Magelleon and Cortez (psueodohistoric bullshit)

[Shroom Man 777]

Long ago, after the 'Singularity' came to an end, and after the inexplicable demise of humanity's galactic civilization, Nueva Cordoba literally found itself alone amongst the stars.

In fact, the primitive postapocalyptic inhabitants of Nueva Cordoba could not even see anything beyond their system. This was because of a cloud of dark gas that engulfed the Cordoba system, obscuring the rest of the galaxy from the eyes of the ancient Cordobans.

And so, as they slowly rebuilt their once-glorious civilization, the Cordobans eventually set their sights towards the blankness of the heavens.

Immediately after they regained the technology of spaceflight, they set out to colonize their system. But none dared to venture beyond the sixth planet, which to their primitive minds was the very edge of the universe.

Some believed that absolute nothingness, the end of existance and reality themselves, lay beyond. Others thought that beyond known space dwelled incomprehensible beings - gods and monsters. The more optimistic thought that beyond the edge of space was some kind of paradise beyond mortal understanding, while more rational minds believed that countless other worlds just like theirs were waiting to be populated.

Archaeohistorians, theopedians and cosmographers believed in the lattermost theory. Unknown to most Cordobans was the existence of a derelict spaceship on Cordoba itself, on its far continent. They ascertained that the ship crashed millennia before their time, and carried within it a people who significantly influenced the indigenous primitives who were their ancestors.

With this secret knowledge, the archeo-pseudoscientists and paleotheologists of Cordoba pushed forth an expedition that would travel beyond the reaches of the known universe, to bravely venture forth into either certain death or immeasurable discovery.

Several vessels, whose names have been lost through the annals of antiquity, were built for this grandest excursion. And leading them was the Astrocartographer Magelleon.

The ships were not equipped with hyperdrive, for such technology would be rediscovered millenia later. And so, Magelleon bravely, and blindly, set sail to the great unknown.

Through a miracle, it only took Magelleon ten years to locate an adjacent system - one that happened to be comprised almost entirely of asteroids. He named it Fillipian, after King Fillip of Cordoba. And as the Cordoban ships landed, Magelleon was greeted by natives - human natives. He befriended them and had his theopedians convert them to the Cordoban faith. The trinkets, spices and miracle medicines he gave them greatly helped win their hearts, and soon, Magelleon and his men were considered by the natives as their blood brother.

The chieftain of the world, which was called Sebuu, suggested visiting Sebuu's moon, which was overlooked by Magelleon. The moon was habitable, and there were tribes there too, the chief said.

Magelleon visited the moon and was welcomed by the chief of its tribes to a ritual. However, the chief was a savage and he bit off Magelleon's face, instantly killing him. The rest of Magelleon's retinue were flayed alive by the savage natives, forcing those in the ships to wipe the savages out with hydrotomics.

Leaderless, Magelleon's ships lingered on Sebuu for two more years, helping the natives while contemplating their next move.

Thirteen years after sailing from Cordoban's docks, the expedition ships returned home. They went through another route, lacking the astrographics of Magelleon, and discovered several more systems on the way. The worlds were inhabitable, but the men feared Magelleon's fate, and so kept a respectful distance.

Their return to Cordoban was met with much fanfare, and they were all lauded as heroes. Magelleon was immortalized, and because of the significance of his journey and discoveries, his tale became one of the most well-recorded prehistorical accounts to this day, surviving intact despite the date of its occurrence being long-forgotten.


Because of Magelleon's voyage, the centuries after his death saw thousands of succeeding expeditions - both of discovery and conquest. Sebuu was the first off-system world to be colonized, and with the interbreeding between the Cordobans and the Sebuuanos came the ancestors of today's Ispanic People.

It could be said that Magelleon's legacy, countless millennia after his death, is still felt very strongly in the galaxy. It was his discovery that allowed the Ispanic People to come into being, and without it, the Estella Real de Ispania would have never come to existance.





- Excrept from 'Discoveries: Pioneers of Note'

[Shroom Man 777]

After the return of the expedition fleet and the discovery of Magelleon’s death under the hands of the savages, the people of Nueva Cordoba were both elated and grieved. Elated by the return of the intrepid excursionists, but grieved by the death of the greatest explorer of all time, Magelleon – who not only led the great excursion but also single-handedly mapped much of Cordoba’s system. But news of planets, entire systems, existing beyond in nearby stars of unknowable number filled the people of Cordoba with a sense of hope, excitement and adventure.

Thus, by Royal edict of the King and his theopedians, more expedition ships were sent to the Fillipian system. The savages of Sebuu’s moon Mactaan were purged while the aborigines on the world itself were spared and many merely enslaved in plantations due to the hospitality they showed to Magelleon. After Sebuu and the Fillipian asteroids were settled and firmly under Cordoba’s control, more ships were dispatched.

This time, when entire fleets of discoverers and conquerors voyaged through the Magelleonic Clouds and across nearby stars, would be known as La Conquista.

