Untitled New Trek Crossover (Pilot Episode)

[Darth Fanboy]

I like doing these pilots to judge reader reactions to ideas these days rather than presenting them, as usual, if you enjoy it, i'll make more.

Another Fanboy Pilot Project….

Part I: What The Hell Is Going On?

If within the boundaries of the United Federation Planets, there existed a system that could be labeled as the proverbial “middle of nowhere”, then the K'normian system was the frontrunner for the title.

Welcomed into the fold some sixty standard years ago, the K’normians had hoped that their inclusion into the Federation would bring with it an influx of trade, knowledge, and prosperity. While the opportunities had indeed developed, interest from other worlds was practically nonexistent. Aside from the meager Starfleet installations in the area used to monitor the galactic fringes, there had been very little development.

Even the planets near-human residents had begun to suspect that their planet was indeed the dreariest place in the galaxy. Even the planet’s physical characteristics lacked anything extraordinary. The oceans and mountains were modest, the flora and fauna unspectacular.

Then one day, all contact with the planet ceased. Knowing that it would take weeks for him to return to his world, the K’normian ambassador on Earth pleaded that Starfleet send an expedition to investigate. The ambassador’s words had fallen on largely deaf ears, far flung worlds such as K’normia could sometimes go out of contact for weeks on end, more often than not the cause of such blackouts were stellar phenomena.

The K’normian ambassador was not without his contacts though. A friendship he had developed with a Vulcan in Starfleet named Tuvok, who happened to be one of the famed crew of Voyager and now stationed on Earth, was able to put in a word with Rear Admiral (Lower Half) Kathryn Janeway. Unwilling to leave the fate of Starfleet personnel in doubt, Janeway dispatched the USS Alaska, a Nova-class starship, to investigate…

“Captain Palin, we’re about ready to enter the K’normian system.”

Captain Palin rose from her chair and stepped forward, stepping closer to the view screen in an attempted display of leadership. “Prepare to disengage the warp drive then, as soon as the ship has slowed down bring her into orbit immediately.”

Her executive officer, protested immediately. “Captain, if Admiral Janeway was right and there could possibly be a threat in the area, might it be wise to approach slowly from the edge of the system?”

“Commander Riesenvoyce, I understand your concern but if there is a threat to Federation citizens I’d rather not sit back and watch. Starfleets number one goal is to defeat evil wherever it exists, remember that.

The ensign at the helm coughed in an effort to suppress his own laughter, and mentally reminded himself that when his shift ended he would have to take a large swig of his bottle of Romulan Ale, obligated due to a drinking game developed by the Alaska’s junior officers as the result of the Captain’s incessant reliance on talking points when addressing her crew.

USS Alaska exited warp as close to the planet as she safely could, which was quite close for the Nova-class of starships.

The tactical officer, a grizzled old officer who was once held in a Dominion prison camp when his Runabout, the USS Maverick, was captured in the Gamma Quadrant, scoured the readings on his display for anything out of the ordinary.

“No sign of any vessels yet Captain, but if there’s anything out there though I’ll find it.”

“That you Lieutenant,” The Captain looked over at her science officer, hoping to resolve the situation as quickly as possible. “What are the sensors telling us?”

“I’m not sure how to interpret the readings Captain, I’m detecting life signs on the planet but they are much stronger than what we would expect from a planet with the listed population of K’Normia.”

“About how much stronger?” Captain Palin asked.

“This is odd, we’re picking up almost ten times as many readings as we should. What’s worse is that most of these bio-readings are inconsistent with any known pattern. It’s a completely new species.”

The Captain’s inexperience began to betray her, none of her Academy training or advanced officer training had prepared her for anything remotely like this.

“Damn it, I need to see what’s going on down there. Get me a visual of the closest city at once…”

“We’re trying Captain,” The ensign at the helm responded, “but there is a lot of interference, we can try and modify one of the probes but that could take an hour.”

“Do it, in the mean time I want one of these new biological readings beamed up to the ship for study.”

Riesenvoyce stepped in again, this time much more adamantly. “Captain, I strongly recommend against that course of action. We have no idea of the organism’s nature and bringing it aboard our ship could invite incredible disaster.”

Either fortunately or unfortunately for Captain Palin, the impending argument never even happened. “It wouldn’t matter anyway Commander, the same interference jamming our sensors is blocking the transporters as well.”

“Commander, we will discuss this borderline insubordination later, but no protocols are going to stop from figuring out what is going on down there. I think we need to…”

Captain Palin would never finish that sentence as the tactical officer suddenly interrupted. “Captain! Incoming contact rounding the planet and heading straight forward, it must have been hidden in the blind spot created by that interference coming from the planet.”

As the image of the mystery ship appeared on the Alaska’s main screen, even Commander Riesenvoyce was startled at the ship’s appearance, and Captain Palin’s response, although unprofessional, echoed the exact sentiments of everyone else on the bridge.

“What the hell is that? Is it supposed to be a ship?”

An attempt to match the identity of the ship to any known design failed as it should have. For no one in the United Federation of Planets had ever before encountered the ship known some 38,000 years later to humans as the Kill Krooza, or the species known as Orks.


