim: Dethyyl... I can't quite remember what, but that was DEFINITELY stolen from SOMETHING!

"Look, whoever you are, why are you here?!" Misty yelled. "And why did you turn
Sabrina into that...thing!? And why are you referring yourself plurally?!"
*WE ARE NEVER SINGULAR. WE ARE ALWAYS WITH EACH OTHER. WE HAVE FELT A DEATH AND
A LOSS. YOU HAVE THE SOUL OF ONE OF OURS HOWLING WITHIN YOUR SWORD...*
The team silently stared at Ash's sword, as it seemed to faintly show the image
of a cybernetic hydra. Ash gulped as Dethyyl continued.

Tim: WHAT is the authors facination with cybernetics?

*YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ANOTHER ONE OF US! ENOUGH TALK!! AS YOUR GENERATION WOULD
SAY… LET'S RUMBLE!!!*
Materializing in the air was...something. It looked at first like a formless
blob of antimatter, until it took shape- an orb, slightly crooked. Four
tentacles shot out of its mass, each rough and ending in a spray of spikes. A
silver, glaring eye formed from its center.
Just then, it attacked. Ash fired another sword blast, hitting the eye dead
on--in a sense. The blast flew right through the eye, not even phasing it.
Kevin wildly thrust his hands out, blurting out the first word that, strangely
came to him first: "KAYOKEEEN!!" K'i formed in his hands, and shot out like
Clefable's Double Edge.

Tim: KAYOKEN IS NOT AN OFFENSIVE ATTACK, ASSHOLE!

The eye was still unfazed, as it knocked out their Pokémon with swift swipes of
its tentacles.
Their Pokéballs' 'Deadman' motion activated and recalled the fainted monsters.
Gary tried to run--as he had been doing so for the past battle--but was snatched
in one of Dethyyl's tendrils. He shrieked as electricity jolted through his
system. Ash soon joined him, as well as Brock and Kevin.
They writhed in pain as Dethyyl roared, *ONES OF THE LIVESIDE, QUIVER AND COWER
BEFORE MY POWER! YOU SHALL NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT THE SACRED OBJECT!*
Misty, PO'ed and at the breaking point, cried, "Arrrgh! TAKE THIS!" She whipped
out the still shining Boomerang, and flung it wildly out.
The thing stopped its assault and cast a swift glance at the boomerang,
surprised and horrified. It shrieked, *HOW... HOW COULD YOU G-*
The bejeweled item connected with its pupil, and tore through. There was no
blood, or anything else. It just ate right through, rebounding at a different
angle. The Australian weapon kept on slashing through it, each time at a
different angle. It kept shuddering, roaring as the weapon shredded its weak
point. Its tendrils went slack, and their occupants fell.

Tim: NOW I KNOW! DETHYLL was stolen from Zelda! Awakening, probly! Every damn thing in this fic was stolen from either Zelda or DBZ!

Kevin decided to try his weapons luck again. "KAYOKEEEN!" he cried, the similar blast launching from his hands. It hit dead on, and fried the eyeball like eggs in a skillet.

Tim: DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME THE LAST TIME, KAYOKEN IS NOT AN ATTACK!
Graham: Noty another eardrum...

The last thing the creature said, weakly, was: THERE... WILL... BE... MORE...
It was torn apart in brilliant light beams, and soon, the entire Gym was covered in orange light. After the destruction subsided, the Gym stood rejuvenated. The group--after their vision came back--saw the tattered remains of Dethyyl fall gracefully to the floor, and observed as the corpse gently evaporated in a green light.

Tim: Can this guy make a single fanfic WIThOUT totally ripping off something? this, upper galaxies, the one with rainfall, and every other damn thing he ripped off. Hell, that's the death animation from ocarina!
Ash: We haven't gotten to comment much, the amount of ripping off this guy's been doing.
Graham: Yeah, Tim can hog the commentary at times...

Brock made his way to Sabrina, stroking her cheek. She moaned slightly, and woke up in his arms. She gently pushed her face to his, kissing him weakly. His hand crawled to her now normal feeling breasts, and they began to make love again.
The quartet stood back, watching, entranced by the sex show in front of them.
"So, Ash, give you any ideas?" Misty whispered into Ash's ear.
"Tonight, with pleasure," Ash whispered back.

Ash: You mean earlier this day...

=====
(Epilogue): BACK ON THE ROAD
Ash, filled with new energy, raced ahead of the competition, Pikachu squeezing his maple paws against the brim of Ash's hat to keep on. Misty followed him, her Naginata bounding in its holster. Kevin brought up the middle, hovering swiftly in his Sylph bike. Brock took up the rear, drained. He had given Kevin his Boulderbadge, and Sabrina had given Kevin her badge for aiding in her rescue. Sighing, they ran ahead to the closest city: Celadon, to Erika's Gym. And into another battle...
END
~~~~~~
ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF BOSS WARS: (that felt good) Misty and Jessie set their
sights on winning the Celadon Beauty Pageant, and a grand prize including a date with Leonardo diCaprio! However, Kurama, the Queen of the Tengu-Aleins, wants her hand in the contest. And with six intergalactic Pokémon and a lethal Estrogen blaster, she might win...
PS: The Keoken attack is from DBZ... but I don't know how to spell it! The Sword Blaster is from Legend of Zelda. The Stalfos-Stalfay plural are from LOZ as well.

Tim: and every single idea in this fic was ripped right off of something else, with nothing to make it original. and the plural is stafos too! there's no such word as Stalfay! Another thing, it isn't the SWORD BLASTER, IT'S THE SWORD BEAM!

SEND FEEDBACK!

Tim: (hardwires a mike to a speaker, then mails it off to the author with a note saying: turn me on!)

(outer room)
Tim: Seeya Ash, Pikachu!
(Ash departs via the guestway express)



THE END
***

"Sweet mother of mercy in a sidecar eating chocolate jimmies in a lobster
bib..."

You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/

comments appreciated, flames laughed at.

[Redleader34]

I am making a Dramatic Reading of this.. this is just so bad...