And one of the greatest conquerors during La Conquista was Hernan Cortez. Though many records of the La Conquista were lost in antiquity, the accounts of Hernan Cortez’ legendary exploits remain intact, if albeit exaggerated. His slaughter of the indios, like Magelleon’s discoveries, is still told to this day.

Amongst the most popular of these tales is his conquest of Bojol’s third moon, called Netupyia by the indios native to it.

Leading a fleet of five war galleons, crewed by men more carefully chosen than the disciples of the Salvador Niñyo, Cortez decided to send three missionaries to meet the indios of Netupyia.

The missionaries who set foot on the moon were wary, for they did not want to meet the same fate as Magelleon did under the hands of treacherous savages. They entered the village of the indios, but were met with little notice. They tried to have an audience with the tribal chief, but none listened to them. The missionaries could speak many tongues, but every attempt at dialogue was met with much confusion, for the natives replied by repeating only one word: “Dootah!”

On and on the natives only said “Dootah!” and “Dootah-dootah! Dootah-dootah-dootah!” until the seventh day. During the seventh day, the weary missionaries bore witness to a spectacle, a ritual so gruesome and foul that none of the missionaries could bear describing it to Cortez upon their return.

During this repulsive celebration, the missionaries decided to flee. But on their way out of the village they were attacked by savages intent on roasting them alive and eating their hearts upon the peak of their blasphemous temple. One of the theopedians, the leader, was grievously wounded, but they were able to make it to their longboat. They left the damned moon and met Cortez in his ship, presenting to him one of the filthy indios they captured. Upon interrogation, the caged paleosavage could only say “Dootah!”

The leading missionary spoke with Cortez, and with his dying words he condemned the indios, branding them “diablos”.

Taking this condemnation to heart, Cortez purged Netupyia of all life – bombarding the native villages with his war galleons - and established a settlement on its scorched surface, as well as on Bojol itself, which was uninhabited. After the caged savage was spaced, the missionaries sanctified the new settlements, purifying them of the filth of the indios.

Cortez, with four ships remaining, ventured forth to the surrounding systems and brought them under the rule of the Crown, under King Fillip. In these outlying worlds, the native indios did not provoke Cortez’ fury and were spared, much like the natives of Sebuu. There was only one other world where Cortez met any resistance – and it was one battle that would be remembered through the annals of antiquity. A great chieftain by the name of Montezuma, whose name was also the name of the world, challenged Cortez to a duel, where the winner would be declared as ruler of the system. Whereas Montezuma wielded his weapon of obscene paleotechnology, a pseudoclub festooned with flakes of sharpened obsidian, Cortez wielded a weapon that frightened the primitives – a stick that belched fire and death. Montezuma was shot and killed before he could get within ten paces of Cortez. At their chieftain’s defeat, the entire planet was enraged with blind fury and the natives took up arms. The ensuing battle saw three thousand Conquistadores slaughter thirty trimillion Mayztecan archeowarriors riding upon paleosauruses, their armor of bird feathers and weapons of obsidian-festooned wood no match against the steel and cannons of the Conquistadores, whose cavalry charge was led by Cortez himself. All those who survived were ravaged and violent by the victorious, and Montezuma’s firstborn son was placed in a cage and sent back to Cordoba as a gift to the King.

After this, it is said that another Mayztecan chieftain, one named Tzekel-Kan, who acknowledged the might of the Crown and of the Conquistadores, invited Cortez. With his retinue of one hundred Conquistadores, Cortez came upon the city of Tzekel-Kan and were the recipients of a spectacle, for Tzekel-Kan’s people believed Cortez to be a returned god. Cortez and his retinue were invited atop a Mayztecan pyramid of unknowable height, and with Tzekel-Kan by their side, they bore witness to a million blood sacrifices – orgies of death all in the name of Cortez.

At this sight, Cortez was sent into a blind fury, and he decapitated Tzekel-Kan with his sword. As Tzekel-Kan’s head rolled down the steps of the blood-soaked pyramid, the heathen indios, in their pagan bloodlust, began attacking Cortez and his men – for in their blasphemous religion, they sought to rend the reborn god Cortez of his mortal form. The crazed warpainted heathens made their way atop the Mayztecan pyramid, and Cortez and his men repulsed them for hours, holding the line and taking shelter in the pyramid until the one hundred were reduced to twelve fighting for their lives atop the blasphemous temple. For every steadfast Conquistador slain and eaten alive, he brought hundreds of indios down with him until Cortez and his men were reduced to using their bayonets and swords. However, when all seemed lost, Cortez’ Flag Galleon came down from the sky to rescue the Conquistadores and destroy the heathen indios for their profanity. As the Mayztecan metropolis burned, five more galleons came and more Conquistadores upon flying steeds poured down atop the pyramids to slaughter the heathens. More indios came, however, coming from the former provinces of the Montezuma – all led by the dead chieftain’s brothers. Millions of crazed, frenzied and angered Mayztecan savages of a hundred tribes wielding everything from obsidian-festooned paleoclubs to primitive cannons and guns, so many that with their combined fire one of the mighty galleons was reduced to a holed hulk crashing upon the pyramids, exploding and killing most of the Conquistadores and indios. Despite this, the Conquistadores and Mayztecans fought on for days on end – Cortez bravely leading his men on their flying steeds into the fray, against uncountable savage paleowarriors upon obscene paleosaur steeds, led by chieftain brothers of Montezuma. Dried blood caught fire as entire pyramids became buried upon the burnt corpses of men and savages – to this day, the pyramids still stand, covered in the skulls and skeletons of those who fought in that battle.