Part II: Waagh The Hell Is Going On!


Kapten Karrk, big boss of the Kill Krooza “Bluddy Choppa”, laughed as the tiny starship came into his ship’s sights. The ground poundaz led by that slimy squig sukka Warlord Skarfang. If it hadn’t been for his navigating skill, and his Krooza, Skarfang’s boyz never would have even made it to the world below.

Karrk didn’t spend much time thinking about it, but were he a more analytical being; he would have been dumbfounded as to how his ship had arrived at this place. One second, the Choppa had been chasing a Humie ship on the edge of the Eye of Terror, not far from Cadia, when his ship was seized by an unknown source of energy and flung far away.

The Starmapz still worked though, and through a series of fierce brawls that had erupted on the wayward ship, it was Skarfang who had emerged as the dominant Ork. Karrk had been too busy keeping his prized Krooza together during the melee, killing any Ork that caused damage to his “Big Metul Babee.”

“Ey!” Karrk yelled at the Ork closest to him. “Dat fing stinks o’ Humiez. Git da shootas goin’”

“Weez doin it Kapten. Dem Humiez gonna git it!”

Unfortunately for the subordinate Ork, the shootas never did come online. Karrk had managed to protect his bridge and the mekboyz had fixed the engines, but the Krooza’s weapons were still non-operational.

“Ya son o' a sqwig!” Karrk yelled as his fist caved in the other Ork’s skull. Turning to another Ork, Karrk slapped him on the back and in a low growl, threatened him. “Mor speed! Crush dem!”

The Ork at the helm was adorned with red accoutrements, denoting his participation in the Kult of Speed. He was one of the few Orks that had joined the flyboyz, and fewer still who got his kicks from pushing the speed limitations of the Orks motley collection of warships. He said nothing, but he flashed a wide toothy smile as he pushed forward on the Krooza’s controls, coaxing as much speed from the engines as he could muster.

The mekboys working on the ships engines let out a simultaneous, furious cry on anger as their hard work literally fell to pieces as the ship quickly accelerated and sent almost every Ork on the ship falling to the ground.

But the Krooza’s engines worked long enough that the ship was able to accelerate to its top speed in seconds. The Humie ship began to maneuver once it realized the Krooza’s trajectory, but the Krooza was big enough and escape was unavoidable once the Humie Captain had spent one second too long in making the decision to maneuver.

The impact was barely felt, but Karrk felt the reverberations of the collision through the ship, causing him to laugh loudly.

“Now dats wut I’m talking ‘bout! Soopa!”



The arrival of the Orks had surprised the K’Normians, and before the fighting the Orks were welcomed as potential trading partners. But then the beasts aboard the ship had descended to the planet below and started killing, enslaving, and sometimes eating, everything in sight. Following the brief battle, the spores had begun to spread, attracting the interest of Starfleet’s nearby outpost, which had sent a shuttlecraft to investigate. But the shuttle crew’s attempt to escape once they had discovered the Ork presence had failed. An unknown energy coming from the Krooza had disabled their communications.

Starfleet’s failure to act quickly had allowed the Ork’s presence to entrench itself further. Already the Orks were gathering information, readily provided by a couple of big eared humies found at the planet’s spaceport. The big eared humies had offered all of their teef in exchange for their safe departure, but the Orks who had discovered them had taken their teef and enslaved them anyways.

Perhaps the only part of their new surroundings which confused the Orks was the absence of the Warp, which presented itself in the Ork consciousness as a nagging sensation that grew stronger as Orks drew closer to the Eye of Terror. While it’s disappearance was confusing, the Orks thought little of it.

The galaxy at large remained unaware, as the spores which would form the next generation of Orks proliferated across K’Normia. A new Waaagh was forming, with the mighty Warlord Skarfang leading the way…

[Sidewinder]

That was fun. Totally pointless, but fun. I'm assuming Karrk is a James T. Kirk analogue. Does this mean the Federation's savior will be Brother-Captain Picard of the Chrome Dome Space Marines chapter? (Jean-Luc Picard is obviously impotent against the Orks.)

Are thos "big eared humies" Vulcans or Ferengi?

[Firethorn]

I'm guessing the dig on Palin is going to be a very short lived joke as well.

[Darth Fanboy]

That was fun. Totally pointless, but fun. I'm assuming Karrk is a James T. Kirk analogue.

Holy shit, I hadn't thought of that, but now i'm loving it. I had a hard time coming up with a good name, so I was going to call him Karrk Frakka, using two common swears from nBSG and Star Wars EU, but I shortened it early on.

Does this mean the Federation's savior will be Brother-Captain Picard of the Chrome Dome Space Marines chapter? (Jean-Luc Picard is obviously impotent against the Orks.)

Nope, no immediate plans for the Imperium.

Are thos "big eared humies" Vulcans or Ferengi?

Ferengi, "cuz dey gotz better teef."

I'm guessing the dig on Palin is going to be a very short lived joke as well.

Very short lived, I just wanted a lighthearted setup for the short lived battle. The USS Alaska and her crew are dead and never coming back. Which is a shame because I loved the mental images I had of Riesenvoyce.