SW: Episode III Alternate story

[Lord Groovy]

Before anything, the only real thing I liked in the movie is the battle Kenobi-Vader/Skywalker. I found the rest just uninteresting. My propositions :

- keep the Jedi as Generals overseeing the whole battle, issuing order and eventually use battle meditation or other powers to help. If you really want a lightsaber battle, make the droids invade the camp, and the Jedi master (Yoda?) having to get out of it alive. It would also show that the Separatists are a real THREAT.
- make the droids look and sound like silent deadly assassins or like HK47 with some cynic or disgusting sens of humour. They shoot first, shoot again, launch a small nuclear bomb (theyare immune to radiations) then crack one or two jokes.
- some Jedi should be spies or infiltrators. And changed the Order 66 passage so that all those Jedi will notice they are in a deep s**t once they are in enemy borderlines. Something like the Droids and Clones banding against them (and then the clones destroying effortlessly the droids that no longer have any use to Sidious)

- stress the fact that even if Jedi are trained enhanced fighting monks, the war is slowly eating them alive. Have some slowly turning to the dark side. Then you can depict Anakin having to kill some of his friends and fall from time to time in the dark side (Padme and his future kids would be the only thing keeping him in the light side)
- finally, when he learned who Palpatine is, he tries to kill him and get overpowered. Then Sidious explain him that he is still too weak, that he would never be able to change the fate of Padme (a little lovey-dovey passage for the feminine part of this forum) and that finally killing him would only worsen the situation (the head of the Republic killed by a Jedi that "pretends" that he was the cause of the rebellion, who would ever believe that!?)
- now Skywalker becomes Darth Vader

- As he went to bring an end to the war at Mustafar, the other surviving Jedis met him and sense that he wanna be a badass. Windu tries to explain him that they should take down Palpatine, to which Vader respond that he only sees what is good for the Jedi and not for the whole Galaxy. Big fight! and Anakin wins, now stronger than ever. He must departs for Mustafar
- Gravely wounded, Windu is still able to contact Obi Wan and Yoda far across the galaxy and inform them of what happened. This would explained how they escaped Order 66 (and not erley by chance or foresight). With what's left of his power, Windu go to fight Sidious and only disfigure him before being fried like a KFC. Sidious is mad (because of his condition, the fact some jedi may survived thanks to windu and that his new apprentice was not good enough to finish to job correctly)
- Yoda tries to save as much Jedi as possible while Obi Wan plays his little mind game with Padme to fid where Anakin has gone.

- While in the Jedi Temple in Coruscant, Yoda makes his unfortunate encounter with Sidious. Some battle and chitchat using the elements of the Academy. With his frail body, I really think Yoda should show that he has neurones...As the fight continues, we see that they are of equal mastery of the Force and battle techniques. Then clone troopers storms the temple and Yoda finally understood why Sidious was ther : to get the Jedi secrets to add to his own vast pool of knowledge. 2 birds 1 stone : blow up the Temple. I don't ye know how to stage it because I don't want Yoda to look like McLane in Die Hard...

- On Mustafar, Padme finally arrives and looks for Anakin. She found him massacring the citizen of the platform. Is it really the guy she married? Lost in his bloodlust, Vader can hardly control himself. Unfortunately, it's the moment Obi Wan choose to appear. He tries to reason his former apprentice while this one is looking speechlessly, disbelievingly at his wife and friend : they are not understanding the sacrifice he made for the Republic. Still influenced by the Dark Side (make some nice effect like in Heroes to show that he's lost his f***ing mind) he jumps at Kenobi and starts fighting him.
- make him have the upper hand with Obi wan barely escaping his attacks and stances. While being overconfident in his superiority, he makes an error that Obi Wan exploit dumbly. The consequences of this action is an accident that would later cost Padme life. Now Anakin is really mad, drowning in the Dark Side (like Luke at the end of ROTJ). He is making more mistakes but for only one reason : kill Obi Wan Kenobi! From ther I think that anyone could find a good way for him to lose his limb and get burnt to death.

- For the end, I have a good scene :
" where is Padme? Is she safe?"
"You killed her Lord Vader...
" No! I did not! it was Kenobi! Kenobi!... and You! you planned it all along! I'll kill both of you!
Sidious release the now know Vader-in-a-suit
" then show me you can...
Vader tries to move his new body but looks so pathetic!
" You are weak...This is the same weakness that killed Padme...
Fueled with anger, Vader tries to grab Sidious
" but if you join completely the Dark Side, you would get stronger...enough to win against me...enough to win against Kenobi...
Vader is frozen in his movement. He slowly clenched his fist but we still sense anger and finally bow before Sidious
" I am yours, my Master
" For now and for ever, Lord Vader

The END
Tadaa!! So what do you think? worth seeing that? If not just tell me what's wrong so that I can improve a bit before moving on.

[Themightytom]

um could you just WRITE it and let us decide if we like it as opposed to submitting what appears to be a first draft/ free write?