In the end, the battle was won when Cortez slew all of the tribal warchiefs. The leaderless natives were disarrayed and confused, and after another day of fighting, they surrendered. His mercy bled out, Cortez ordered the pagans all shot, their bodies burned and their families condemned to the plantations.

But some say that before Cortez and his men could go about slaughtering the other indio cities for their proximity to the battle, the ground erupted in a furious volcanoquake. And from the spewing fire, the magma that belched forth from the earth, emerged an emerald monolith that glowed evilly. It was an obscene pyramid of jadeite, powered by the most arcane of heathen paleotechnology. And upon the zenith of the profane monument was the reborn Tzekel-Kan, upon his hand was a skull of crystal and from his mouth came forth blasphemous prayers to his heathen gods. The Mayztecan pyramid flew up into the sky as magma consumed many of the landbound Conquistadores and their indio conquests, and as the monolith flew, ancient glyphs of untellable age glowed forth from its spinning exterior. Tzekel-Kan laughed, and proclaimed that he was the returned god, not Cortez.

At this blasphemy to the Salvador Niñyo, Cortez seethed in rage. And on his flying steed of steel, he boarded his Flag Galleon and ordered all his ships to attack Tzekel-Kan. As magma exploded unto the sky, the ships fought the monolith for hours – but by the final day’s end, all but one of the galleons were destroyed and Tzekel-Kan laughed at Cortez, mocking him. In desperation, Cortez ordered his Flag Galleon to ram Tzekel-Kan’s jadeite pyramid. The crash was devastating, and as both ship and monument spiraled out of control amidst the heavens, Cortez leapt from his ship’s prow and landed upon the pyramid. With his sword, he made his way to the pyramid’s zenith, intending to bring an end to the madness once and for all.

As the pyramid made its spinning descent, Cortez battled with Tzekel-Kan and his crystal skull, which too was powered by arcane paleotechnology. They dueled until the pyramid landed upon the molten rock and began sinking into the magma, dueled until the sky turned night. And upon the moon of blood, a miracle predicted by the Mayztecan calendars, Cortez slew Tzekel-Kan for the second and final time, decapitating him. As the evil priest-chief of the Mayztecans of Montezuma fell into the fire, his head rolling down first, Cortez clutched the heathen’s crystal skull and held it into the sky – before dashing it against the molten rock. It was over.

For his bravery and honor in claiming land in the name of the Crown and vanquishing the filthy natives, he was given the rank of Marques and was the governor and captain general of his newly conquered worlds. But this was not enough, and it was not long before Cortez embarked on more expeditions with his men – who he called Conquistadores, for they were conquerors like him. His later expeditions were both of conquest and discovery, for he believed that there were more things hidden amongst the stars.

In his later exploits, he discovered Yucatan, homeworld of the Mayztecans of Montezuma. Yucatan’s natives were friendly, welcoming Cortez and his men with wide-open arms, for this and because they were without a trace of the blasphemy of Montezuma’s indios, Cortez saw no need for military conquest. Instead, he and his Conquistadores traded with them, amazing the natives with the galleon ships of Cordoba. At Yucatan’s largest city, Aoxatlchtitlan, which could be seen from beyond the sky, it was Cortez’ turn to be amazed, for the grand city was unlike any other, so rich in splendor that it became the origin of the legendary City of Gold. It was on Aoxatlchtitlan that the great chiefs of the Yucatan declared Cortez as their new leader and accepted the Crown. For discovering Yucatan’s richness, Cortez was greatly rewarded, and for this, his appointed governors treated the Mayztecans of Yucatan justly as well. And with the knowledge he gained from the wise star-priests of Yucatan, particularly the knowledge of the astral gates, it could be said that Cortez single-handedly ensured the formation of the Estella Real de Ispania through Cordoba’s La Conquista.

In his lifetime and by his hand, uncountable worlds fell under the rule of what would become the Estella Real de Ispania. His conquests and subsequent rule over the natives would immortalize him as a ruthless conqueror, a merciless author of atrocities, but also an honorable ruler – for the natives under his provinces were treated much better than those in the plantation-worlds. Those who would submit to him were treated justly, but those did not were treated without mercy – their villages looted and pillaged, their women raped, and their children sent to the plantations. However, on both submissive populations and rebellious indios, Cortez never failed to let his missionaries convert the heathens and have them renounce their sins by accepting the Salvador Niñyo

To this day, many in the Ispanic nobility bear the name Cortez, for his bloodline has continued throughout the millennia. However, many of his descendants are not as virtuous as him, or as merciful…





- Excrept from 'Discoveries: Pioneers of Note'

[Redleader34]

Great work, and it seems epic. Nice mention of the crystal skull, and FTL drives..